Intimacy: Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful...

By Hallllo - 11/05/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 303

You deserved it 9 101

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/12/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 876

You deserved it 11 718

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 094

You deserved it 7 095

By heartbroke - 03/11/2012 10:02 - United States - Erie

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 581

You deserved it 3 485

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 789

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 309

Ostentatious

By dgordo3 - 09/02/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 425

You deserved it 46 479

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 823

You deserved it 26 498

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 620

You deserved it 2 889

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 879

You deserved it 19 343

Luckster 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:12

Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.

Millybug 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:14

And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.

Comments

ThisVampyricLust 0

Wednesday 13 May 2009 2:23

Sorry, but may I e-stab your girlfriend for being such a douchebag and obsessing over Twilight?

kandi_shop_xoxo 0

Wednesday 13 May 2009 2:24

I love Edward and not ashamed to admit it! :o) Buuuut Jacob is more like actual men... So I think I like him better... hmm... tough decision! Yes, I'm a Twilight nerd annnnnd I don't care what any of you say about me. =)

kandi_shop_xoxo 0

Wednesday 13 May 2009 2:25

oh p.s. The story is about their passion. The reason girls like it so much is because it so sexual, but also about love. :)

kandi_shop_xoxo 0

Wednesday 13 May 2009 2:30

Oh, and (sorry I keep commenting on this) women try to pretend that they don't need/want a man who can protect them. They pretend they don't need men, and are independent, but really deep down, it is sexy to have a guy be protective over you, and thats what Edward and Jacob were to Bella, protective. And Kristin Stewart sucks at acting. Alexis Bledel (from Gilmore Girls) should have been Bella.

person427 0

Wednesday 13 May 2009 3:11

I am lucky to have a sister who isn't obsessed with Twilight. Unfortunatley, I think the reason that she isn't is because she is a real vampire who is offended. She's pretty much nocturnal, threatens to bite me, and if nobody's home to let her in she waits outside instead of using her key(maybe because she can't go in...)

heyitzmeh 0

Wednesday 13 May 2009 3:45

ouch

jadeddream 0

Wednesday 13 May 2009 4:42

#427 LOL Really I just wanted to comment on this and see if it gets to 500 =P

breaksprinter_ 0

Wednesday 13 May 2009 5:04

Today, I walking home with this guy who acted a lot like Edward Cullen (from the Twilight series, which I love), he was the guy of my dreams, everything about him was perfect. He wasn't a vampire. FML hahahaha. she would be..obsessed!

quietgirl 0

Wednesday 13 May 2009 5:48

"I wish you were a vampire." Seriously? wow. For those of you dissing all the twilight fans: NOT ALL FANS ARE CRAZY. I think twilight, the series, is okay. Definatly not the best ive read. The only thing that kept me reading was the plot-it was kind of intresting but the writing was that of a 9th graders. The last book kind of sucked. I honestly don't understand how people are sooo obsessed with it. See, I read it and I never talk about it unless someone brings it up, and even then im hesitant about it. Okay OP, back to you. You dodged a physco, it may be hard because she "seemed" like a fantastic girl but i'm sure you'll find someone:) &sorry that this was basically the same as what everyone else is saying.