@28 Relationships are built on trust, and faking an ****** is a deception. People are reacting appropriately.

Of course you can let out some extra moans and groans, but it seems like she's doing it out of reflex as soon as someone touches her downstairs. You don't think that's too much? Clearly it's an embarrassment to her, so maybe she should change her ways..

@34 I think most people do deceitful things to make other people feel good about themselves. Like say: some person looks bad all the time, then the person does something to look better and you compliment them with "you're looking good!", while the truth is that they do look better than usual, but not actually good. Sometimes I'd like to be "white lied to" from my boyfriend when, for example, I ask if he likes a dress. I might think: "oh, well, I see he's not over the roof about it, but at least he wants me to feel good about it because I seem to like it". Sometimes when my boyfriend asks "Is this a good picture of me?" about his car licence or passport or something else that will be there for a long time, I might say "I think so", although it might not be the best, BUT it makes him feel better. In a perfect world, everyone would love sex and have a great sex-life, but the reality isn't like that: some people are raised in a way that make them enjoy sex less, some people have never been taught what good sex is, some people have anatomical problems hindering them and A LOT of people deal with daily problems that distracts them from being able to enjoy sex. It would've been awesome if everyone enjoyed sex, but not everyone does and I think a relationship might not be worth ending if you're OK with the sex not being great, but everything else is.

@36 That wasn't what my comment was about. I DO think it's strange, yes, and not a good habit. I'd just hoped that people would give more constructive criticism about the problem, which yes, is a problem for OP. Also: we don't know if it's entirely the OP's fault.

@39 I respect that you prefer to be "white-lied to", but I for one wouldn't like that at all. Trust is extremely important to me. I would go as far as to say that it is the most important thing to me with regards to any relationship. I would rather be told a harsh truth than a kind lie. You see I believe that nothing truly good ever comes from a lie. The OP might have good intentions behind her deception, but if her boyfriend finds out that she has been faking pleasure the whole time, he will likely be far more hurt than if she had just communicated with him in the beginning.

@43 Well, you know: not all people look great at all times, and if you looked bad often and people actually told you that, would it really be good? Some people can realize very well that they aren't good looking, but get devastated if they were actually told that by other people, so yes: I believe there are situations where it's more important to make people feel good that tell the truth, so I DO believe some good things can come from a lie. When it comes to faking pleasure, I don't think people should do it, I just know that some people have problems with sex. They make the mistake of faking it, get a good response, fake it more and eventually end up in a bad cycle that's hard to get out of. OP and her boyfriend won't have a good time when the truth comes out, of course. As I said in a previous comment: I just don't think people should be making such nasty comments and it kinda seems like many people don't even take their time to think before making such comments - their automatic response is that it's all OP's fault, she didn't communicate, etc. We can't really know these things.

There's no such thing as a "white lie". A lie is a lie. Plain and simple.

So you think that lies always bring harm? Either to the person lied to or the liar? Maybe. I like to acknowledge the existence of white lies, because in some cases the truth can bring more harm than a lie. Say for example that you dropped a milk carton and milk got all over the kitchen, and you cleaned it all up and bought new milk. I know people that will react very badly to the fact that this happened, although there's no mess anymore and the milk is replaced. That is just a bad reaction pattern they have. What good would you say you do by telling them this and getting them into a bad mood? Should you go all OCD and tell them? If yes: why (since you have such a strong opinion about this)? I genuinely want to know.

@53 That is a poor example. A lie is defined as giving a false statement with intent to deceive, or to give a false or misleading impression. Spilling milk, cleaning it up, and replacing it does not give a false or misleading impression. That is just making a mess and cleaning it up. To answer your question though, I would have no problem telling my girlfriend that I went out and got new milk because I spilled the old milk. If she flew off the handle because of said spilled milk, then that would be her problem, not mine. To answer your "why" question: Because honesty is paramount to me. Relationships are built on trust, and I want my relationship to sit on a strong foundation.

