Make me. If you're annoyed by people in internet comments sections you probably have quite a few issues. Maybe you should be seeing someone about those rather than futilely attempting to get them to stop posting.

No, you're just annoying.... and taking this "FML" too personally.

In what way am I taking it personally exactly, and why put FML in quotation marks? And as I've already said, if you're annoyed by internet comments that's kind of your problem.

Just because I find you annoying, doesn't mean I actually care. I put FML in quotation marks, because I don't think this is one. If you weren't taking this personally, you would have left by now and gone on with your life instead of making these constant arguments and obsessively watching the board. It's been what, three hours now? Really? Eh, it doesn't matter anyways. Have fun with your pointless postings.

If you're reading comments that no one is forcing you to read and becoming annoyed by them, yeah, that kind of does mean you do care actually. I'm bored of working, and checking posts while I wait for uploads to point out the OP isn't messed up just because she had sex while in a relationship. You're upset by someone not vindicating the OPs choices, and reading through comments that aren't addressing you and making multiple comments to people who weren't even talking to you. So who is really taking it too personally?

#69 (L) you.

I think I agree with containsnosoy on this one. Your personal views on sex seem a little abrasive, but I think I can clarify your opponents' views for you, since you've been defending your point from every angle here. Because I am no prude whatsoever when it comes to sex, I hope I'm not just talking out of my ass on this. I feel like in the OP's situation, if she was in fact having sex with her boyfriend after only three weeks or even sooner, she could have waited a little longer. It doesn't say she was having sex, but for the sake of the point let's assume she was. She was having sex with her boyfriend, which I think everyone agrees is a good thing rather than it being friends with benefits or a fling, but having sex that soon can present multiple problems. In many situations like this, the presence of STD's most likely has not been addressed, neither party has really gotten to know the other on a deep level (unless they knew each other prior to being in a relationship), and the relationship is building on a foundation of sex too early, which doesn't leave much room for trust or true intimacy at that point. I feel like "mature adult realtionships" focus on sex too early, while my definition of a mature relationship - regardless of whether the two are teenagers or adults - is one in which you get to know a person and trust them and be comfortable with them, which is something that is usually not achieved within three weeks. I think this is where your not seeing other people's points. They're not being immature about sex, they (myself included) just don't want a relationship that's built on a foundation of physical intimacy only.

I was too late to edit the "your." Sorry.

I like your thoughts on this, Maddocter. You have a good point. It'll be interesting to see what Twinkle responds back, if they do. Twinkle, I don't think it matters if she's having sex or not. Maybe you have me confused with someone else on that point because I never mentioned sex and this FML until this sentence

Thanks. =) I guess I just never understood the whole adults rushing into sex thing. I see it in movies all the time, but it's just never been my cup of tea. Sometimes I over-analyze things too far, but with sex it's worth the thought I think.

STDs isn't multiple reasons. I think we're assuming from the fact the OP posted her bf wondering about her pregnant that she doesn't want to get pregnant and is using protection. Sex is one of the definitions of intimate so it doesn't make sense to say that having sex relatively early in a relationship prevents a more intimate relationship developing. Saying having sex in your relationship, which for most people wouldn't be close to the majority of their time spent together, means your relationship is based on sex is pretty stupid. You might as well say it's bad to do any activities you do together frequently because then your relationship will be based on that. And again, I don't care what your cup of tea is. Just the fact that everyone is welcome to their own cup of tea without being judged. cont, I never at any point implied you had said anything about sex. I said if you're annoyed by comments on the internet and can't make a point of your own that's relevant to the FML don't bother commenting.

Ok, I think there's been some miscommunication: STD worry was one of 3 problems I mentioned, so of course it's not the only reason, it's just a contributing factor to why rushing into sex could be potentially problematic. I meant intimate in the emotional sense, not the physical sense. If I meant intimate in the physical sense then I'd be discrediting myself entirely. And yes, I realize most people don't have sex for a good portion of the day. I'm simply illustrating that when sex is involved, it changes a relationship if a proper emotional base has not been established, meaning if sex is present too early in a relationship, it can screw with the other parts like trust and communication, which is essential in something more than a fun and flirty time. I'm not saying this can't all happen at once, but sex from the get-go can complicate things a lot of the time.

