Health, Neighbours and Cute: That 20% - FML

That 20%

By MI3 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Oakland

Today, I had to explain to my neighbor that not all black people are lactose intolerant. His eyes still bulge out every time I eat cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 900

You deserved it 2 385

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

This is America

By liz - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 23-year old boyfriend is not talking to me because I bought the regular kind of macaroni and cheese instead of the cartoon kind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 774

You deserved it 18 526

Brain worms

By smooth - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 880

You deserved it 19 106

I'm confused

By confusedbagel - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 509

You deserved it 4 113

By ISwearImNotOCD - 05/04/2017 08:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I found out that the chefs at my work can't spell for shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 153

You deserved it 371

By thank u usa - 13/12/2013 22:20 - Germany

Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 084

You deserved it 3 569

Dick

By missPiggy - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Norway

Today, a colleague found out that I struggled with anorexia when young. After ranting about how it's a silly 'Women's disease', he renamed me 'Miss Piggy' and made oinking noises every time I ate something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 771

You deserved it 2 342

Misunderstanding

By vanessa_d15 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 119

You deserved it 6 752

Limited edition prank

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Hopkinsville

Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 693

You deserved it 4 319

Suave

By getmoneyab - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Mexico

Today, I went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. There was a hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 922

You deserved it 68 493

Thanks, I feel better!

By anon - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend had cheated on me. She told me that it was my fault for not straightening my hair, and for gaining a few pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 976

You deserved it 3 032

Next

Top comments

candiicane 12

Thursday 19 April 2012 16:19

Where does that even come from?

OffToTheGayBar 9

Thursday 19 April 2012 16:19

Ignorance, don't ya love it? I do.

Comments

THExistentialist 13

Thursday 19 April 2012 18:17

get a spitting alpaca, dye it to have the exact Pikachu coloring. get to know what he looks like before he spits so that when you introduce him to neighbor, you can say "PIKA PIKAAAA!" the instant beforehand. then watch, feel, as you gaze deep in his eyes and experience his mind blow.

drawmyhearton_fml 3

Thursday 19 April 2012 19:29

WTF Ôo where did he get that idea Anyway?

pexy_fml 16

Thursday 19 April 2012 19:33

there are still people like that !! REALLY ?!!

inferiarmy 0

Thursday 19 April 2012 19:44

Is this even a stereotype? What other ridiculous things does he believe? Mexican people come from Antarctica?

ElricMustang 23

Thursday 19 April 2012 19:54

Why the hell would he even think that in the first place? A certain race can't be intolerant -.- otherwise he'd be intoler- wait, he's IQ intolerant.

Kitouran 30

Tuesday 9 February 2016 14:45

Actually, 90% of African Americans are lactose intolerant.

immaMonsta 8

Thursday 19 April 2012 19:57

Where the **** did he get that idea?

jmills877 0

Thursday 19 April 2012 20:03

HAAAA!!

OfficeNinja 5

Thursday 19 April 2012 20:13

Really blow his mind by saying you don't like something that according to stereotypes black people are supposed to love. Messing with people can be fun :)

courtneyann211 10

Friday 20 April 2012 1:49

Like watermelon, fried chicken, collards and corn bread?! Wait...that even sounds like a typical southern meal!

courtneyann211 10

Friday 20 April 2012 2:14

Like watermelon, fried chicken, collard greens and corn bread?! Wait...sounds like a typical "southern" meal as well

Ima_NeRD6213 4

Thursday 19 April 2012 20:22

Would love to see this illustrated!

KiddNYC1O 20

Thursday 19 April 2012 20:40

What about a magic carpet?! =P

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Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Health Accident ADHD Medication Weather Snow Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 540

You deserved it 1 905

Today, my laptop was slow so I used my husband’s laptop. I went to the bedroom and found it opened, so I moved the trackpad and it powered on. The first thing I see is a page with redhead porn, and another tab with nude redheads. You know who else is a redhead? The new girl at his job he tells me not to worry about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 132

The Top

Today, my husband is so antisocial that when our cul-de-sac held a street party, he threw a half empty Pepsi out of our bedroom window to make us stop playing music. It hit our local vicar. When I demanded he apologise, he just shouted, "Cobblers to the lot of you", and shut the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 238

Today, I explained to my dad that I had spent over three hours baking, frosting, and decorating a cake from scratch and how proud I was of it. Without even looking up at me, he replied, "You really need a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 527

You deserved it 5 519

Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 507

You deserved it 6 168

Today, my mother mentioned she thought I was Unit 11, and not the correct Unit 1, in my building. I then remembered my last anonymous Valentine’s Day card was addressed to me, but at Unit 11. So my “Secret Admirer” of many years is actually my mother taking pity on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 115

Today, I learned that there is no way to talk your way out of getting caught drunkenly wiping your ass on your best friend’s sister’s pillow, even if you yell, “SURPRISE!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 1 871

Today, I donated blood. Afterwards, I regained consciousness on the floor with a half-eaten cookie in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 990

You deserved it 4 050