Sips unsee juice

By Facepalm2020 - 21/06/2020 23:01

Today, my mom asked me what twerking was. When I said that it was a club dance, trying to get out of telling her what it actually was, she begged me to teach her how to do it. My mom complained to my dad, who grounded me for not teaching her to twerk her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 348

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Same thing different taste

By FMLPLZ - 03/01/2014 02:52 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, when I am asked to do something and I don't do it immediately, my mother threatens to "twerk" in front of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 762

You deserved it 9 203

By Jess - 30/05/2011 15:46 - United States

Today, my mom publicly pole danced. In a playground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 082

You deserved it 5 036

By anonymous - 06/05/2013 18:08 - United States - Poway

Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 461

You deserved it 4 988

By embarassinggg - 06/02/2013 18:57 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my mum came to my ballet class. She spent the whole lesson sitting at the back yelling at me to, "Stop sticking your butt out!" My ballet instructor had to ask her several times to pipe down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 559

You deserved it 2 478

Alexa, play "Rockit" by Herbie Hancock

By Anonymous - 19/08/2011 07:13 - United States

Today, I wanted to show my teenage daughter what we did when I was her age. We used to breakdance, so I stuck on a Grandmaster Flash track, and tried some old moves on the living room floor. I spun out of control, smacked my head into a wall and pulled a back muscle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 333

You deserved it 41 201

Humor bypass

By #goodbyelife - 09/12/2014 00:38 - United States

Today, my mom texted me and asked what I was up to. In response, I joked, "Dancing on the dining room table, waving dad's Calvin Klein's in the air, and shooting bullets into her bedroom floor." Not only did the cops show up, but now I'm grounded for two weeks for being, "deceptively believable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 137

You deserved it 6 234

You OK hon?

By religiunatic - 13/12/2013 17:09 - Canada - Keswick

Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off". She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 821

You deserved it 3 128

Hank Pecker

By Anonymous - 19/06/2013 15:29 - United States - Richmond

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 160

You deserved it 3 616

Not so Karate Kid

By Matthew - 09/03/2020 19:00 - United States - Juneau

Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 346

By Messiahman - 30/10/2011 01:31 - United States

Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school carnival. I jokingly squeeze her butt, only to find her mom standing right above us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 927

You deserved it 34 060

RichardPencil 30

Monday 22 June 2020 2:14

Give her a link to a video of twerking, especially Miley Cyrus. She'll never ask you anything again!

Roxy Rousseau 11

Monday 22 June 2020 4:27

Show her a YouTube video of people twerking. She’ll either love it or hate it.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Monday 22 June 2020 2:14

Give her a link to a video of twerking, especially Miley Cyrus. She'll never ask you anything again!

Roxy Rousseau 11

Monday 22 June 2020 4:27

Show her a YouTube video of people twerking. She’ll either love it or hate it.

Yudith 24

Monday 22 June 2020 13:06

Don't forget to film her movements when you teach her how to twerk. You know, for educational purpose.

jfigley 5

Monday 22 June 2020 22:24

Thats kinda funny. Should have just told her to look it up on YouTube

AmbrosiaFan 18

Monday 22 June 2020 23:36

How old are you? Under 18, tell dad you don't know what that is. Over 18, he can't ground you.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Monday 29 June 2020 3:51

Tell her to Google it like a normal person.

randybryant799 20

Wednesday 8 September 2021 23:46

I don't understand why you didn't just tell her what it was? That's ridiculous.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I came out as lesbian and introduced my new girlfriend to my family. My mom angrily told me that I should have waited until my grandparents had died before coming out, and that I was "extremely disrespectful" for making this announcement. I honestly thought everyone would be fine with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 094

You deserved it 1 169

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 482

You deserved it 11 505

The Top

Today, while talking to the girl I have a crush on, I bragged how people tell me I have a voice for radio. She responded, "And the face for it too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 799

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he didn't believe in marriage. His response was, "I believe in marriage. Just not marriage with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 660

You deserved it 5 866

Today, I shot my boyfriend in the balls by mistake, twice. First it was a paintball gun I was using with my nephew, then it was a slingshot I use to scare away the bird who keeps eating fish from my pond. He is now sat icing his groin acting like I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 981

Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 397

You deserved it 1 736

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 006

You deserved it 14 736

Today, I got my car back from the repair shop. After paying $400 for them to fix the scratches on the driver's side door, some one decided to key both sides of my car while I was on my lunch break from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 039

You deserved it 2 963