The others aren't problems for most people(although nor is the STD one for the majority of people of practice safe sex), which is why I only considered it one reason, and your last two "reasons" seem to be pretty much the same thing. If you personally find that a physically pleasurable activity prevents you from "establishing a proper emotional base" with your partner, fine, that's your personal issue, as strange as it may be(and I'm saying it is strange because you haven't actually given a reason why it would prevent you from establishing an emotional base, simply said like some abstinence-only-sex-ed teacher that it will) but you saying it does, without giving a reason why it might, isn't actually a reason why it would effect anyone in that way. Basically, you're entitled to you personal opinions about how sex effects you personally and obviously more than welcome to practice those opinions but to say that sex effects others in the same way and that everyone should wait is stupid and small minded.

I NEVER said everyone should wait (and btw you make it sound 3 weeks is "waiting," which is by no means a long time in the first place). If you want a reason why sex so early prevents an emotional bond, it's because when you start having sex with someone, you want to have sex with them all the time. It's been proven; when you have sex with a new partner a chemical is released in the brain which basically makes you want to have sex with them all the time for the first 18 months, then the effects start to wear off little by little. This can explain why, as time goes on, sex becomes less important in a relationship. Anyways, if this happens right off the bat (as in when you start to first date the person), and you haven't really gotten to know said person, sex will probably be one of the most important things, which can make people feel unsafe if they're having sex with someone they really barely know, at which point things can start to crumble. Of course, this doesn't happen 100% of the time, but that's why many relationships in which sex was established early and ended early failed.

All I've argued is that while everyone is welcome to their own views on sex, it's stupid to say your views should apply to everyone. The fact you've been adamant with arguing with me over saying this kind of does imply you think others should wait, especially when you say things like "I just never understood the whole adults rushing into sex thing" and "they just don't want a relationship that's built on a foundation of physical intimacy only". You don't need to understand why others enjoy sex early in their relationship. It's their business and works out fine for a lot of people every day. It's ridiculous to say people having sex early have it as the foundation of their relationship, and sex for most people wouldn't be considered only a physical intimacy. There are quite possibly more studies of sex than there are studies of anything else, yet I have never seen one that says it's proved that having sex makes you want sex with them all the time. Where exactly are you getting that information? On the off chance that's true, it still doesn't mean a relationship is based on it or that you would be having sex all the time. You would still go on dates, and talk, and hang out, and do all the other things couples who wait for sex would do. You just might end up spending more time by staying the night after the date. Why would someone feel unsafe during sex with someone they know well enough to call their bf? Again you're just saying that without giving a reason as to why that might happen. If someone feels unsafe during sex I'm guessing they would probably wait unless they just do it to please their partner which will cause problems in itself, but for the majority who don't see sex as something scary or threatening then it's not going to cause any issues.

I tend to watch discovery health a lot. And for the record it takes two to argue, so you reposting back to all of my comments is equally adamant. I think I have been throrough in explaining myself at this point, so if you need any more clarification as to why it's a good idea to know someone more than three weeks to have sex with them (not that anyone SHOULD but that it is a good idea) you can reply back. Up until now, you haven't really given a reason why it's a good idea to have sex with someone right away other than it feels good and it's everyone's personal choice. I whole-heartedly agree with both thoughts, but I happen to think knowing a person more than a few days is beneficial, as I'm sure many others do. Not many people looking for a long-term relationship want to rush sex. Some people who do rush sex happen to end up in a long-term relationship, but many do not - just look at the statistics (I'm sure you can easily find them). At this point it just seems like you've been arguing with everyone who thinks it's ok to wait just a little bit. In fact the OP has been ignored in our entire conversation. If she in fact had sex with her boyfriend of only three weeks then she can be mature enough to take a pregnancy joke, plain and simple. The fact that she got freaked out enough to post this as an FML proves my point that sometimes it's beneficial to really know a person before having sex with them instead of rushing sex because it feels good. It feels even better when you know you really care about each other, but everyone views sex differently and has to face the consequences based on their views, regardless of what they may be.

