Sex, Texting and Intimacy: Stop - FML

Stop

By dad - 03/03/2009 22:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 368

You deserved it 83 165

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Revelations

By ed5509 - 25/12/2021 22:59 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I received a text from a man my wife had an affair with, in which he stated that my 18 year-old daughter is biologically his. He then sent me pictures of her that my wife had sent to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 110

By MGZ - 19/10/2009 02:33 - United States

Today, I told my 13 year-old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming, "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 389

You deserved it 8 584

By Noname - 06/03/2009 19:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488 249

You deserved it 106 775

By OhFseriously123 - 06/08/2009 10:05 - Italy

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 554

You deserved it 13 642

By Oops54321 - 28/09/2009 07:12 - France

Spicy

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 724

You deserved it 33 262

By angrymother - 27/07/2016 01:21

Spicy

Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 821

You deserved it 1 732

By Anonymous - 10/07/2013 16:38 - United States - Spencer

Today, my 15-year-old birth daughter asked if I've ever had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 483

You deserved it 8 345

All kinds of wrong

By Anonymous - 10/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had my girlfriend over after my wife went to work. She looked so sexy in her outfit, I couldn’t resist. I ripped her clothes off and began to do her on my couch… until I heard my daughter’s voice asking, “Dad, who’s that?” Apparently, she was home sick from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 1 585

Disrespectful

By awskme - 09/01/2010 00:36 - France

Spicy

Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfriend of nine months. She was making a lot of noise, so I told her to keep it down, and reminded her that my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later, I got a text from my sister, saying my parents wanted to make sure I was wearing a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 850

You deserved it 29 099

By aprouddaddy - 04/12/2014 23:46 - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 832

You deserved it 6 586

Next

Top comments

MissFae 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 9:53

Why are you checking texts in the middle of sex? We're gonna see your wife posting here next...

Edmund_Dantes 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 9:41

"in a minute!"

Comments

madalou2012 0

Sunday 5 April 2009 2:13

she's jealous that she isn't getting any ass.

poprockbomber_x 0

Monday 6 April 2009 3:39

i did that to my parents! :D

SeiferAlmasy 0

Tuesday 7 April 2009 2:35

YDI for letting your fourteen year old have her own cell phone.

lexxi_fml 0

Friday 10 April 2009 0:25

#13 is a creeper.......

MissMel_fml 0

Thursday 16 April 2009 2:08

hahaha ive so done that to my rents too! i was then told that i was having a nightmare and to go back to bed :P

cspinky 0

Saturday 18 April 2009 7:16

GOOD FOR HER. daym if my rents did tht i...idk what i would do..lol atLEAST wait til she leaves the houseee!!!

MechaMew2 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 7:40

@#11 "Today I was having sex with my husband, and right in the middle, he picks up his phone to check a text message. Turns out it was our daughter telling us to stop. FML." Fix'd.

Katlynnnn 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 17:29

Silly daughter. Silly parents.

ad_infinitum 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:11

#147: You are immature. You are alive because your parents had sex, think about it. But yes, being quiet after having children is really important.

wollzilla 0

Wednesday 13 May 2009 10:30

poor parents.

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, a few days after I let my boyfriend introduce food into our sex life and we used melted chocolate, I've now got a UTI. I’ve never had a UTI before in my life, so I’m blaming him for the fact it feels like I’m peeing needles dipped in acid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 2 450

Today, my wife of one week changed locks of the house and put my stuff outside. A letter addressed to “Elizabeth” had arrived in the mail. She thinks it’s my “secret side wife” and that I’m cheating. She was actually the previous owner of the house. My wife told me to, “Tell that lie to someone else.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 376

You deserved it 161

The Top

Today, my son had an excessive nosebleed, like I did when I was little. I called my parents to ask what the name of the surgery was that I had to stop the bleeding. They don’t know because they don’t remember me needing surgery for that, OR when I had my tonsils and adenoids removed. They remember my brother’s though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 107

Today, I sent my resumé to a former coworker to get some pointers, except that I sent it to his old work email account and now my boss knows I’m looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 980

Today, my daughter brought home her class hamster for the weekend. It escaped and we spent hours searching for it. We later found it in the fridge, eating our leftover pizza. I never knew hamsters had such a refined palate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 174

Today, I got yelled at by a customer for refusing to give a found credit card to a woman it didn't belong to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 062

You deserved it 770

Today, I think I've conditioned my body to not function without technology, as I simply couldn't take a shit until I got up, fetched my phone and returned to the toilet to read stuff on here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 009

You deserved it 6 316

Today, the really cute guy who asked for my number last night texted me. He wanted to know if he could get my friend's number, because he'd been too shy to ask her directly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 775

You deserved it 2 804