Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Spicy
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
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Same thing different taste

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Top comments

Glitterhinoceros 14

Yeah, that's not very attractive >.>

511 21

Comments

Melissac2011 1

lmao the **** wrong with her?

4 8
DocBastard 38

"Baby, I want you to put your phallus into my ****** and then thrust inwards and outwards repeatedly. Yes, it is very well-lubricated because I'm quite aroused. And your penis is extremely engorged with blood. My erogenous zones are all hypersensitive because of your excellent stimulation. You're doing quite well. Yes, please continue penetrating me just like that. I feel my ****** is approaching. Is yours as well?"

89 1
harbqll 0

That is SO hot. Keep going.

28 0
CaptainPickles72 18

#45- Ahh, go old Amish sex! Good times, good times... Haha, you see it's okay to make fun of them! They won't know.

22 3
bvq25 8

lmao! your comments never fail to make me laugh

1 2
flockz 19

i felt my ****** approaching just by enveloping myself in your comment. please, someone, go and fetch me some damp beach towels for i have not masturbated in a few hours and this explosion could be catastrophic to my surroundings.

5 2
sadistmonkey 19

"Please don't ejaculate before I ****** though"

2 1
lalatookasheema 8

My brain forced me to read this in a creepy whisper of a gay man's voice. Why? I have no idea. But it disturbs me....

11 0
Stan_Cubed 7

Really? Cause I pictured Fez's (that 70's show) voice saying it.

3 1
Ins_Knie 2

Sorry, I did not see any 'dirty talk' in your FML...

2 9
The_Hitdude 12

That was the point... That's her version of talking dirty, which, as you can see, isn't very dirty.

5 1
Ins_Knie 2

Thanks for clarifying. I seriously thought of a young religious guy who cringed at the word 'fellate' and considered it dirty talk, hence no quotes around that. My bad.

0 3
mikeymayhem_87 15

She wants to fellate you, huh? Sounds like a keeper to me!!

4 1
Zodiac666 0

I would hit that so hard...send her my way.

3 1
ThatLooksSticky 16

I wanna know what the ice is for...

6 1
CaptainPickles72 18

Well... there goes my erection! Thank your girlfriend for me OP, she ruined a perfectly good boner!

5 2
grannygruber 6

Ummmm, wow. Teach her how to talk dirty. Maybe she wanted to try something new but also found being vulgar embarrassing. Honestly took me awhile to be comfortable with talking dirty!

6 1