Miscellaneous: Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and... - FML

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By Anonymous - 12/01/2014 06:38 - Australia - Boondall

Spicy

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 126

You deserved it 6 221

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Same thing different taste

He's still got it

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 153

By fuck you, dad - 27/09/2012 18:36 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I was eating out at a restaurant with my family. My dad had drained most of our bottle of wine, so thinking he'd be a little less uptight than usual, I reached over to pour myself some. He swatted my hand away and started yelling at me for being a "degenerate drunk". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 709

You deserved it 6 317

By nick - 06/03/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 457

You deserved it 3 818

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 23/08/2019 14:00

Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 141

This is fine

By Anonymous - 07/08/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 101

By Anonymous - 21/03/2014 22:35 - Australia

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 905

You deserved it 6 755

By Anonymous - 23/04/2012 05:50 - United States - Harrison

Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 166

You deserved it 2 106

By idontevencareanymore - 23/05/2014 21:25 - United States - Jarrell

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 220

You deserved it 4 710

Happy birthday to you

By Anonymous - 22/04/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, it's my 15th birthday. My dad stumbled into my bedroom at six in the morning, completely drunk, and slurred the "Happy Birthday" song. Then he told me to go fuck myself, and said that he wished I was never born. Me too, dad. Me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 63

Roll with it

By jonasister - 15/04/2012 18:43 - Sweden - Lund

Spicy

Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 442

You deserved it 3 350

Next

Top comments

Dre27 20

Sunday 12 January 2014 12:21

What's that old saying, honestly is the best policy

annie_nk 22

Sunday 12 January 2014 12:23

Yeah because you totally did that on purpose. Shame on you for being born.

Comments

mrhe3t 9

Monday 13 January 2014 22:23

Ha Ha!! Meg...

TheyCallMeDamien 17

Tuesday 14 January 2014 1:19

You should've told him don't be angry at the bullet when you fired the shot.

Jebitesevsi 11

Tuesday 14 January 2014 21:58

It's his own fault for not wrapping it.

lisajoey 2

Saturday 18 January 2014 18:48

That's hilarious!

APoorAsianBoy 5

Tuesday 21 January 2014 5:20

It was that bad?

meaui 5

Wednesday 22 January 2014 22:26

Haha 6 beers? Pretty crazy man.

Waspinator1998 21

Thursday 27 March 2014 8:10

...so I dub thee unforgiven, oh whoa...

Unlucky1232 20

Friday 15 April 2016 4:02

remind him your existence is his fault so it's actually what HE did

blacklightening 11

Monday 25 July 2016 7:16

I wish my parent's did this to me. it would be some funny not to mention all the comebacks I could make. but don't take it to seriously, he is drunk after all

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The Top

Today, my long distance boyfriend sent me a Snap of him fucking another girl. When he realized he'd sent it to me, he called me, trying to explain, "it's not what it looks like. It was meant for the boys." Two days ago, I made plans to visit him. Guess who's out money and single. FML

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Today, I went to see a movie with the girl I've liked for months. After the commercials, she told me she had to go to the ladies room. She never came back. FML

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The Top

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Today, my fiancé completely missed the birth of our first child because he had started watching a new series on Netflix and really wanted to know how it ended. By the time he made it to the hospital our daughter was already 7 hours old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 274

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I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 257

Today, after several months of starting an antidepressant at the same time as my husband, I have horrible side effects, including weight gain, drowsiness, and acne. His only side effect? He can now only achieve an orgasm through oral stimulation. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 473

You deserved it 196

Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 156

You deserved it 3 849

Today, while working the graveyard shift at my hotel, it felt a little chilly, so I grabbed a blanket out of the box we usually store old blankets in. Twenty minutes later, the live-in maintenance man casually remarked that those blankets are all infected with bed-bugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 084

You deserved it 7 277