Intimacy: Pissed

Pissed

By banned - 09/03/2012 06:59 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 268

You deserved it 7 789

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

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Same thing different taste

By coolhand - 29/08/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 514

You deserved it 67 440

Not now, guys

By Sonofa - 17/05/2013 15:52 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 242

You deserved it 3 808

By jester777 - 22/01/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 549

You deserved it 49 422

By maniac11 - 11/10/2012 00:58 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 505

You deserved it 6 589

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 14:06 - Canada

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 911

You deserved it 39 536

By newlydumped - 21/09/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house for the first time. I had to use the restroom, and when I came back, I mocked her brothers' lame Pokémon shower curtain and Ninja Turtle towels. Turns out they were hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 649

You deserved it 64 496

By IceMage - 18/01/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 644

You deserved it 39 423

Kinky

By sad_dad - 24/10/2009 17:35 - Canada

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower. Instead, I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 237

You deserved it 10 342

Back to reality

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 18:02 - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 966

You deserved it 28 294

By Anonymous - 13/03/2010 09:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 772

You deserved it 10 098

twofirstnames 12

Friday 9 March 2012 12:35

Great way to meet the parents...

SW500 13

Friday 9 March 2012 12:36

Why would they do that while anyone but the family was over?

Comments

Nuttyicecream 2

Friday 9 March 2012 20:42

Double penetration?

bubo_fml 10

Friday 9 March 2012 21:17

Did you have a "pee-some?" (Sea what I did there?!?)

grenj 8

Friday 9 March 2012 21:31

Now this is a real **** My Life!!

cben519 2

Friday 9 March 2012 21:31

Your girlfriend sounds like an immature little brat

chujel1302 1

Friday 9 March 2012 21:40

3some?

aerogxt 7

Friday 9 March 2012 22:13

Don't worry. They'll return the favor one day :)

Calyx_fml 21

Friday 9 March 2012 22:24

Foursome?

Guido25897 4

Friday 9 March 2012 23:34

Am I the only one wondering what the joke was?

sadistmonkey 19

Saturday 10 March 2012 0:20

Someone who didn't get sarcasm on the internet (where you don't have clues like tone of voice) isn't automatically stupid.

ONE_LOVEMrMarley 0

Saturday 10 March 2012 0:22

i kinda dont believe the last part

Keywords

Transportation Cars Embarrassing Relatable Work Mental health Awkward AITA Am I overreacting? Love Social Media Annoying Family Sex Intimacy Coworkers Poopoo peepee Dentist Health Cute Sleep Dogs Animals Shopping My ex Cats Job interview Clothes Miscellaneous Weird

The Top

Today, my girl was giving me a BJ when my dog started howling. She keeps going; my dog keeps howling. She stops, my dog stops. We start getting it on again and my girl starts giving me a BJ again; my dog starts howling louder this time. So we stop. My dog stopped me from getting some. This is a first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 244

Today, as I was walking to wash my hands after using the restroom, the guy walking away from the sink flicked water from his hands towards the floor. Water splashed all over my beige shorts. I had to walk back into class looking like I'd peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 835

You deserved it 442

The Top

Today, I gave my mother a pre-prepared deposit envelope with my fortnightly wage in it, in cash. I tell her exactly where the deposit box is and what to do. I'm now desperately calling the bank because my mother accidentely put my $1200 deposit in the little trash can for receipts under the ATM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 946

You deserved it 13 938

Today, someone accused me of stuffing my bra when some tissue fell out. I was too embarrassed to tell them I wasn't stuffing, the tissue was used to sop up my boob sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 664

You deserved it 1 895

Today, I was at my friends' farm and we decided that we wanted to go to their old treehouse. When we got down there, it turned out my friend Cat had forgotten her shoes. Being a gentleman, I lent her my sandals. I then climbed the treehouse, fell out, and got a nail through my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 059

You deserved it 6 940

Today, I woke up to my Playstation 3 and my laptop missing and window open. My dad faked a robbery to see me freak out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 487

You deserved it 6 844

Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom, where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 592

You deserved it 3 911

Today, my husband and I were talking about names for our expectant child. I told him since I named our daughter he could name our son. He's decided on a name from 'God of War'. My son is going to be named after a make-believe cartoon character - Kratos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 564

You deserved it 31 980