Miscellaneous: Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and... - FML

By Anonymous - 12/01/2014 06:38 - Australia - Boondall

Spicy

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 120

You deserved it 6 216

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Same thing different taste

He's still got it

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 151

By fuck you, dad - 27/09/2012 18:36 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I was eating out at a restaurant with my family. My dad had drained most of our bottle of wine, so thinking he'd be a little less uptight than usual, I reached over to pour myself some. He swatted my hand away and started yelling at me for being a "degenerate drunk". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 701

You deserved it 6 313

By nick - 06/03/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 444

You deserved it 3 816

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 23/08/2019 14:00

Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 741

You deserved it 138

This is fine

By Anonymous - 07/08/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 86

By Anonymous - 21/03/2014 22:35 - Australia

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 895

You deserved it 6 751

By Anonymous - 23/04/2012 05:50 - United States - Harrison

Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 154

You deserved it 2 101

By idontevencareanymore - 23/05/2014 21:25 - United States - Jarrell

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 206

You deserved it 4 704

Roll with it

By jonasister - 15/04/2012 18:43 - Sweden - Lund

Spicy

Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 421

You deserved it 3 348

By Anonymous - 15/05/2015 23:55 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 747

You deserved it 2 380

Next

Top comments

Dre27 20

Sunday 12 January 2014 12:21

What's that old saying, honestly is the best policy

annie_nk 22

Sunday 12 January 2014 12:23

Yeah because you totally did that on purpose. Shame on you for being born.

Comments

AustinDenton 22

Sunday 12 January 2014 14:12

That is awesome! That is probably the best FML I have ever read.

rockhead1270 5

Sunday 12 January 2014 14:16

That's funny shit right there. #Burn

ThatFancyPenn 18

Sunday 12 January 2014 20:05

#whyareyouhashtaggingonfml

MidnaLink 33

Sunday 12 January 2014 20:41

Better yet, why hashtag period?

chosha_fml 26

Sunday 12 January 2014 14:20

He put you there.

ahsanmasood 4

Sunday 12 January 2014 14:23

oh honey, he was drunk, cut the poor guy some slack!

dawood_k 27

Sunday 12 January 2014 14:25

Are you the kid that has such a big head, that your passport can't close. Damn you wrecked momma!

PattonGilette2 18

Sunday 12 January 2014 15:08

aa

Dark_Stream 29

Sunday 12 January 2014 15:13

I know exactly what the dad means, although I would never suggest it was my step-son's fault. He will have marks on his forehead from the forceps all his life. If anyone is to blame, it is the doctor who waited too long to do a caesarian section and did the tear repair job.

perdix 29

Sunday 12 January 2014 15:45

Tell him if he wants a nice tight hole, he can always try anal. Of course, your mum won't appreciate how you've contributed to ruining both her holes down under.

emily_in_reverse 6

Sunday 12 January 2014 16:21

and who's fault is it that he was born? cx

Ksweety_fml 27

Sunday 12 January 2014 17:52

You must have a big head.

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Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 208

You deserved it 5 147

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 748

You deserved it 2 452

The Top

Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 425

You deserved it 6 289

Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 662

You deserved it 9 481

Today, it's been 10 days since my family and I have been visiting France. I've always wanted to try their culinary specialties but my dad says we "can't trust them". We've eaten at McDonald's 9/10 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 352

You deserved it 4 018

Today, since my most recent breakup, I haven’t had sex in almost a year but I’m too afraid to just jump on Tinder for a hookup, because I had to move back into my parents' spare room, and I can’t be bringing a woman back for sex on a fold-out futon with mom and dad in the next bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 402

Today, my mom started fundraising and selling things on ebay. At first I was happy because I thought she was finally going to help me pay my college tuition. Turns out she's planning on raising money to get our dog a new friend because she's "lonely". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 548

You deserved it 5 283

Today, as I walked out the door to head to class, my neighbour's kid threw a balloon at me, filled with some kind of foul-smelling liquid that he calls "liquid ass". I had a presentation 20 minutes later and couldn't get the smell off myself in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 547

You deserved it 3 080