Sex, Texting and Intimacy: Stop - FML

Stop

By dad - 03/03/2009 22:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 368

You deserved it 83 165

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Same thing different taste

Revelations

By ed5509 - 25/12/2021 22:59 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I received a text from a man my wife had an affair with, in which he stated that my 18 year-old daughter is biologically his. He then sent me pictures of her that my wife had sent to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 110

By MGZ - 19/10/2009 02:33 - United States

Today, I told my 13 year-old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming, "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 389

You deserved it 8 584

By Noname - 06/03/2009 19:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488 249

You deserved it 106 775

By OhFseriously123 - 06/08/2009 10:05 - Italy

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 554

You deserved it 13 642

By Oops54321 - 28/09/2009 07:12 - France

Spicy

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 724

You deserved it 33 262

By angrymother - 27/07/2016 01:21

Spicy

Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 821

You deserved it 1 732

By Anonymous - 10/07/2013 16:38 - United States - Spencer

Today, my 15-year-old birth daughter asked if I've ever had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 483

You deserved it 8 345

All kinds of wrong

By Anonymous - 10/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had my girlfriend over after my wife went to work. She looked so sexy in her outfit, I couldn’t resist. I ripped her clothes off and began to do her on my couch… until I heard my daughter’s voice asking, “Dad, who’s that?” Apparently, she was home sick from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 1 585

Disrespectful

By awskme - 09/01/2010 00:36 - France

Spicy

Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfriend of nine months. She was making a lot of noise, so I told her to keep it down, and reminded her that my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later, I got a text from my sister, saying my parents wanted to make sure I was wearing a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 850

You deserved it 29 099

By aprouddaddy - 04/12/2014 23:46 - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 832

You deserved it 6 586

Next

Top comments

MissFae 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 9:53

Why are you checking texts in the middle of sex? We're gonna see your wife posting here next...

Edmund_Dantes 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 9:41

"in a minute!"

Comments

myster1ous 0

Monday 16 March 2009 21:46

LOL. Well, you should have sex when she is not there or at least be quieter.

jayrad 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 3:46

hahaha beastttt. she just hatin on u she jelous she dont get as much as u do

Jali_Malcolm 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 19:54

Here is the proper response: "OMG! I.N.B.D!"

wrknhotelrooms 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 22:59

Wow. **** all of you for calling her a little "brat" or "bitch".

sealedtight 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 4:11

um; ok im 16 now; and i walked in on my mom and my step dad when i was 14; i will be scarred for life; i mean; its not sumthing i wanna see. i would perfer to have them doing it wheni am NOT home thank you very much,

lundo 3

Wednesday 18 March 2009 6:47

wait we are almost done

AlisonMarie 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 0:03

I'm a fifteen year old girl and if I heard my parents doing that I would walk in the room with my eyes shut and throw up all over the bed. **** the texting. Dude, you should control that. go to a hotel or at least be quiet. Christ.

Sa_Ku 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 22:53

ROFL. Hahaha. Your daughter is funny.

doesntplaywell 0

Friday 20 March 2009 13:47

That's not FML... that's actually F*** my Wife...

voice_of_reason 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 17:51

#146: That's not what defines civilization. If you read the post to the end and still don't get it.... Well then, nevermind. Nice screen name, btw.

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The Top

Today, my wife quit her job, not wanting to go back to in person at her office, to be a stay-at-home mom. Tomorrow, for my birthday, I was going to tell her that I'm not in love with her, have found an apartment, and signed a 2-year lease. I can't afford the apartment, mortgage, and the kids' tuition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 2 771

Hi gang! My name is Julien and I’m very happy to be with you for this week’s brand new illustrated FML. I’m so happy, I feel like rolling about like a turtle. This week, we’re trying something different. As you may know, FML was originally ...

I agree, your life sucks 0

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The Top

Today, I was mowing the lawn of my brand new house, located in a very nice neighborhood, when a lady in her nice white cadillac drove up and asked me, in extremely broken Spanish, if I could mow her lawn too. I'm a hispanic guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148 502

You deserved it 11 708

Today, I dressed up in my nicest clothes and spent ages putting makeup on before going to a nightclub, hoping to meet someone nice. The only person who acknowledged me was a guy who yelled, "Hey, wanna fuck?! Not like anyone else would ever touch you, am I right?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 882

You deserved it 4 834

Today, as a limo driver, I had to drive 8 guys for a night-out from their wives. I put the Michigan/Rutgers game on the radio, thinking they would appreciate that. Apparently, they wanted to listen to their "pump-up" songs instead, which were mostly Katy Perry songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 684

You deserved it 5 247

Today, I pointed out to my girlfriend that she wasn't jealous. She replied, "Well actually, I am, I just can't prove it cause no one else is interested in you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 939

You deserved it 4 249

Today, I was forced to listen to a client rant about her lackluster sexual encounters with her husband. I was also given a rather detailed description of his manhood. Apparently, it's small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 020

You deserved it 2 643

Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 840

You deserved it 4 562