Health and Miscellaneous: Thrashed - FML

FML for mobile
Free

Open in app

Thrashed

By Ringo McDingo - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, I managed to knock down the curtains by my bed. That would explain the gash on my head and blood on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 545

You deserved it 2 263

April Pisces: Traps and Laughs
Laugh at the best (and worst) April 1st jokes. Watch out, you could be next! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Panic!

By Bleach dat Blood - 20/07/2015 03:02

Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 122

You deserved it 3 817

By IVOaf - 26/02/2014 20:55 - United States

Today, as I tried to get out of bed, I got my foot tangled in my sheets. I reached out to my dresser to avoid falling flat on my face. I didn't fall, but I did manage to smash my fingers in the drawer while still trapped in the sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 570

You deserved it 4 870

Night fight

By FistFighter - 09/04/2011 04:01 - United States

Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 944

You deserved it 12 981

Make it stop!

By DBR - 23/04/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 901

You deserved it 11 478

By Anonymous - 29/03/2011 23:58 - Canada

Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 952

You deserved it 3 989

By iltdtsm - 15/08/2009 16:58 - Canada

Today, while showering I slipped and fell, taking down the shower curtain and smashing my head against the floor, resulting in a concussion. My family came running because of the noise and I lay naked, bleeding and concussed for few minutes before they could stop laughing enough to get me help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 226

You deserved it 3 265

I don't know my strength

By Anonymous - 09/01/2022 06:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 314

By lalalalainie - 13/10/2012 06:45 - United States - Fullerton

Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 752

You deserved it 35 458

By idiot - 04/01/2013 10:13 - Sweden

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 192

You deserved it 12 962

Self report

By Bonk - 04/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, my clumsiness reached a whole level when I hit myself in the face with a hammer hard enough for blood to come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 193

Next

Top comments

GRRSOM 7

Monday 26 March 2012 11:57

Hope you don't take it offensive if people call you crack head for a while.

BunBunBabe 8

Monday 26 March 2012 11:56

What the hell how did that not wake you up? You must have actually knocked yourself out! Hope you get better sleep tomorrow than that

Comments

jellyD 1

Monday 26 March 2012 16:31

Say what you want dude, but the ache in your hole indicates a rape... Don't deny

KiddNYC1O 20

Monday 26 March 2012 20:33

I thought of sleep paralysis. Those are exciting!

FalconCrunch 4

Monday 26 March 2012 20:58

Or maybe you got drunk and ****** a virgin.

DuckOnQuack93 5

Monday 26 March 2012 21:15

Might be a poet and you don't even know it.

flashback.miss 28

Monday 26 March 2012 21:40

@@

hateevryone 14

Monday 26 March 2012 22:39

You sleep that wild?

Schmoozee98 0

Tuesday 27 March 2012 1:16

u rhymed unintentionally... epic skillz

louielove19 4

Tuesday 27 March 2012 1:31

Hey, it rhymes! :)

KatieKupcake4195 9

Tuesday 27 March 2012 4:27

Ouch! Been there with the gash thing. I fell down the wooden stairs at my house, busted the back of my head open, and had to go to the ER and have the gash stapled up. Hopefully your gash wasn't that bad. Anyway, time to rearrange your furniture, OP.

kenzie101 6

Tuesday 27 March 2012 4:29

That ryhmes. But I bet that hurt...actually how could u not feel it?

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Dogs Love Money Divorce AITA Housework Awkward Kids Health Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Alcohol Ironic Work Public freakouts Fight Parenting Weird Underwear Intimacy Sex Miscellaneous Cats Keys Landlords Break-ups Relatable Cooking Food Grandparents

The Top

Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 825

You deserved it 2 653

Today, I uploaded a new Facebook profile photo, which got over 20 likes in the space of an hour. The most I've ever gotten before was 10. Surprised, I went to check my picture again, only to notice two guys were sarcastically flipping me the bird in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 971

You deserved it 8 466

The Top

Today, I was getting a visit from a co-worker when my 6-year-old son came in to ask me where the ointment was. I said that it was in my room, so he went there and soon came back with a tube of KY jelly asking "is this it, mom?" I died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 149

You deserved it 1 052

Today, I received a call telling me I had not gotten a job I would have been a perfect fit for. The hiring manager told me they "went in the opposite direction" and chose to hire someone with less experience, so they didn't have to pay them as much. She made sure to tell me I was still the better candidate though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 341

You deserved it 78

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 521

You deserved it 2 740

Today, after struggling to get up on time all week at 5 a.m., it's finally my day off, and boom, I'm up exactly at 5 a.m., naturally. No alarm, no struggle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 128

Today, while waiting for an interview at the career that I've been spending months tailoring my résumé for, I was thrown up on by my only competitor. Guess who got the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 852

You deserved it 1 829

Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 721

You deserved it 4 479