Family, Awkward and Intimacy: Stay classy - FML

Stay classy

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 19:23 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherfucking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 786

You deserved it 3 798

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By nacho - 24/01/2012 06:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 084

You deserved it 4 338

By meunluckycharms - 14/09/2015 19:54 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 677

You deserved it 1 849

By leahrb - 24/02/2016 18:55 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 345

You deserved it 1 890

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 13/03/2014 09:34 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 470

You deserved it 6 201

By coffee_princess - 22/07/2010 23:14 - Canada

Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 944

You deserved it 4 465

By amore89 - 28/07/2019 12:00

Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 243

Yikes!

By Anonymous - 31/08/2010 05:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 253

You deserved it 7 250

Dad jokes, part #23556

By ashamed - 28/10/2019 02:00

Today, I finally let my parents meet a boyfriend of mine for the first time ever. My dad mentioned how he was happy to finally meet him, because for the past 4 years he'd thought I was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 583

You deserved it 196

By pdub523 - 27/01/2013 05:57 - United States - Longview

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 193

You deserved it 3 814

By cgold - 30/04/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 211

You deserved it 8 841

Next

Top comments

wrgfml 0

Thursday 30 December 2010 23:23

Sorry he was such a jerk. He was probably real nervous and blurted. At least that'sy hope. Congrats on the bazongas.

bummervacation 10

Thursday 30 December 2010 23:23

I think you were better off without that asshole.

Comments

Mattxy8 5

Thursday 19 May 2011 22:00

nice bozangas ;)

wikkedphuka 0

Tuesday 14 June 2011 5:27

thank u for being normal!!!! thats sick who cares if ur nervous .... wierdo!!

bh173 0

Wednesday 22 June 2011 23:50

your dads a ******* perve dude..

briissocoollike 8

Monday 15 August 2011 20:05

At least u have big **** BE PROUD OF EM..but it's pretty creepy that ur dad said it so fyl

neilsc 8

Sunday 6 November 2011 22:34

haha love it! This will be a good story to tell your kids someday "Mommy, what was grandpa like?" "Well I never met him till I was older and the first thing he said to me was pretty much I like your boobs" Lol I wanna meet your dad ;)

strawberryspacejam 11

Sunday 5 February 2012 1:26

ur dads a fucktard its gazongas

ElricMustang 23

Sunday 12 February 2012 17:50

He could've been nervous. Or who knows, maybe you forgt to put on all your clothes that day.

babe7260 30

Monday 2 April 2012 16:14

What an asshole, creeper!!thank God he hasn't been around!! You deff weren't missing anything !!!! So sorry that happened

shinedown00 4

Wednesday 17 April 2013 2:22

Nice job ;)

RaynbowRebel 2

Wednesday 2 October 2013 15:31

One word "men."

5
6
7
8
9

Keywords

My ex Love Awkward Jealousy AITA Friends Poopoo peepee Health Embarrassing Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Work Relatable Money Parenting Kids DIY Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, I got into an argument with my boyfriend, who recently had to move away, about not calling me enough. Apparently his moving had meant that we were now taking a break, he just forgot to talk it over with me. He still wants to visit, and keep the relationship in bed alive though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 670

You deserved it 4 364

Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did I remembered there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper; he never did, and came out without socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 524

You deserved it 5 800

The Top

Today, my kids' mother, who has been absent and living in a different state for over 12 years, sent a children services worker to my house with a long list of allegations, even though she's 25k behind in support, rather than try to build a normal relationship with her kids in any kind of healthy way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 72

Today, my sister asked me to babysit so they could have date night, AKA sex without children in the house. I have a major surgery tomorrow and am in no fit mental state for three children under 10, so I said no. She called me an inconsiderate prick and slammed my door, breaking the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 621

You deserved it 145

Today, while at the office, a surprise Valentine's gift arrived for me, the first I've ever received. It was a box of heart-shaped cookies. From my mother. I'm 39. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 737

You deserved it 4 140

Today, the most action I had on Valentine's day was a homeless guy pulling his dick out at me as I walked home from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 062

You deserved it 1 931

Today, I went on a date with this really cute guy. We were walking in a park and decided to go on the swings. As I was swinging super high up, I threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 335

Today, I noticed I was starting to get a double chin. I’ve only just gotten to a healthy weight after a serious battle with anorexia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 123