Intimacy: Nice way to put it

Nice way to put it

By -_- - 18/02/2012 00:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 988

You deserved it 4 089

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
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Same thing different taste

By porn daddy - 21/06/2017 00:00

Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 081

You deserved it 448

WHAT?

By what the FUCK - 15/08/2012 22:52 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 351

You deserved it 3 282

Charming dude

By unzucht - 30/05/2012 16:45 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 733

You deserved it 2 493

By fuckoffgran - 01/08/2013 14:46 - Ireland

Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 503

You deserved it 5 708

Meat beating

By Anonymous - 07/05/2024 09:00 - New Zealand

Today, I attended a family gathering where everyone was taking turns sharing exciting life updates. When it was my turn, I proudly announced that I'd finally mastered the art of adulting... only for my dad to pipe up with, "Makes a change from when you used to wank like a gibbon thinking we couldn't hear you up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 215

By mel - 18/01/2013 23:18 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 031

You deserved it 3 136

By Anonymous - 02/09/2019 04:00 - New Zealand - Invercargill

Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 809

You deserved it 164

Creepy but funny

By Anonymous - 01/06/2012 20:46 - Greece - Athens

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "Recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 850

You deserved it 3 103

By Anonymous - 15/06/2013 17:22 - United States - Seattle

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 254

You deserved it 4 208

By mandie - 13/11/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 462

You deserved it 2 539

onlychildFTW 33

Saturday 18 February 2012 6:10

He only explained your job in an "everyone will understand" way.

BeccaHugs 17

Saturday 18 February 2012 6:14

This is why family reunions suck. It always ends up with someone drunk, someone fighting, someone crying etc... I'd rather stay home and read FMLs.

Comments

aFreedom127 9

Saturday 18 February 2012 10:47

Cool job!

Baconman345 9

Saturday 18 February 2012 10:59

They need to make an episode of "Dirty Jobs" based on this...

SwtCherryPie 26

Saturday 18 February 2012 13:49

They've done one with artificial insemination (lol they bleeped out the horse's/cow's vajayjay) I think showing the process for horses might be extreme for tv... lots of kids would want to know wtf is going on.

MissHayleyJames 7

Saturday 18 February 2012 14:57

It's really not extreme but I suppose to outsiders who don't know anything about it, it would be. It's really not a dirty job either. It's actually pretty cool.