Intimacy: No gods, no masters

No gods, no masters

By anon - 31/07/2015 20:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 368

You deserved it 34 710

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very, very long minutes of it, how to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 633

You deserved it 6 407

What is it?

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 180

You deserved it 8 220

Turn off

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 18:02 - Australia - Wembley

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 037

You deserved it 4 250

Bad actor

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 23:00

Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 1 391

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 304

By Highnapple - 04/03/2015 07:55 - Canada - Sarnia

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 132

You deserved it 4 526

Actor's Studio

By darthmilfious - 31/03/2010 07:56 - France

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 684

You deserved it 69 138

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 044

You deserved it 18 790

Romance isn't dead

By budda1368 - 09/10/2019 22:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 228

You deserved it 1 280

Do that again

By lotrgeek - 13/02/2012 13:37 - Canada

Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 647

You deserved it 7 140

raysmith121 10

Saturday 1 August 2015 8:29

This really is your fault. You should instruct him and guide him.

MDoremis 38

Saturday 1 August 2015 8:31

You kind of deserved that. There's no point in lying to save someone's feelings and make yourself miserable.

Comments

vesquivel62 12

Tuesday 4 August 2015 20:38

guys a re retards. you must lead them to do as you'd like. of course unless, they watch too much ****.

lRain 6

Thursday 6 August 2015 6:17

It seems like you're not old enough for sex. Most adults, even if virgins talk about what they like, what can they do to improve and things like that. Faking it is not going to do anything for your sex life.

TeeGee_McGee 4

Thursday 6 August 2015 23:38

Faking it is one of the biggest BITCH moves someone can pull on a man. Not. Cool.

KimiE1994 2

Sunday 9 August 2015 2:35

Why would you fake it? Why...

Hiphuray4peas 27

Monday 14 September 2015 20:11

Whether or not OP should have instructed him is moot. I think the blame lies on the **** industry. To think that "bitch-slapping" a vulva or ******** feels good is an idea perpetuated by the industry. Even the women IN **** don't like that, but people who watch that see it done over and over and then employ the tactic in their own bed thinking "If it worked in ****..."