Birthday, Weird and Love: Thanks, I guess… - FML

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 18:10 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 143

You deserved it 4 171

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Same thing different taste

By same - 21/11/2015 06:39 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 802

You deserved it 6 879

By Birthday blues - 13/12/2018 22:00

Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 038

You deserved it 602

By amber - 19/04/2012 18:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 737

You deserved it 4 783

By random123 - 29/11/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 164

You deserved it 7 761

It's all too much

By Anonymous - 23/06/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My gifts were a stomach bug from my kid and a confession to a year-long affair from my (now soon-to-be-ex) husband of 21 years. Nobody even got me a card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 100

Happy Nothing

By Cheapass - 07/11/2021 02:00

Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend didn’t get me a present, or do anything special for me, because, “The rent’s paid, you have a fridge full of groceries… What more do you want?” Later on, he asked me why did I, “look so sad?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 290

By Deaf Dumb & Blonde - 01/09/2016 21:17 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I told my boyfriend I wanted to feel special even if for just one day. He said he would do the laundry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 534

You deserved it 2 214

By salt. - 28/02/2012 22:04 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 182

You deserved it 2 634

By reallyman__639 - 13/12/2011 12:26 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 563

You deserved it 17 509

By Mazzam - 19/11/2008 11:33 - France

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 282

You deserved it 18 567

Next

Top comments

BreynHope 11

Sunday 22 September 2013 2:43

Nothing says happy birthday like a clean asshole. Take it all in stride.

BlesstheSilence 11

Sunday 22 September 2013 2:45

Swiggity swooty he's coming for that booty!

Comments

ThaPrelude 11

Monday 23 September 2013 5:15

he wants to explore the Brown cave instead of the love cave. not my cup of tea but hey to each is their own

DRush_fml 12

Monday 23 September 2013 5:37

A discussion about trying anal is in your future...

iiyahkinz 9

Monday 23 September 2013 8:01

It means En Your Ass... Op take it to the next level

RedPillSucks 31

Monday 23 September 2013 15:50

Give him a home lobotomy kit as a gift.

BFons 19

Monday 23 September 2013 17:43

Take the hint

WickedWolf 11

Tuesday 24 September 2013 1:02

It's because he wants to put it in your butt.

Adorlee 11

Tuesday 24 September 2013 10:41

Good luck OP!

onedaylikethis 5

Tuesday 24 September 2013 21:26

I think he was trying to hint at what he wants you to give, or let him give, for his birthday.

naiveprophet 15

Wednesday 25 September 2013 15:27

hahahahaha, "crappy" gift indeed, OP!

blackonblight 32

Wednesday 25 September 2013 20:41

Blast, app doesn't tell me what state OP is from. Because, if it were Florida, they had issues with used enema kits winding up back on CVS shelves a while back.

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The Top

Today, I was at a party, and heard a mutual acquaintance had been arrested. I asked what for, and was told "Cheese pizza." I yelled in confusion and outrage, since I thought they were joking. I was told later in private what "Cheese pizza" meant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 144

Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 745

You deserved it 2 816

The Top

Today, I found cigarette butts at the bottom of the toaster. My mother has been dropping them in there for I don't know how long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 947

You deserved it 3 376

Today, I took my girlfriend's 4-year-old son and four of his friends to the amusement park. While walking down a hill, I slipped on some water and slid down the hill, taking out multiple children. It wasn't rain. I'd slid on vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 280

You deserved it 3 260

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. My wife came in and thought I was jerking him off. She wouldn't believe my explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 725

You deserved it 1 135

Today, being my usual clumsy self, I slipped on the stairs and landed on my tailbone. Hard. Now, I can't even sit up. I have to drive to school and sit on a very hard plastic chair for four and a half hours tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 155

Today, we had an argument and my husband called my mother right in front me. Two minutes later, she was on his side and yelling at me on FaceTime that I’m a bad wife, a pain in the ass, and a nagging bitch. The argument was about him leaving tools around for me to step on and cut my foot open with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 119

Today, my dad accused me of being illiterate when I used a word he'd never heard of, saying it sounded like lazy slang, and that it wasn't a real word. He then yelled at me for being a "smartass who's always right" when I read aloud the definition from his 1978 copy of Webster's dictionary. Guess he's not enthused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 97