Family, Awkward and Intimacy: Stay classy - FML

Stay classy

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 19:23 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherfucking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 793

You deserved it 3 800

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Same thing different taste

By nacho - 24/01/2012 06:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 090

You deserved it 4 339

By meunluckycharms - 14/09/2015 19:54 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 680

You deserved it 1 850

By leahrb - 24/02/2016 18:55 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 352

You deserved it 1 893

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 13/03/2014 09:34 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 478

You deserved it 6 202

By coffee_princess - 22/07/2010 23:14 - Canada

Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 948

You deserved it 4 467

By amore89 - 28/07/2019 12:00

Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 887

You deserved it 244

Yikes!

By Anonymous - 31/08/2010 05:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 258

You deserved it 7 252

Dad jokes, part #23556

By ashamed - 28/10/2019 02:00

Today, I finally let my parents meet a boyfriend of mine for the first time ever. My dad mentioned how he was happy to finally meet him, because for the past 4 years he'd thought I was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 586

You deserved it 197

By pdub523 - 27/01/2013 05:57 - United States - Longview

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 198

You deserved it 3 814

By cgold - 30/04/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 216

You deserved it 8 842

Next

Top comments

wrgfml 0

Thursday 30 December 2010 23:23

Sorry he was such a jerk. He was probably real nervous and blurted. At least that'sy hope. Congrats on the bazongas.

bummervacation 10

Thursday 30 December 2010 23:23

I think you were better off without that asshole.

Comments

lzenon 0

Friday 31 December 2010 9:08

at least he will always have that mammary of you...wait I mean **** the first time he saw you... darn. just nvm

archevaldhoratio 0

Friday 31 December 2010 11:12

oh dear, that can't have been nice

tubal069 0

Friday 31 December 2010 12:01

Looks like you are off to a good start. Why not show us what you're working with and allow us to be the judge. In my Dave Chappelle voice...."show me your *******" lmao

Serix 0

Friday 31 December 2010 12:39

I totally lol'd..

wriptidez 0

Friday 31 December 2010 14:09

hes weird

rickusa 1

Friday 31 December 2010 17:02

Can I be your DAD ????

kingtz 6

Friday 31 December 2010 19:44

I'm gonna need to see some pics to see of the dad was right!

TakeOneLastBreat_fml 0

Saturday 1 January 2011 4:58

Pedo ftw

ManaUser 0

Saturday 1 January 2011 23:14

What's with all the pedophile comments? Pedophiles have absolutely no interest in "motherf*cking bazongas".

angel_loverknk 0

Sunday 2 January 2011 0:54

what an a**hole.

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Keywords

Toxic Family Miscellaneous Food Love Health Valentine's Day Gross Homeowners Home improvement Babysitter Kids Awkward Drugs Music Crush Lonely Relatable Wanker Intimacy Animals Cats Coworkers Work Embarrassing Sleep Transportation Airplanes Mental health Cute

The Top

Today, I was in yoga class. We were in downward-facing dog pose, and the male instructor stood behind me and gave me an assist/adjustment by pulling upward on my hips. As I left the class, I realized that was the most intimate touch I've ever received from a man. I'm a 25-year-old straight woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 824

You deserved it 253

Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 871

You deserved it 8 210

The Top

Today, I was with my girlfriend at lunch when a group of guys came over. They started calling her a whore and a bunch of other shit, so I cussed them out. Turns out she was not only cheating on me, but all the other guys too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 953

You deserved it 2 249

Today, I’m in China for work, and for the second time someone told me that I look like Vladimir Putin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 79

Today, I went to visit my aunt who recently was released from an institution. She had leftover Christmas cookies so I began snacking on them. They tasted a bit off so I inquired about the ingredients. She told me they only had white icing so she used Crayola markers to give them color. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 629

You deserved it 5 822

Today, I was sitting next to an attractive man. Much to my surprise, he started stroking his foot against mine. I was happy at the flirting, because I've been attracted to him forever, so I played along. That's when he stood up and explained he was trying to stretch out a cramp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 796

You deserved it 11 772

Today, I went to a carnival. While walking around with my cousin, I saw a one hundred dollar bill on the ground. Just before I stepped on it, a man grabbed it. His words? "Don't you just hate it when that happens?" And he walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 378

You deserved it 5 720

Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 468

You deserved it 10 856