I really don't think you saying you watch discovery health a lot counts as any sort of evidence... It's not equally adament. You felt the need to jump in on one of my comments made to someone else. You haven't been thourough in explaining why you would say it would cause a relationship to be based on sex, or why it would make someone feel unsafe. All you've said is it would, and without a reason you can hardly even call that an opinion instead of something poorly parroted from an abstinence-only advocater. I haven't been arguing that someone should necessarily sleep with their partner in the first month, and if you think that's what I've been saying you clearly haven't been reading my comments. All I've said is that it's the individuals decision to decide what suits them best, and no one elses place to judge that decision. The fact that it feels good is a reason, and you haven't given any reason like I asked you to, as to why a physically pleasurable activity would make someone feel unsafe or cause an otherwise good relationship to break up early. At any rate, you're the one wanting to pass judgement on what others should and shouldn't do with their sex life. As the law and ethics of pretty much every first world country agrees with me, I'm pretty sure you are the one who needs to give an actual reason as to why you think your opinion of what is best for others relationships gives you a right to judge them. I've said already that pretty much all the weddings I've been to recently have been between adults who certainly had sex in their first month of dating. It's ridiculous and baseless to say people looking for lomng term relationships don't usually rush into sex. If you want to claim statistics prove this then you actually need to show which statistics you're referring to rather than saying the word statistics and thinking this some how proves your point. I'm not arguing with anyone who thinks it's OK to wait a bit. Once again, (unbelievable I'm still having to say this) I don't care what people's personal opinions on sex are. I'm arguing with people who think it's not OK for people to act in anyway that doesn't agree with their personal views on sex. There are far more FMLs of people in long term relationships who apparently don't know their partners as well as they thought, so that hardly proves your point. In fact, if anything it proves the opposite; time doesn't matter in getting to know someone, they can always surprise you.

Since when have I passed any judgement at all? Have I called the OP a ***** for supposedly having sex at the three week stage of a relationship? No. Have I said people have to wait a while before having sex? No. Have I offered up reasons why some people do wait a little while before having sex? Yes. And you say I'm judging people? Seriously, if you interpret my comments as being judgemental then you have a fairly broad view of what it means to judge a person, which I'm sure is why you've been so offended throughout this thread. And if you're going to call me out on factual statistics, then maybe you should offer up some of your own instead of being too vague to prove your point. Who knows how many recent weddings you've gone to; it could be as little as 3 or as many as 20. I've tried again and again to make you see why people on this post are being a little touchy on the subject of rushed sex, yet you seem to think none of my points are valid while, in turn, I have in fact agreed with some of yours. A little re-evaluation and recognition is all I ask. The points I have listed so exasperatingly (possible risk of STD's, unsure of having sex with someone you've only known for a short period of time, waiting to reach a closer bond, fear of being used, waiting for exclusivity) are all perfectly good reasons to wait to have sex, and are the most common reasons people do. If you need more of a concrete reason, then maybe there aren't any you're willing to see. It's the way some people feel about sex and they don't need a reason to explain it to you, which is what I think you've been trying to say from the get-go, but fail to recognize I've been arguing the same thing from a different perspective. I've been holding off on saying this throughout the entire post, but if you really need one last attempt at a viable reason to hold off on sex, here it is: some people view sex - the ultimate gift of your body to another - as a very sacred and special thing. Yes, while it is still something very pleasurable and fun to partake in, others see it as more than that. They wait until they're sure they're in love with someone until they give them the privelege of being with them in the ultimate physical way. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having sex before that, but many don't want to take the chance of sharing that experience with someone who won't appreciate it in the same way they do. And for some, having sex before knowing their partner truly feels invested in a potentially long-term realationship may lead them to feel like they're being easy if they can so readily offer up that kind of control to someone else that they haven't known for more than a few dates and aren't necessarily exclusive with. If I really need to be any clearer in my reasoning then I don't know how to fulfill that demand. It really seems to me you're choosing what you want to interpret in my posts in order to establish your point which I already deemed as perfectly ok. I really feel you're not being as completely open-minded to others' thoughts on the subject as you want others to be about your opinion.

