Intimacy: The all-seeing eye

The all-seeing eye

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 02:49 - United States

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Just as she took her shirt off, her phone rang. It was her mom, demanding she return home. Now I've been cockblocked, and my girlfriend's mom seems to be a goddamn clairvoyant. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 328

You deserved it 5 796

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Same thing different taste

Unwanted guest

By MMM - 21/01/2014 23:26 - United States - Saco

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 574

You deserved it 11 473

By anonymous - 21/02/2011 05:01

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 987

You deserved it 14 929

By BlackPolarbear - 23/01/2010 08:05 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 133

You deserved it 29 771

By lez probs - 18/05/2013 12:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 530

You deserved it 21 744

By policeopenup - 11/07/2009 19:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 393

You deserved it 8 739

Not now, mother!

By Anonymous - 19/06/2022 04:00 - United States - Sayville

Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 201

By MarMar - 15/03/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 592

You deserved it 17 308

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 791

By AnonymousLoser - 11/09/2013 09:30 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend invited me over for the first time. I pulled up to her house just to be denied at the front door by her mum. She'd invited me over to break up with me, but had her mum do it for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 041

You deserved it 3 738

By Gwayhir - 19/11/2008 04:58 - France

Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 068

You deserved it 4 922

khaya 9

Friday 28 October 2011 6:01

At least it wasn't during.

RecklessJellyBea 7

Friday 28 October 2011 6:03

Women's intuition. Now the ultimate cockblock.

Comments

JadedJarOfHearts 3

Friday 28 October 2011 7:01

Today, my mum cockblocked my boyfriend. FML

leadman1989 15

Friday 28 October 2011 7:02

I don't want to hear it quitter! If you were determined you both could have climaxed and had the best one minute sex ever!

dylangoudge 0

Friday 28 October 2011 7:19

Bro this has happened to me quite a few times lol

darkwing119 5

Friday 28 October 2011 7:21

Man can't wait till I have sex!

Savra_fml 17

Friday 28 October 2011 15:14

Great for you, but looks like you are in for a long ride bro!

Mongoose19 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 21:50

Hahahaha best laugh of the day

TW15 5

Friday 28 October 2011 7:27

Hey dude YOU'RE supposed to be the one taking HER shirt off....

lizard399 0

Friday 28 October 2011 8:13

You're 15, teaching classes now? Psshh.

bigbear11112 0

Friday 28 October 2011 11:07

So true. He must be her b$@&h

justanotherhuman 21

Saturday 29 October 2011 22:16

I e-smell gender-role preconceptions...

shad93 3

Monday 31 October 2011 6:38

I agree completely!!!

Cmdr_Shepard 17

Friday 28 October 2011 7:27

I know that feel bro. At least the mom didn't call DURING sex and left you blue-balled. You'll get another chance, don't worry about it.

Msadd 0

Friday 28 October 2011 7:34

.....wtf does clairvoyant mean??

SirEBC 7

Friday 28 October 2011 7:44

It means you don't know how to use Google.

bizarre_ftw 21

Friday 28 October 2011 7:48

Yes. It also means you aren't one

dead_rock 3

Friday 28 October 2011 7:38

actually #17 the legal age for sex is 16. maybe thats just where i am though (usa).

fmlallthetyme 23

Friday 28 October 2011 7:45

It varies throughout the U.S.

CrazyGirl445 4

Friday 28 October 2011 13:29

its varies from 15-17

jizzwold 21

Friday 28 October 2011 15:17

It was fourteen in Iowa till just a couple years ago :(

ellybelly_502 4

Friday 28 October 2011 8:09

Not supposed to use the lords name in vain. I get it tho that does suck for u man.. Maybe next time will be the right time! :D

leadman1989 15

Friday 28 October 2011 9:24

God wasn't captalized so he wasn't nessessarly talking about your precious gawd so calm the **** down! Goddamn it! :o

Llama_Face89 33

Friday 28 October 2011 8:21

Her mom sense was tingling.

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The Top

Today, my sister bought my five year-old son a giant ant farm for his birthday. We set it in the living room on a table. I went into the kitchen for a minute, and when I walked back in to the living room, my son was holding the empty case over his head, smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 175

You deserved it 7 970

Today, I dressed up nicely to see the guy that I like and have been talking to for the last 3 months. Just when I thought he was finally going to ask me to be his girlfriend, he told me that he's actually had a girlfriend for 3 years now, but was too afraid to tell me because he really likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 148

The Top

Today, I picked up my six-year-old son after the karate class I’d signed him up for the holidays. As he got out, I could see he was disappointed so I asked him what was wrong. “It’s lame, we’re not even going to learn how to make fireballs.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 76

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 803

You deserved it 126 085

Today, I saw some servicemen sitting outside a café, and I went over to thank them for their service. They waited till after I was done shaking their hands before they told me they were just actors on their lunch break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 713

You deserved it 7 287

Today, I got my nails done at a salon where everyone working there was Vietnamese. During my manicure, the manicurists talked about how ugly I was in their native tongue. They couldn't have known that I'd lived in Vietnam and I'm fluent in Vietnamese, but too chickenshit to speak up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 309

You deserved it 653

Today, my mum found out she's pregnant. I would be happy for her, if she knew who the father was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 266

You deserved it 2 095

Today, someone stole a package off my doorstep. Too bad, it was the video doorbell to prevent my packages from being stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 689

You deserved it 125