Cats and Intimacy: Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little....

By pussystroker - 19/11/2009 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted, "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 329

You deserved it 4 001

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:31 - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 241

You deserved it 6 619

By and god shat - 11/07/2014 23:38 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 289

You deserved it 9 085

By Jake - 29/04/2009 08:06 - Australia

Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 108

You deserved it 6 227

Smack my bitch up

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 01:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 228

By Scared - 05/06/2012 00:54 - United States - Arlington

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 659

You deserved it 3 402

By ohman - 17/07/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 269

You deserved it 8 190

By o_O - 23/06/2013 17:26 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 293

You deserved it 4 149

Excitation morning

By Anonymous - 14/11/2019 05:00

Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 961

You deserved it 694

By Noname - 04/02/2009 11:23 - Canada

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 094

You deserved it 38 828

By prevostsrocklike - 11/05/2009 12:38 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the shit out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 998

You deserved it 10 554

Tarak_fml 7

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:16

Epicly awesome

Bloodknight 22

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:21

OMG! I DIED when I read this, bwahaha! Thank you for the laugh!

Comments

i_is_a_tr00l 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:14

ME TOO! I would love too, too. ;-0

hershey098 0

Wednesday 10 February 2010 8:19

omg I peeed my pants I was laughing so hard

snagglepaste 0

Saturday 10 July 2010 7:15

Isn't that a compliment?

abcnonamecba 0

Thursday 12 August 2010 5:44

it would b if he wasn't an old mam

Tarak_fml 7

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:16

Epicly awesome

UnearthlyEnemy 9

Saturday 27 March 2010 9:21

So is the OP's name.

DJMAC7 0

Wednesday 31 March 2010 6:01

haha if i were there id give that old man a hi five

killerpenguin4 9

Saturday 10 July 2010 3:50

epic win for the old man

dalink 24

Friday 18 January 2013 7:48

I hope I'm that quick-witted and perverted when I'm an old man.... Kinda like Lewis black.

123e3 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:17

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA

Bloodknight 22

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:21

OMG! I DIED when I read this, bwahaha! Thank you for the laugh!

RiskiBusiness 1

Thursday 27 January 2011 4:37

lol same here!!

RiskiBusiness 1

Friday 28 January 2011 11:14

lol same here!!

ghandilover25 3

Wednesday 16 May 2012 3:25

Know what I love... When people comment the same thing twice.

m3aghan 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:27

LOL!

FluxPavilion 6

Sunday 28 April 2013 19:23

That comment was so deep. Please tell your story again.

picturetaker 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:29

lolz, that would be awesome. I don't see how this is an FML.

metallica24x7 0

Wednesday 14 July 2010 4:55

ur hot

Kingcc 0

Tuesday 10 May 2011 3:13

^veryy

FluxPavilion 6

Sunday 28 April 2013 19:24

Would you like to be ****** by an old man?:b

Erindub 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:29

Coolest old man EVER!

raineydayes 0

Sunday 28 March 2010 18:56

^^Agreed!!! One of the funniest old men too!

crazyarsedfly 14

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:33

Hahaha, awesome! Older people always come out with hilarious comments.

klimpomppp 9

Saturday 16 February 2013 21:10

You get a thumb up for cute/****** awesome profile pic

ohmygoodnex 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:41

Sorry, that was you? Oops.

tabasorus 0

Tuesday 7 December 2010 2:50

OMG NOODLE!!!!!!

lilkim222 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:43

lol that's soo creepy but funny at the same time. but it's not really a fml it's just a old man joking around

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Animals Dogs Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

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I agree, your life sucks 30 669

You deserved it 4 364

Today, it was dad’s funeral and I intended to speak but I was crying so much I couldn’t finish and mom had to help me back to my seat. Unfortunately, most of our family are arseholes and I could hear someone saying, “Disgraceful, shaming his dad like that.” It was the worst day of my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 81

The Top

Today, the play I was directing opened. The curtain opened, and my lead actor and actress weren't prepared. I could tell from the looks on their faces as the whole audience saw him balls deep in her, doggy style, on stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 337

You deserved it 3 533

Today, I realized why my stomach is upset: in a house with my two adult parents and one 17 year-old sister, we have somehow gone an entire week without fresh vegetables or fruit. I didn't notice because I was trying to figure out how to handle them forgetting my 30th birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 881

Today, the unhealthiest person I know, weighing in at around 350 pounds told me she was now a vegan. I then told her the Cheese-Itz, as well as the leather boots she was wearing wasn't vegan. She said I was wrong. I'm a nutritionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 918

You deserved it 705

Today, I got home from work, took a shower, got ready for bed, and laid down right in cat piss. Now I'm shampooing the mattress and taking another shower just to sleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 892

You deserved it 419

Today, I caught my dad stealing my money again, after I'd warned him he was on his last chance. I threw him out, since he’s been sleeping rough on my sofa. He reported me to the authorities for "elder abuse" and showed them fresh bruises I know the conniving old bastard gave himself. I was handcuffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 94

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 791

You deserved it 1 974

Same thing different taste

Smack my bitch up

Excitation morning

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