You said "she could have waited longer", "I guess I just never understood the whole adults rushing into sex thing" and that sex early in a relationship means it's "a relationship that's built on a foundation of physical intimacy only". Those are all things that imply you know how sex will effect the majority of individuals relationships, and that is actually judgmental. You are making judgments on others values in a relationship and very directly implying that those who have sex early in a relationship have "a relationship that's built on a foundation of physical intimacy only". I never said, (and have even had to say that I haven't said this a few times now) or implied you called anyone a *****. Why do you keep bringing it up like I'm making this accusation? Does it make you feel like you're being misunderstood and therefor perhaps the rest of your message is also? Because I'm pretty sure I've been very careful about addressing every point in your post and only quoting your exact words, and not accusing you of saying anything you haven't. Would you please have the courtesy to do likewise and stop implying I have said you called the OP a ***** or that I'm saying anyone who chooses to wait is prudish, rather than what I've actually said which is that anyone who thinks everyone else should follow their choice to wait is prudish. I'm not calling you out on anything as you haven't provided anything. Saying statistics exist, and you look them up if you want to prove they don't is stupid. Asides from the fact that statistics on the internet are going to differ vastly depending on the source, and the fact there aren't going to be many reliable sources online, this is like going into a debate, making a claim, not backing it up, and saying to the opposing side that if they want to prove your so far baseless claim isn't true that they need to look it up. Grown up discussions just don't work like that sorry. I've been to 4 weddings in the last 2 years. I only brought it up after you decided it was relevant to say that your friends have rushed into sex and that it's ruined their relationships that apparently could otherwise have lasted, without offering any explanation as to why it ruined those relationships, even when asked, and not considering the possibility that it could have been any other more likely factor. People are welcome to be touchy about rushing sex, and I have never said they shouldn't be. I've only said it's none of their business to be touchy about others rushing sex. That is all I've said and you're welcome to quote me if I have said anything at all about others personal choices to wait themselves being wrong. I agreed STDs was a reason, and said that quite clearly above. Again, please stop ignoring points I've conceded and making things up, as I haven't done this to you. After agreeing that was one reason, I said the OP and most other people in relationships who don't want to get pregnant, use protecting. Saying someone is unsure about having sex isn't a reason unless you say why they might be unsure about having sex. I'm not saying there aren't reasons. I'm saying that saying that without reason isn't a reason in itself. You also haven't explained why having sex would stop you having a closer bond, asides some claim you saw something on health discovery about someone saying having sex makes you want sex all the time. Asides from the fact that sounds very unproven and you can't actually find any link of this apparent study, and I pointed out already that even if you did want sex all the time you would still spend as much time doing all the things the you would usually do when dating someone that bring you closer together and let you get to know them and that you even spend more time with them getting to know them if you end up staying the night after sex and waking up together. They were bf and gf, and we're talking about people in relationships so unless we're talking about high school relationships here I think it's a given they are already exclusive... Saying there are reasons most "common" people do is a huge and baseless assumption and somewhat offensive itself. I'm not sure why you would say to me, and no one else telling the OP she should have waited, or is a ***** for not, that "it's the way some people feel about sex and they don't need a reason to explain it to you" when I have said time and time again(probably in every post actually) that I really don't care at all what people's personal choices are and that they are welcome to them, so long as they don't think that their personal choices apply to others, which can't really be said for a lot of your comments, like the ones quoted above amongst others. I'm not sure why you think saying "some people view sex - the ultimate gift of your body to another - as a very sacred and special thing" is relevant. That doesn't contradict anything I've said. And I really don't know why anyone would have to be especially open minded to deal with my opinion that everyone is entitled to live according to their own views, so long as they don't expect others to live by their views as well.

