Wanker and Intimacy: Quick thinking

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Quick thinking

By me. - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 054

You deserved it 35 410

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 22/07/2017 05:29 - United States - Irving

Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 205

You deserved it 1 285

By Hard in flip flops - 21/01/2018 06:00

Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 927

You deserved it 4 762

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 211

You deserved it 56 670

Knock first

By jesus christ, dad - 06/09/2013 16:48 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 932

You deserved it 7 078

By jack s.b. - 14/11/2013 22:15 - United States - Austin

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 085

You deserved it 16 442

Parental advice

By ifeeldirty - 27/10/2011 12:22 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 119

You deserved it 8 910

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 14:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my dad touching his knob, in the kitchen, while cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 347

You deserved it 4 005

By GoldenTornado11 - 10/05/2017 14:00

Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 174

You deserved it 565

Excuse me

By Anonymous - 30/03/2015 10:30 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my parents walked in on me, having sex. No, I wasn't having sex. They were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 333

You deserved it 3 803

But… no! I wasn't!

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 13:00 - United States

Today, I was laying in bed with the covers over me, when I got an itch on my leg. It felt really good to scratch it so I got really into it. At that very moment my mom walked in, saw me doing a back and forth motion under the covers, gave me a look of disgust, and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 977

You deserved it 5 883

BlacOpsMaximus 5

Saturday 29 October 2011 12:16

Dad: Must have been one hell of an itch Offspring: Yes, it kinda was... O.o Dad: Umm why are there stains on your shorts, & wtf is that smell?? ..

jf7609 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 12:14

LOL, classic!

Comments

KiddNYC1O 20

Sunday 30 October 2011 0:17

Legit.

UnluckyDude96 8

Sunday 30 October 2011 1:05

Might want to get some ointment for that itch...

chelseaaababyyy 17

Sunday 30 October 2011 1:14

hes a guy, he should understand how 'itchy' you can get.

kemioh 3

Sunday 30 October 2011 2:12

aw all bad

yety175 0

Sunday 30 October 2011 2:10

no no mood they walk in on you you look them dead in the eyes and finish off slowly

kayfeffa 10

Friday 4 November 2011 2:58

wtf thats fkin nasty

justanotherbird 19

Sunday 30 October 2011 2:16

Lmao. It's ok OP, we all get that itch sometimes.

Soreeyeah 17

Sunday 30 October 2011 4:02

Lol same happen to me!

theonlysweetpea 10

Sunday 30 October 2011 5:01

That was awesome.

Feedmyaddiction5 14

Sunday 30 October 2011 6:36

You should see a doctor about that itch. Or lock your door lol

MansonFTW 5

Sunday 30 October 2011 7:43

Umm does anyone know if this is a girl or guy? Lol

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Embarrassing Awkward Work Miscellaneous Politics Parents Weird Health Poopoo peepee I need your advice Anniversary Animals Cats Weather Kids Love Sex Cute Kittens Intimacy Underwear Gross Music Weddings Religion Stalker Cheating Mental health Transportation Cars

The Top

Today, I was walking down my road in the hill-country of Texas, when I spotted something shiny buried in the dirt. Thinking it could be something interesting, I picked it up, and, after turning it over numerous times in my hand, realized that it was, in fact, an old silver bullet vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 113

You deserved it 1 085

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 011

You deserved it 10 429

The Top

Today, my new boss, the CEO's son, finally showed up for work, three days late and right after lunch break. His first order of business was to call a meeting and scream at everyone for not having a diet latte waiting for him on his desk. God help us all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 209

You deserved it 1 794

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 650

You deserved it 4 406

Today, I sent a guy that I like a lot a picture of myself. I'd got all dressed up sexy and did my make-up. He sent me a reply saying, "Your cat is fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 650

You deserved it 6 977

Today, as I was finishing running a mile, my entire class begun to cheer me on. I felt happy since I don't have many friends. Only when I got closer did I realize that they were cheering for the girl behind me, and in fact, not one person was cheering for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 834

You deserved it 2 975

Today, I'm working in hospitality. I was serving a customer when another customer came up to cash in from the pokies. I told them I'd be there in a minute, and they said OK. By the time I got to them, they were complaining to my boss. Guess whose side was taken? FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 83

Today, I realized one of my best friends was only friends with me because I would take her shopping, spoil her regularly, and help her out financially. She moved to another province and only contacted me whenever she wanted money. After I refused a couple of times, she deleted me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 788

You deserved it 2 730