Intimacy: Superfreak

Superfreak

By callie - 18/06/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 957

You deserved it 6 644

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 13:00 - United States

Today, I was laying in bed with the covers over me, when I got an itch on my leg. It felt really good to scratch it so I got really into it. At that very moment my mom walked in, saw me doing a back and forth motion under the covers, gave me a look of disgust, and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 939

You deserved it 5 871

By Rissa Warrington - 09/03/2012 08:30 - Canada

Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 836

You deserved it 4 708

Get where you can!

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 02:14 - United States - Richmond

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 432

You deserved it 9 797

By kaylajere - 26/05/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 170

You deserved it 36 796

By Sexy Rash - 21/02/2014 23:26 - Australia - Wallgrove

Today, the rash on my thigh started itching again. I felt good after a vigorous scratch, but the relief did not extend to my roommate, who only saw me at my laptop with my hand moving up and down in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 621

You deserved it 8 342

Bitten

By Anonymous - 02/09/2019 00:01 - Spain - Barcelona

Today, I had to explain to a lady that the reason I mindlessly touched my crotch was to itch a mosquito bite. She didn't believe me, and called me a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 527

By julian1 - 19/08/2015 11:34 - United States - Orlando

Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 065

You deserved it 10 558

By awkardtaco - 28/09/2018 13:30

Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 628

You deserved it 234

Quick thinking

By me. - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 046

You deserved it 35 394

By IsThisRealLife - 01/02/2016 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 912

You deserved it 5 805

BShady96 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 12:12

well it does count as selfpleasuring...

missfml1105 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 12:22

ok but if it was your outer thigh she should have realized that your handwasnt in your crotch...

Comments

Snafuusmc 12

Saturday 18 June 2011 13:52

that's hot!

CoolAidIsMyName 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 16:07

you're not.

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

Saturday 18 June 2011 13:59

what's the big deal? masturbation is natural and a part of life

metalhead5564 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 14:05

That'd be awkward for you...

lolabeth2 0

Sunday 19 June 2011 9:57

yeah obviously...

PopRocks14 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 14:14

lmfao right after i read the scratching part i scratched one of my mosquito bites xD

SugaryTears 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 14:23

you should never itch your mosquito bites!!!! it will only make or worse!!

fat_bastard_607 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 14:50

1. present bites. 2. present limp dick. 3. ??? 4. profit

Alicia17C 2

Sunday 19 June 2011 0:25

southpark? step 1: steal underwear step 2: ??? step 3: profit.

twirlingqueen4u 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 15:13

this one has been up before

mbrooks5110 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 15:16

So many FMLs wouldn't happen if people would learn to lock an FN door...

judices 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 15:20

maybe they dont have one dumb shit

CallMeHush 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 15:33

nor do I.

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The Top

Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year-old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 391

You deserved it 115 805

Today, I came across a street musician. He looked extremely well-fed already, but his music was pretty good, so I gave him some spare change. As soon as I turned away, he started screaming at me for being "cheap", and chased me half a block before running out of breath. FML

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The Top

Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I told him, he impatiently said, "Is it over yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 554

You deserved it 6 171

Today, as a teacher, I had a conference with the mother of a student who is struggling with behavior. Turns out the mom is the woman who does my Brazilian waxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 366

You deserved it 307

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I agree, your life sucks 4 704

You deserved it 783

Today, I realized that not only do I dream about sleeping or passing out, but that those are the best ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 99

Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 111

You deserved it 5 317

Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 838

You deserved it 5 181