Yes, of course I said the OP should have waited if she could have sex after just three weeks of dating and not know her boyfriend well enough to know how he acts in an intimate setting. That’s something people usually want to know. I used phrases such as “In many situations, probably, can/may make people feel, many relationships, etc.” I never said or implied sex affects everyone the same way. Of course it affects people differently. As I’ve been saying, I’m offering reasons as to why many people on this thread feel like sex so early was not a wise decision. They don’t necessarily reflect my own thoughts or actions. Maybe I should have phrased it as “I never understood the whole rushing into sex thing,” but I perceive adults as the larger group of people who rush sex, so I phrased it as adults rushing into sex. If you’re so hung up about that comment then I guess it should be changed. I didn’t say you said I called the OP a *****, I just had no idea where all these “judgmental” accusations were coming from, so I tried to make it clear that was in no way using language that would insinuate I’m judging others for having sex early in a relationship. I do think the OP should have waited (if she had sex) because of her reaction; I don’t think this about everyone else who chooses when they want to have sex. So again, I don’t think you’re implying I called the OP anything, I just find it hard to see where I’m being judgmental. As for statistics, I guess I wasn’t too clear on where I’ve been receiving information. As I’ve said, I watch discovery health, which offers a wide array of medically-accurate programs, including programs centered around sex. There are many statistics from the Kinsey report, Masters and Johnson’s “Human Sexual Response,” and opinions from members of American Association Of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. They obviously know what they’re talking about, and seeing as I don’t have a television in front of me stating where you can read this information, no, I cannot verify the “18 month rule.” Yes, I agree I never gave an explanation as to why my friend’s relationships didn’t last after rushing sex. I thought maybe the answer might have been too obvious to state right out: the girls felt the boys were using them. It is undoubtedly well-known that some (not a huge majority, but not a huge minority) of men will take advantage of a woman’s frequency to have sex if she lets him go all the way before he is emotionally invested. Some girls are ok with that, and some feel used or unsafe or like the relationship has changed now that sex has been introduced. I don’t really know why you have the part about the STD’s in there, since I wasn’t really arguing about that point. I was saying you don’t seem to think any other reasoning I’ve offered is a valid reason people think the OP should have waited because I have no concrete evidence or support. Numerous personal experiences and advice can’t exactly be recorded into a Works Cited page. “unless we're talking about high school relationships here I think it's a given they are already exclusive...” I think is kind of a biased statement. So high school teens have more opportunity to cheat than adults? I think the ratio would be pretty even. While some teenagers are hormonal and immature about relationships and think it would be ok to cheat or not be exclusive because they haven’t technically started their life yet, adults have more options in infidelity. They don’t travel in cliques so hearing gossip isn’t as concentrated as it is in high school. Making claims that when you’re in high school more people aren’t exclusive than when they’re adults isn’t a great argument. More times than not in “adult dating” you have to state your exclusivity, while in middle school or high school it’s usually a given. Aside from personal faith, yes those are the most common reason people wait to have sex. I don’t see how waiting to have an actual relationship with someone, knowing the other person isn’t just with you for sex, and knowing the other person’s sexual history and STD risk are offensive in any way. I don’t think the reasons I’ve been posting should apply to everyone, but I think that because I’m arguing with you you feel like I’m implying everyone should wait. As I’ve said in multiple posts, I never said it was wrong to have sex early. However, I have said that if the OP can get so freaked about a pillow, maybe waiting would have been a good thing.

I'm pretty sure you find out how someone behaves in an intimate setting by being in an intimate setting with them, just like you would find out how they behave in any other setting by experiencing that with them. That's not a reason she should have waited. You implied it effects most people in the same way. You're not just offering way sex can affect people differently. You've said it means a relationship is based on physical intimacy. Not that it might effect some relationships like that. That you "don't understand adults who rush sex" because then their relationship WILL be based on physical intimacy. If that's not what you meant, fine, but that is what you said. You said "Have I called the OP a ***** for supposedly having sex at the three week stage of a relationship? No. Have I said people have to wait a while before having sex? No." which makes it sound like it was an accusation in the first place. Why does the OPs reaction mean she should have waited? It's not likely she would have any indication he would do something like this(although I think speaking about it like it's not knowing him is a bit of an exaggeration as it sounds like it's just him joking around rather than some window into a big personality flaw she would have discovered if she'd gotten to know him better.) Again, it really doesn't matter what show's you've been watching. You just can't say I watched this show on TV and it said such and such so that must be true. If you can't actually find a link or published reference to these apparent statistics you can't really expect people to take your word for them. Masters and Johnsons institute themselves admit past fabrications of studies, and don't take into consideration cultural differences in their studies, and as far as I'm aware, have never had any large recognition for any study on when in a relationship it is best to have sex. The AASECT is generally more concerned about helping people with a lack of sexuality in their relationship than what you claim are the apparent statistics of relationships being more likely to break up sooner when sex is had early on in the relationship. For people out of high school, the relationship status generally means you're already emotionally invested. If someone is going to use their partner just for sex that relationship isn't going to last anyway. It's not the introduction of sex that ruins it. High school students in general do not tend to have as committed relationships as adults. I'm not sure why you would disagree with that or say it's biased. You started out with STD as your first reason. It seemed you were using it as a point for not having sex early. You also said sex in a relationship will mean it's foundation is physical rather than emotional, which does sound like you're making a judgment of how sex effects everyone. I have never said it's offensive to wait to have sex. Just that it's offensive to say everyone should.

