Love: Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped...

By tickyette - 14/09/2010 07:27 - United States

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 238

You deserved it 10 353

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Same thing different taste

By TheMichaelNixon - 14/11/2009 21:37 - United States

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 800

You deserved it 75 521

By Don’t Think About It. - 26/08/2019 16:00

Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 223

By Anonymous - 19/03/2012 00:49 - United States - Dansville

Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 974

You deserved it 4 106

By BigBangrocksthenight - 03/04/2010 00:31 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. Things got kind of heated, so he decided to take off my bra. They cooled back down when a bug flew out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 597

You deserved it 10 473

By aurora320 - 19/07/2016 19:50 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 840

You deserved it 1 392

Where d'you come from?

By Anonymous - 29/08/2021 23:01 - United States - Austin

Today, as someone with a large chest, I'm used to sometimes finding food in my clothes at the end of the day. However, when I took off my bra off, I found half of a dead grasshopper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 139

Panic on the streets of…

By Anstice - 05/10/2009 03:07 - United States

Today, I was at a stop light and a bee landed on my leg. I screamed and started swatting it. It flew into my jacket and I started to strip my jacket off, taking my foot off the brake. I hit the car in front of me and deployed the air bag, breaking my nose. Then the bee stung me in the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 657

You deserved it 15 554

By dating a big bag of dicks - 13/05/2014 21:02 - United States

Today, while driving out to the countryside with my new boyfriend, we came across a deer lying in the road. It seemed badly hurt, but instead of letting me get out and make sure, my boyfriend decided to just run over its head to finish it off, then continued driving with a smirk on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 493

You deserved it 9 210

By kylie - 15/11/2010 21:17 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were in my backyard goofing around when he tried to pick me up. He couldn't. I jokingly tried to lift him. I did so without much effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 486

You deserved it 7 210

By foxbrat - 11/10/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 236

You deserved it 3 297

UrNotFunny 0

Tuesday 14 September 2010 11:51

horny grasshoppers.

mshoes12346 3

Tuesday 14 September 2010 11:55

silly grasshopper, boobs are for dudes!

Comments

firechildredhead 0

Tuesday 14 September 2010 12:18

That's one lucky grasshopper. Since there is no mention of an accident I bet he's one of the luckiest there is :) he's a keeper!

sevans 0

Tuesday 14 September 2010 12:19

AND HE WONDERS WHY THE GRASSHOPPER BEAT HIM!!!

Jimboom 11

Tuesday 14 September 2010 12:26

Lol. I can just see the cricket moterboating them puppies.. :-P

XFlyingxPiranhaX 0

Tuesday 14 September 2010 12:40

I thought I would be posting a smartass comment, but.. you win. :D

ambowew 7

Tuesday 14 September 2010 12:31

Haha nice call, kudos to the boyfriend. annowew, you babe. lmao bobo.

rzbt21 0

Tuesday 14 September 2010 12:37

WTF are you thinking? if your man wants second base, give him second base!

UnluckyChicka 0

Tuesday 14 September 2010 12:39

lol 12- I know rite! ecspecially when u wear low cut shirts!

angela3222 0

Tuesday 14 September 2010 12:45

I am a girl and if I was that guys GF I would be laughing. cause that joke is awesome

starile 19

Tuesday 14 September 2010 12:45

Maybe that's why the grasshopper jumped straight for the goods-- he was really after the cookie crumbs!

bigredmonkeybutt 28

Tuesday 14 September 2010 12:48

You really need help getting a grasshopper out of your shirt? I suppose he could've wrecked the car helping you huh? That'd be better than expecting you to deal with a grasshopper on your own. Idiot.

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

Tuesday 14 September 2010 21:01

How do you know he was the one driving? Chances are, she was, since she specified it as her car. It'd be safer to have the passenger help than have the driver freak out.

Senseless_487 29

Tuesday 14 September 2010 12:52

Psh, he shouldn't have bitched, then. If he wanted to get to second base, all he had to do was reach in and try to get the grasshopper out. And take a long time doing it! "I found it! No, wait, that's a nipple." :D