Intimacy: Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful...

By Hallllo - 11/05/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 303

You deserved it 9 101

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/12/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 876

You deserved it 11 718

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 094

You deserved it 7 095

By heartbroke - 03/11/2012 10:02 - United States - Erie

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 581

You deserved it 3 485

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 790

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 309

Ostentatious

By dgordo3 - 09/02/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 433

You deserved it 46 505

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 823

You deserved it 26 498

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 621

You deserved it 2 890

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 879

You deserved it 19 343

Luckster 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:12

Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.

Millybug 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:14

And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.

Comments

Etoile_fml 0

Monday 11 May 2009 18:48

OP, I think you should be glad, because that girl is probably living in a fantasy world. Second, to those who say the OP deserved that... Please, grow up. Vampires aren't perfect creatures who sparkle and fall in love with uninteresting girls. No. Really. They're supposed to be monsters who suck you dry and move on with their immortal lives. Or atleast, that's what they've become over time. You know, maybe, just maybe, you can invent your own original vampire and complain less about Edward. So, in conclusion, if I were the OP, I would've taken a chunk out of her neck. Maybe then she'll get the hint: Be careful what you wish for. Other than that, I lolled.

Kuroftw 0

Monday 11 May 2009 18:49

And this is why Twilight needs to be banned. Also, I agree with #182.

hsdtt03 0

Monday 11 May 2009 18:52

I read the book and watched the movie. I really liked both, but I've read better books. and I don't get people's obsession over this shit n how their life revolves around it. she's weird.

thelonelylurker 0

Monday 11 May 2009 18:52

So what was she? Insane goth or twilight tween?

dearjennyanyway 0

Monday 11 May 2009 18:54

@ 50. Way to be sexist. I am a female, and I do not obsess over ridiculous love stories or pop icons, such as you mentioned. "This really ticks me off..." Well it pisses me off that you are so caught up in pop culture that you think that only females get carried away with this kind of obsessive behavior. I made the mistake of going into a bookstore the night "Breaking Dawn" was released, and I would like to point out that inside of said store, there were as many males as there were females. So shut the **** up.

patray_angel 0

Monday 11 May 2009 18:55

Not that it is a good thing to be that obsessed, but my god, you all act like this movie and its fictional characters are the the first thing that people have been obsessed with. I am sure most major movies/tv shows have fans that are obsessed. Can we say Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, etc.........which I might add I do like, but we all KNOW that each one of those have some obsessed fans! Others prefer to be obsessed with real people, like celebrities. I am sure their are countless girls and probably some gay boys with Justin Timberlake, Jonas Brothers, Orlando Bloom, etc posters covering their walls. Just like I am sure there are boys and some lesbians with Angelina Joli, Britney Spears, etc posters covering their walls. I am not sure how old the girl is that the OP encountered, but hopefully she is young and will soon outgrow her obsession.