Intimacy: The pleasure, the pain

The pleasure, the pain

By BadBribe - 24/06/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 180

You deserved it 30 206

Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 156

You deserved it 5 562

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 282

You deserved it 29 240

Miscommunication

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 05:45 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 700

You deserved it 18 567

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 405

You deserved it 755

Hidden

By bootyislife - 16/06/2015 20:01 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 673

You deserved it 7 395

By Anonymous - 28/07/2015 00:08 - United States

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 223

You deserved it 2 955

By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 123

You deserved it 23 503

It's getting hot in here…

By Anonymous - 17/06/2022 16:00 - New Zealand

Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 347

By shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 862

You deserved it 19 641

Gotcha

By Embarassed - 23/11/2012 06:14 - United States - Kent

Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 881

You deserved it 15 994

genius_man16 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:01

She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?

pat2rome 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:08

Her fault for not swallowing. FYL

Comments

badgemaster 13

Sunday 4 January 2015 23:23

Exelent time to swallow!!!!

RebeccaRFT 18

Wednesday 28 January 2015 2:42

Break up with her. She's a bitch if she punches you in the balls for something that's her own fault.

forebiddenchild 2

Monday 23 March 2015 2:21

well if she didn't want it all over she should have swallowed lol

measishouldbe 17

Wednesday 1 April 2015 4:02

Why was she even wearing the dress while blowing you. That's stupid

BlackFire4890 16

Friday 3 April 2015 3:03

least you were empty

TacoloverSWE 23

Saturday 19 September 2015 23:28

Just blame it on toothpaste

TheBoss17 13

Wednesday 30 September 2015 17:25

Shoulda swallowed. Coulda swallowed.

CougeeSwagg 19

Wednesday 16 December 2015 4:44

That why girls should swallow, at least sometimes.

lithiumassassin 10

Wednesday 25 May 2016 20:54

She can't be mad about that. It was her idea and her job to swallow.

krompf 3

Sunday 17 July 2016 4:20

Solution to half the FMLs on this app: don't have sex unless you're married. YDI

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The Top

Today, my neighbour came over, claiming she was tired of receiving my psychic messages so yes, she would have a sexual relationship with me and my husband, as long as I stop sending messages because every message gives her a migraine. The cops and an ambulance were called real quick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 449

You deserved it 149

Today, a female coworker kissed me so I reported it to my boss, but he told me I should take the compliment, and asked me why the hell I was complaining about "getting some." I’m a guy, but I’m sure if I was a woman and I’d had a kiss forced on me, it would be a huge issue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 917

You deserved it 218

The Top

Today, I finished my shopping at Costco, and realized I had forgotten where I had parked. After scouring the parking lot for 20 minutes, I called the police and filed a report for a stolen vehicle. I then remembered I had bought a new car yesterday and parked it right next to the entrance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 024

You deserved it 37 914

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and left a note that said "Please stop singing in the shower. You're terrible, and everyone in the building can hear you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 679

You deserved it 15 316

Today, I spoke to my girlfriend about how we don't spend enough time talking to each other, but she went on to tell me that we'll talk about it tomorrow because she wanted to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 225

Today, an interviewer rang me back, but not to offer me the job. It was to warn me that if my psychotic mother rang him at his home address again trying to bribe and threaten him into giving me the job, then he would call the police and press charges for harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 76

Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 216

You deserved it 2 410

Today, I was snooping around in my parents' closet to see what I would get for Christmas, when I came across a UPS package. It was the video game I ordered off eBay 3 weeks ago, addressed to me. They told me it had never arrived and said I should ask Santa to bring it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 536

You deserved it 5 138