Love: Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I...

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By Anonymous - 12/05/2014 00:14 - New Zealand - Napier

Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 827

You deserved it 7 829

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By ohtheirony - 22/09/2014 01:27

Today, the man who hit on me in a store and asked for my number showed up on my doorstep to inquire about my couch for sale. With his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 759

You deserved it 2 791

By Anonymous - 06/07/2013 11:26 - United States

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 747

You deserved it 6 807

By sorejecteditmakesmewannacry - 29/08/2013 10:44 - France - Poissy

Today, I asked a cute guy for his number but instead he gave it to my gay friend. When my friend later called him, it turned out that he'd given him his number just to get rid of me and wasn't expecting him to call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 172

You deserved it 3 818

By ugh - 14/06/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 703

You deserved it 3 929

By sad - 24/04/2009 08:18 - United States

Today, I met a really cute guy at work. He asked for my number, and I wrote it down on a piece of paper. After looking at the paper, he crumpled it up, yelled "Do you think I'm stupid? I know the rejection hotline when I see it", and walked away. It was my real phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 278

You deserved it 3 965

That Netflix show

By Imnotfromhere - 30/05/2021 08:01

Today, I was getting catcalled downtown by a guy I've never seen before. Then he told me he knows where I live, and accurately described my apartment while he followed me for 2 blocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 393

You deserved it 96

Pick it up

By Cassie - 02/05/2011 00:21

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 392

You deserved it 51 000

By scribbler8 - 14/10/2011 09:35 - Canada

Today, at work, a customer asked for my number. When I declined, he made a huge scene, shouting and scaring other customers. He tipped me seven cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 455

You deserved it 2 600

Hello, I love you

By Anonymous - 13/04/2020 05:00

Today, I had a very good-looking guy ask for my number while I was at work, but due to our policies I had to turn him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 695

You deserved it 359

Dude, WTF?

By truckstopworker - 27/04/2017 02:00

Today, while working at my truck stop, I helped a trucker check his tires. He seemed like a pretty nice guy, and we chatted for a bit. After he took off and I walked back inside, I went to clean the shower he was in before. Turns out he took a shit on the floor. His wife had been in there with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 947

You deserved it 359

Pleonasm 35

Monday 12 May 2014 11:14

He wasn't able to go out with you but he was still able to dump you.

SharnaaaBanana 22

Monday 12 May 2014 11:13

That's disgusting. Who does that.

Comments

nowNlaterKid 6

Friday 27 June 2014 18:10

That's the funniest thing I've read all day. Thank you for that one

NamelessFace 22

Saturday 5 July 2014 20:35

WTF did I just read

haphazardly 15

Wednesday 16 December 2015 23:23

No wonder the bastard's single

Addiction333 14

Friday 12 February 2016 23:26

This man sounds bad ass.

amazed_71 14

Sunday 5 March 2017 23:46

Quite frankly, you're lucky that's all he did. Imagine if a rapist and/or murderer followed you home. Please be more attentive.

shannon2348 14

Sunday 26 January 2020 23:42

Good god. Where the hell do you live?

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The Top

Today, yet again I had to lie to a date about what I do for a living, because every time I tell someone the truth, that I work in private equity, they have some choice words about "people like me ruining things" and "ruining the housing prices." I feel like an evil James Bond or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 609

Today, I realised that Gmail has been sending lots of important messages directly into the spam folder, where I never saw them. All were from people who I had either contacted myself, or had regular contact with in the past. One address even had a filter on it, specifying, "Never send it to spam." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 300

The Top

Today, someone asked my fiancée and I how we met. She said, "Well, it was just supposed to be a one night stand!" and laughed, right as I was about to take her hand and say, "It was love at first sight!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 605

You deserved it 5 826

Today, and since Valentine's Day when we got married at the courthouse, which was supposed to be a secret but my husband and I ended up on the news, we've been getting several calls from family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 186

Today, I returned from a trip to Budapest with more condoms than I had brought with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 474

You deserved it 969

Today, I threw up while on a road trip. My boyfriend asked what made me sick, but I didn't want to tell him that his belching the entire time smelled so goddamn bad it made me physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 768

Today, my dog won’t eat the premium $30 per kilo food I buy him, but he will eat other dog’s shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 220

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 173

You deserved it 79 285