Intimacy: Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful...

By Hallllo - 11/05/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 303

You deserved it 9 101

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/12/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 876

You deserved it 11 718

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 094

You deserved it 7 095

By heartbroke - 03/11/2012 10:02 - United States - Erie

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 581

You deserved it 3 485

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 790

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 309

Ostentatious

By dgordo3 - 09/02/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 433

You deserved it 46 505

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 823

You deserved it 26 498

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 621

You deserved it 2 890

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 879

You deserved it 19 343

Luckster 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:12

Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.

Millybug 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:14

And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.

Comments

an_account 0

Monday 11 May 2009 20:20

I don't think Meyer is a good writer: this has nothing to do with her ideological stances. I just feel that the prose is very mundane, the metaphors expected, the similes boring and the lyricism uninspired (or unworthy of the term 'lyrical'). And I am not talking about a book I haven't read. Anyway, my question as a woman is more why men want girls who (quite independently of their liking for Twilight) obviously don't have a single brain cell in their heads. FML that the girl is like that, but as an embittered girl, YDI for going for all the dumb ones

punkgal420 0

Monday 11 May 2009 20:21

o man that sucks edward collins was so ****** gay and ugly in that dumb pieces of shit moive. i havnt even seen it i have a life and more intresting things to do you have told her o well i wish you were a stripper

guitardedman 0

Monday 11 May 2009 20:23

i ******* hate being around girls that start talking about this fairy tale ******* vampire bullshit. "i deserve a guy like eeeeedddwarrrrrd" i dont understand how this twilight phenomena has gotten so many girls to believe that somewhere there is a magical passionate pale duechebag looking for their fat ass specifically. any girl who ever pulls this shit and leaves their man for a ******* story should play in traffic. thats like men dumping their girlfriend because they aren't jenna jameson or megan fox.

bored123 0

Monday 11 May 2009 20:31

LOL thats hilarious srrry' u better find another girl and 4 those idiots who r calling twilights fans idiots WATCH IT I HAPPEN TO BE A TWILIGHT FANS SO SHUT THE HELL UP anc am not that crazy so dnt blame it on twilight blame it on the girl twilight hs nuthin 2 do with it

kbond7 0

Monday 11 May 2009 20:35

haha yeah it most likely is from that freaky sparkling vampire novel "Twilight"... sorry man. On a lighter note, maybe she meant that she wanted you to be like an Anne Rice, Darren Shan, Lynsay Sands, Kim Harrison, or Sherrilyn Kenyon type vampire; they're way cooler...

omgitsseejay 0

Monday 11 May 2009 20:41

it's so funny how a fictional vampire is getting more ass in the united states than any guy in the world

leushqua 2

Monday 11 May 2009 20:44

hahaha twilight freaks

liuken 3

Monday 11 May 2009 20:44

Cockblocked by Edward Cullen and his merry gang. Sucks dude.

blowyourspeakers 0

Monday 11 May 2009 20:44

lmao. haha. that was very Twilight of her.

csrsc11 0

Monday 11 May 2009 21:02

i don't understand why people are so obsessed with twilight....i've been trying to read the book for months and i can't get through it because its so shitty. on the bright side, you at least found out early that she was a freak and can move onto someone better.