Intimacy: Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful...

By Hallllo - 11/05/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 303

You deserved it 9 101

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/12/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 876

You deserved it 11 718

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 094

You deserved it 7 095

By heartbroke - 03/11/2012 10:02 - United States - Erie

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 581

You deserved it 3 485

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 790

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 309

Ostentatious

By dgordo3 - 09/02/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 433

You deserved it 46 509

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 823

You deserved it 26 498

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 621

You deserved it 2 890

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 879

You deserved it 19 343

Luckster 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:12

Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.

Millybug 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:14

And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.

Comments

Rht2925 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:26

number 183 all I was saying was that you don't see guys going around saying oh I wish Edward cullen was my boyfriend

rihannalover 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:26

maybe her feet were tired and she was hoping you could make like cullen and jump through trees with her.

lolwhat_fml 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:27

OMGZZZ, I LUV EDWARD CULLLEN HE EIZ SO DAZZZLING ND SPARKLINNNG, I WISH EVERY GUY WERE LIKE DAT!!! not. =.=

amiiix3 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:30

#19, haha. It's fans like you who get so worked up over everything that create such stereotypes. "Twilight was a good book (don't hate on a book who sold that many copies). So #1,2,6 and 7, maybe if you read more you can talk about more than the ONE book you read just so you can make fun of it. Your pathetic." I've read all four. I even went to the midnight release of the 4th one to debate with a couple fans and by the end of the night had them convinced that it wasn't a book to take so seriously. : ) Furthermore, the number of copies a book sells has no bearing on the quality of the work. It only goes to show how capitalism can work in mysterious ways. For example, the Pet Rock, a trend of the 70's.

xxnickiixx 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:30

haha.u should've been a vampire. i wish that to0 though. **** YOU TWILIGHT HATERS!!!!!! PIECES OF SHIT!!!!!!!!**** YOU ALL TO HELL AND BURN!!!!!!!!

aquariusbeauty 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:30

# 2 - AGREED.

kawaiimomo 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:32

**** Edward Cullen I'd rather have Rhett Buttler any day. o and sorry man that sucks but you're better off without her.

drippin_pitch 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:33

dude. this girl sounds like a ******* idiot. i was one of those people who read twilight before it was popular and i think they were okay, but they aren't a guide to life, for ***** sake. people take them way too seriously. she should go read interviews with a vampire. its way better.

heatherfeather 4

Monday 11 May 2009 22:40

that is exactly why i refuse to read twilight. twilighters need to stop whining and realize that edward is FICTIONAL and REAL men are not going to be like him. get off your damn pedistal, twilight fan girls! that sucks for you, though. sorry bout that.

stuipdthing 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:40

It was Twilight wasn't it. Dude any girl that loves Twilight is an idiot (I say this as a straight girl who's read all four of the books). Worst writing ever and abusive boyfriends and boring main charecters. Never go out with a Twilight fan they are insane. Your better of without her