Intimacy: Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful...

By Hallllo - 11/05/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 303

You deserved it 9 101

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/12/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 876

You deserved it 11 718

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 094

You deserved it 7 095

By heartbroke - 03/11/2012 10:02 - United States - Erie

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 581

You deserved it 3 485

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 790

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 309

Ostentatious

By dgordo3 - 09/02/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 433

You deserved it 46 505

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 823

You deserved it 26 498

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 621

You deserved it 2 890

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 879

You deserved it 19 343

Luckster 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:12

Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.

Millybug 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:14

And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.

Comments

sunshinedudette 0

Monday 11 May 2009 18:12

hahaha. i'm sorry but this was hilarious. i just think that fans should realize they will never find a real life Edward. If they are waiting for that, i'm sorry but they will just never find it.

Tickle_Me_Emma 0

Monday 11 May 2009 18:13

HAHA. Twilight Is a pretty good Novel. I mean if it wasnt it wouldnt be so popular and they wouldnt make it into a movie. But Come on yall. Its Fantasy. Thats IT. Its not real. Period. Edward is not going to show up on your doorstep and you are not going to get chased by a vampire that "loves the Hunt" some people are just Dillusional

PhysOptGuy 0

Monday 11 May 2009 18:14

I sympathize with the OP. My ******* girlfriend gets angry when I tell her vampires aren't real.

noclevername 0

Monday 11 May 2009 18:19

#26: I haven't read Twilight, and have no desire to. But doesn't it seem a tiny bit hypocritical to talk about how stupid and pathetic one fantasy world is and promote Harry Potter instead? It targets nine-year-olds, love. Post above this: Jaysus. Insist that she check under your bed for dragons or something.

mouseintern 0

Monday 11 May 2009 18:24

Another Twitard who will spend the rest of her life looking for "Edward" and will wind up lonely, sad, and alone, except for maybe a couple cats. Or bats. Sucks for the moment, but better off without such a person in the long run.

Luca90 0

Monday 11 May 2009 18:25

ydi for not being a vampire.

mylifeisfuckedd 0

Monday 11 May 2009 18:26

Ok he's not metro that's the point duh, he's just perfect and gorgeous. And a LOT of people like twilight, just because you don't doesn't mean you have to trash talk it. And to everyone saying "he's a stalker who wants that" its because he protects her DUH! So don't say he stalks her when you don't know wtf you're talking about!

SnipErlite 0

Monday 24 August 2009 0:49

Gahhhh ANOTHER case of Twilight ruining people's minds and/or lives - HE'S NOT REAL PEOPLE GET OVER IT Not only were the books HARDLY the epitome of literary skill, the fascination and, need I say, obsession tons of girls are having over him is ******* ridiculous - I wish you were a vampire? I would slap that girl so hard -.-"

RJF 0

Monday 11 May 2009 18:36

# 26. You deserve to have your face rubbed against concrete for claiming that Harry Potter is any better than Twilight. If there was NOT all this hype about the book series I bet half of you who are ripping it would have loved it. Any one who is a crazy fan of anything is annoying, not just the Twilight girls. You sound ignorant.

cardboardtastes 0

Monday 11 May 2009 18:40

hurm... well anyone who hates twilight - its kind of sad to hate an inanimate object... And really, people are looking for the gentleman that Edward is, not a watch you sleep vegetarian vampire. They just don't know it yet. and FYL btw :)

liquidpaper 0

Monday 11 May 2009 18:43

Bella decided to forgo college to marry a stalker vampire straight out of high school, risking her life to bear his children. That's not love, that's stupidity. She has no self-respect. Is that the kind of role model we want for young girls today?