Op, do explain

immaculate conception?

Never doubt someone with a track record. On multiple occasions, my mom has told her coworkers that they were pregnant before they even knew themselves.

What kind of witchcraft is this?

If there's really no way you could be pregnant you should probably see a doctor, there may be another problem causing a false positive or there may be nothing and you can get cleared of other health concerns and a pregnancy and prove your mother wrong. Otherwise, I guess there was a way for you to be pregnant after all. Though who gets heartburn from being around a pregnant woman? That sounds like complete bullshit. I feel like she made up some dumbass excuse because she suspected it for other reasons. Then again it being such a dumbass excuse may actually be really genius just to get you to try to prove to her that it was just bullshit like it sounded.

The condom company owes you an apology letter

That sounds like my mom

OP here! (posted this from a different computer and not on my account because I'm obviously an idiot) Don't worry though! I finished college about a month ago, have a full time and a part time job, also recently married to the father of the baby, and am setting up my new house so everything will be all waaayyyyy set up when the baby gets here. I'm only a couple months along. It's not a bad thing to be pregnant all the time! It was just a surprise to find out by being forced to take a test from your crazy mother! Sometimes, you think you're too busy to be slowed down by kids, but it can be exciting, too! I may not have intended to be a mother yet, but I think it will be a new adventure!

i thought there was no way. ....

Your mother is amazing.