Health, Pranks, Diets and Kids: Keeping score - FML

Keeping score

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Lawndale

Today, I found out why my teenage daughter won't brush her teeth properly. Apparently, my son convinced her that toothpaste has tons of calories. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 125

You deserved it 2 768

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Top comments

nfjskcbdkdjdjdn 2

Friday 28 September 2012 18:52

But you don't even swallow toothpaste, so why would it be a problem even if it did have calories?

Bullpine 11

Friday 28 September 2012 18:53

Wow. That's excessive. If you can't change her mind, tell her to use baking soda. Although, you really should talk to her because being that obsessive seems unhealthy.

Comments

MiniHalo 4

Sunday 30 September 2012 19:49

This sounds like something that you find in girls with eating disorders..

mookiemookie01 24

Monday 1 October 2012 0:14

She needs some re-education fast!

Anthonyman 0

Wednesday 3 October 2012 22:59

I can't believe someone would actually think that. Friggin teenage girls all obsessed about their weight. But seriously! You don't even swallow it! How dumb can you be?

beehardxcore 26

Wednesday 2 January 2013 19:48

So, I'm guessing your daughter isn't exactly your pride and joy?

notapotato 12

Friday 10 January 2014 5:22

Blonde..

Pauline96_fml 20

Monday 10 March 2014 16:12

You do know that you don't actually need toothpaste to brush your teeth. It is just something extra

fantasyworld 37

Monday 21 July 2014 1:54

You don't even swallow toothpaste.

writerchic85 25

Sunday 5 April 2015 17:19

Tell her having nasty teeth is far less attractive then being a few pounds overweight.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Sunday 16 October 2022 19:59

Ladies and gentlemen, our future. We're screwed.

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The Top

Today, we decided to go to an aquarium for a little family get-away. At the end was a shark viewing deck, and I leaned over the rails to get a better look. How did I find out that my glasses needed to be adjusted? They fell off and sunk right to the bottom of the shark-infested waters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 380

You deserved it 13 608

Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 684

You deserved it 9 289

The Top

Today, the DA approval for my renovation finally went through. I'm getting my garage knocked down, rebuilt, and the bathroom extended by 1.2m. The bad news is that the only quote I've been able to get is for $300,000. Might as well rebuild the whole house for that amount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 168

Today, my boyfriend and I got put on the Kiss cam at a baseball game. Instead of kissing me, he grabbed my boobs and got the biggest round of applause I have heard in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 221

Today, I took a stick lighter and used it to set a large spider on fire to kill it, as stepping on it could possibly release its babies if it were a momma. I ignited more than the spider, and had to call the fire department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 1 926

Today, I was in a café when a construction worker asked to borrow a pen. The only pen I had on me was my brand new Parker, which I reluctantly loaned him. As he was writing, he stopped to think, and happily chewed on the end of the pen, which he later returned to me, glistening in saliva. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 463

You deserved it 5 276

Today, after my first date with a med student, I went back to his. Things were getting hot and he asked if he could practise body examinations on me. I agreed, thinking he was going to role play, but he then proceeded to do actual joint and muscle examinations for a whole hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 149

You deserved it 1 548

Today, as someone with a large chest, I'm used to sometimes finding food in my clothes at the end of the day. However, when I took off my bra off, I found half of a dead grasshopper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 139