Finally, I feel as if we’re getting somewhere. To address your first and fourth points, I do agree the OP’s boyfriend was probably joking, and she took it too seriously. If she’s going to take something as little as a pregnancy joke (especially if she’s on birth control) that seriously early on in a relationship then it leads me to believe she’s just a little immature. If he was just being a creeper, then her reaction was totally justifiable. I actually did reference two published books which can easily be found. And I realize Masters and Johnson have fabricated information in the past, which is why recent editions omit these results. There aren’t studies saying when it’s the best time to start having sex in a relationship, but there have been studies on the brain during a relationship which is sexually active that note changes in the chemical balance. That’s all I said. Yes, I agree the relationship status means you’re emotionally invested. But you seemed to imply this isn’t the case in a lot of high school relationships. Regardless of age, you can be emotionally invested in a person, date around, or cheat. There really isn’t an age past sixteen where those kinds of actions stop. I started out with STD’s only because it was the first thing to pop into my head. I never said (or implied) all relationships that have sex early on are solely based on that alone. I said they can, I never said they did.

That doesn't indicate she's immature. People have different senses of humour regardless of age, and it really depends on the manner in which her bf was doing it. I've been dating my bf almost 6 months and I'm still not always sure when he's joking or not, and I doubt I ever will be. That's not all you said. You said statistics show "some people who do rush sex happen to end up in a long-term relationship, but many do not", and that having sex early on will "make sex one of the most important things in the relationship" and that the relationship will "only be based on physical intamcy". It's not the case in a lot of high school relationships. I didn't say it wasn't possibly for high school relationships to be more serious, or even that it would be uncommon, just that they're generally not as serious as adult relationships. It wasn't a very big part of my point either. Just that most people who aren't exceptionally immature would consider being in a relationship the same as being emotionally invested. You said "they (myself included) just don't want a relationship that's built on a foundation of physical intimacy only" which pretty strongly implies that having sex early in a relationship causes that.

I'm going to go ahead and not address your 1st, 3rd, and 4th paragraph because they either aren't relevant or I agree with what you're saying. I will say, however, that I never stated anything related to statistics except the 18 month hormone release, just to clarify. I think we've whittled down our points to exhaustion. You think it's wrong to impose personal beliefs and I stated reasons why other people opposed sleeping with someone after dating for three weeks. I think those were the bases of our statements.

I couldn't edit in time. I meant to say "aren't relevant (as you stated) or I agree with what you're saying." If it came out rude before I didn't mean it to sound that way.

Ojos responded to me, not the other way around, and I'm not the one criticizing. If you were capable of basic reading comprehension you'd realise I was kind of doing the opposite of criticizing and pointing out that everyone is entitled to make their own choices when it doesn't hurt others. If you had ever had sex you'd be aware it's a pleasurable activity that doesn't harm anyone if it's two consenting adults and one of the things that separates us from animals is that it isn't merely a means to reproduce. And if I didn't have a bf(which I do) and was bitter about it as you illogically suggest, it would hardly be motivation for me to stick up for someone who does. Calm down before you give yourself a nosebleed.

23, and apparently old enough to be capable of making ridiculous, ranting comments that get moderated. How old are you?

*"capable of not"... (although that's probably obvious from my lack of moderated comments compared to the 50% of yours that are)