Intimacy: Liquored up

Liquored up

By OyGeeze28 - 09/08/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, at work in a liquor store, a man came in to demand a refund because after he "drank the whole bottle of Jack" he "couldn't get it up" for his wife. He thought that alcohol was supposed to be an aphrodisiac, and blamed me personally for his "whiskey dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 011

You deserved it 3 148

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 07/01/2013 11:11 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 354

You deserved it 2 256

Cash me?

By Anonymous - 02/09/2019 11:00 - Canada - Lakeville

Today, working in a liquor store, I had to tell a girl I couldn't sell her alcohol since she was severely intoxicated. She told me to "cash me ousside, how bow dat?" then smashed a bottle of wine and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 118

Casual perv

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 01:13 - United States

Today, I was ringing an old man up in the local grocery store when I had realized all he was buying was 3 bottles of vodka and a box of condoms. While I was loading the bags into his cart he laid his hand on my shoulder and told me, "I'd take you home with me but chances are I would be arrested". FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 498

You deserved it 6 037

By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 00:49 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was refused employment at a liquor store. Their reason? I'm a regular customer and they're afraid I'll drink all their profits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 426

You deserved it 21 388

By fuck you, dad - 27/09/2012 18:36 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I was eating out at a restaurant with my family. My dad had drained most of our bottle of wine, so thinking he'd be a little less uptight than usual, I reached over to pour myself some. He swatted my hand away and started yelling at me for being a "degenerate drunk". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 701

You deserved it 6 313

I'm not paid enough for this shit

By Bartender - 20/10/2014 21:04 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 526

You deserved it 2 642

By PerfectVision - 11/09/2014 06:49 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 077

You deserved it 3 249

By useless pos - 01/03/2013 00:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 292

You deserved it 12 379

By Cup_of___ - 26/11/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I walked into a liquor store and thought about inquiring for a job application. After seeing the cashier, I thought about inquiring if she was single. After accidentally breaking three bottles of liquor, I didn't do either. I left the store, still single and unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 939

You deserved it 30 136

Receipe ideas

By Anonymous - 24/05/2022 16:00

Today, after I was surprised by my husband announcing he was coming off the drink and going to the gym to get in shape, I found out that I've been such a fool, as it turns out the pre-workout shakes he kept making contained about 5 shots of vodka, so he could drink at home without me moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 148

unluckiestperson_fml 14

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:01

"Whiskey dick." Some images you just can't erase from your mind

Youtube00 5

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:06

Whiskey dicks, always better than "Rum"-ginas

Comments

unluckiestperson_fml 14

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:01

"Whiskey dick." Some images you just can't erase from your mind

Iamnotmyself 17

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:05

Is it bag I thought of his dick in a bottle?

ktateprado 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:11

It is described on jersey shore actually. Except it is the opposite of this situation. (see what I did there?)

Idonebeenhad 17

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:52

it's very bag

Idonebeenhad 17

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:52

it's very bag

Iamnotmyself 17

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:56

-36 lol I didn't catch it in time to edit. Unhappyface >:(

enonymous 8

Tuesday 9 August 2011 18:01

My penis enjoys to soak in the finest single malt available...

imthatguythatdid 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 21:13

Lol, Whiskey Dick, too funny

brittanycox 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 10:17

Haha omg

Idonebeenhad 17

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:02

Tell him to mix it with some Viagra. Muahahaha

yamatelle 19

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:54

Viagra: The quicker dicker upper

jtuck87 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:54

Jericho!!

jtuck87 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:54

Jericho!!

ktateprado 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 19:42

It would never go down.

j_cat187 19

Thursday 11 August 2011 7:48

Od on Viagra and have a cat attack your monster dick

Youtube00 5

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:06

Whiskey dicks, always better than "Rum"-ginas

commietaco 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 19:40

what about bloody mary ass holes? too early?

sxe_beast 11

Tuesday 9 August 2011 22:37

Your little brother's asshole was a Bloody Mary after I... oh wait... what?

cowsgomooatyou 8

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:06

He sounds like an absolute sex machine.

FMLandurstoo 9

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:07

I love you Boners.

MAXCAT1220 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:08

What does a whisky dick look like and plus alcohol does the opposite lol

HailSatan66 5

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:20

What?

genesisnirvana 11

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:52

Whisky dick = nonboner thats what it looks like

powahtothepeople 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:58

Limp! Also, alcohol constricts the body's blood vessels, no blood no love! ;)

otb113 7

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:47

it looks like a flaccid dick..

fucking_dev 2

Thursday 8 November 2012 22:34

that's exactly what I was thinking .. alcohol sets you up for a good 3 hours of sex . lol

FMLandurstoo 9

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:09

You should have to have a certain iq to purchase alcohol.

asherah14 7

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:03

So damn true!

bizarre_ftw 21

Thursday 11 August 2011 2:57

Perhaps but every time you do that goes down a little bit o.O

nyklo 11

Wednesday 10 June 2015 2:18

I read that in Herbert's voice.

AvikC818 8

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:19

This is really funny

MangoRico1 1

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:20

Who Fault is it for his beer belly?

Iamnotmyself 17

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:34

-7 Wait in line like the rest of us.

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The Top

Ahoy ship's boys and girls ! Today we're heading to France. Be ready to face rain, storm and beer because Lille is welcoming us, and believe me, it's not Los Angeles. Do you all have your raincoats? -Bonjour ! First of all, present yourself ma jol...

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 16

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward and I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn't tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said, "Yes, I do work out." I have to see him every day now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 531

You deserved it 32 698

The Top

Today, I felt a painful lump on my jaw. After going on Google, I was convinced I either had an infected tooth or jaw cancer. In a panic, I rushed to the dentist and told the receptionist the problem. She pulled the dentist from an appointment, and he felt around my jaw. It was just a pimple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 326

You deserved it 27 402

Today, I called my sister and asked if she could watch my baby while I went to the store for desperately needed groceries and supplies. She refused, despite the fact that she's randomly dropped off her three rambunctious boys more times than I could count so she could go clubbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 041

You deserved it 286

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was, "God forbid a maxed-out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 713

You deserved it 21 069

Today, I bought a textbook for my college class. Not only is the £150 book only sold by our teacher, it turned out to be a piece of shit that he obviously wrote, printed, and stapled together at home. When I went to the faculty about it, I was told it's all perfectly legal, and to drop it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 817

You deserved it 3 064

Today, after working and saving up money for an entire year, I bought a 2001 VW Cabrio. I showed it to my friends, they all laughed at me and told me it was a girl's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 552

You deserved it 28 614

Today, I went to the beach. After applying sunscreen liberally and doing my best to stay out of the sun, I came home with the worst sunburn I have ever had. I almost needed to go to the hospital. I am officially too pale to be allowed outside in summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 379

You deserved it 4 249

Liquored up

Same thing different taste

Cash me?

Casual perv

I'm not paid enough for this shit

Receipe ideas

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