Intimacy: Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful...

By Hallllo - 11/05/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 303

You deserved it 9 101

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/12/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 876

You deserved it 11 718

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 094

You deserved it 7 095

By heartbroke - 03/11/2012 10:02 - United States - Erie

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 581

You deserved it 3 485

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 790

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 309

Ostentatious

By dgordo3 - 09/02/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 433

You deserved it 46 509

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 823

You deserved it 26 498

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 621

You deserved it 2 890

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 879

You deserved it 19 343

Luckster 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:12

Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.

Millybug 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:14

And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.

Comments

shameonmedude 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:07

**** BLOCKED BY A VAMPIRE!!!! Who doesn't even exist! Haha. Bitch is crazy! Enough said.

bahahaha 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:09

******* TWILIGHT LOSER!

krisFrAnHeehar 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:10

Hi #19 here, and first im not trying to stereotype people who dont like twilight. Second how can Edward ruin the name vampire, vampires suck blood and kill people THEYRE ALL ABUSIVE. Next Im not Twihard. Harry Potter was way better, and i like other vampire books, like i love Amelia Altwater Rhodes. So to everyone who commented hating me SHUT.THE.****.UP!!!!!

grazynaanka 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:13

I love Twilight as much as the next person. I thought it was a good book. Well good enough to fill my time while waiting to read actual good works of literature. But, it's taking over people's hold on reality. All of this Twilight, Edward, Vampire fantasies and stuff are not healthy. They are fake. Make believe. And no matter how hard you wish for it, it's never going to happen. Fantasize about real people. But, I was also thinking about something. There are such things as vampires. Not the Hollywood or Twilight types of vampires. But actual people who drink blood, sleep in coffins, etc.... Maybe she meant that.

Nai_fml 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:13

#175: Excuse me while I laugh. What would you call someone who sneaks into your house to watch you sleep at night, and then tries to justify it by saying: "Oh, I was protecting you"? That sounds like something an obsessed stalker would say, attempting to protect himself from getting into trouble. Also, no where in the books did it give a descrition that made me think "Edward is perfect and gorgeous", considering that he looks and feels like a living statue. And I agree with #124. One last thing: If anyone wants to bash me for "Not reading the whole series", I have. I've read every book, and still think that it's pathetic that SMeyer can't use figurative language unless she's describing how *AMAZING* Edward is.

Rht2925 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:17

number 183 all I'm saying is that you don't see guys walking around saying I wish you were a vampire like Edward Cullen, do you? No you don't so you go **** yourself

habeeboburky94 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:21

#227 I suggest you get her name right. Pffff.... Btw most of judge twilight based on the crappy movie! Also these dumb lifeless fan girls are ruining the fun. Twilight is good! Stephenie is brilliant!

ricin_poisoning 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:22

**** TWILIGHT AND ALL DELUSIONAL TWILIGHTERS.

deathproof_fml 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:23

I completely agree with #1. Twilight has ruined so many relationships (including one of mine) that it's sickening. **** that stupid bitch who wrote it, and **** every stupid brainless girl who likes Twilight.

infest0125 0

Monday 11 May 2009 22:25

Willing to bet most of those who clicked YDI only did so cause he isn't a vampire, which they may believe is his fault. **** the psychotic twilight fans like the girl you met, they ruin this world. The normal ones I'm fine with though.