You're kind of missing the point of this post. It's not about milk or a driver's license picture. Faking it is not going to help either of them in their relationship, and really, it is too bad for both of them.

The example wasn't the best, I guess - it's quite vague on the "giving a false impression"-part, so I do agree about that. Still it's a little strange to me that you would rather tell the truth and ruin someone's mood, but that's my opinion. I understand that relationships are built on trust: me and my boyfriend tell each other I would probably say close to everything, even though some things are very uncomfortable to tell and puts me or him in a bad light or mood. It's important to not lie about the big things, but certain small details won't serve anyone any good. I know it sounds unethical, but I genuinely believe that's how the reality is, either we like it or not. People just aren't perfect and sometimes they think or do things that might upset others, and I think that some of these things are worth keeping to yourself. I hope I don't come of as "old fashioned", like people that think that all problems in the family should only be kept between family members. I just have never come upon a person that was able to justify always telling the truth and not at any point accept that it's not all black and white.

@ 28 I didn't think you fake at all from reading your post. I'm willing to bet though, you are unhappy with your sex life with your significant other. Sounded too much like you were speaking fro a personal experience.

@57 Sorry, it kinda went of track, from faking orgasms (that again: I don't think it's good), to white lies, to if something can actually be called a white lie. I guess it's better to just continue this conversation in private comments and not flood this thread.

@60 Of course many things come from a personal experience. I have been in situations where me and my boyfriend didn't make enough time for sex and got very frustrated about it. I have even been in a situation where my boyfriend tied as hard as he wanted and I didn't ******... I told him the truth, he felt terrible, accusing me of not trying myself, then me crying about him saying that when I from the start said I think I'm probably too tired, then we not talking for an hour while in the same room. We discussed it later and decided what to do about such situations... the answer wasn't "pretending everything is good", if someone would like to think that. Just better communication and prevention of such situations. Every relationship has it's ups and downs. I also have a sister that got raped as a child and can't manage to enjoy sex. I've also heard stories from many friends about their sex lives and partners that did not care for them. I've heard girls say that sex feels good for them, even without the ******, and many other things. People kinda have this thing about opening themselves for me easily, their words, not mine. I'm speaking both from my own experience and from things I didn't experience myself but got told.

@60 Didn't have time to put this in my first comment to you: You ARE right about that it's often possible to tell something about their own experience from the things they read into a situation. However, in this case what made me express myself was the fact that far most people had the same opinion about the matter and no on seemed to think about alternative explanations. I think I like to pretend like I'm Socrates sometimes :P

If what you're saying is that you don't think it would be a problem for a woman to fake every once in a blue moon due because she just knows she's not going to get off that time, then you might have a point. However "years of faking" isn't exactly healthy for their relationship. And a "white lie" is still a lie, maybe justified, maybe not, but it still a lie. Personally I'm of the opinion if you have to lie about something then you probably shouldn't be doing it, but I have to admit that the world is not as black and white and doesn't always work to people's ideals.

The problem is even if you do believe in white lies this ISN'T a white lie. She obviously fakes pleasure to the point where she is doing it constantly because it has become a reflex. Sometimes on rare occasion I can't even ****** because my body is just weird I suppose. Even the I don't fake it I simply explain that it isn't his fault my body is just being a bastard today. As for ALL of your examples I would of told the truth in those or said nothing at all. If my fiance wore something and it didn't look good, I would tell him and I know he would do the same for me. "I don't really like the dress you're wearing." or "That color just doesn't look as good as, [insert color here.] As for the whole spilled milk thing, of course I would tell him because if he got upset over that I would roll my eyes and tell him to stop over reacting because that is just silly.

@ 78 I completely agree with you. The white lie thing kinda got in there during the conversation, but, of course faking orgasms over a longer period isn't "white". If you first read the "white lies" comment and then my first one, it will probably seem different, but what I first meant was basically that some people have more important things to worry about than orgasms and the relationship may work well even without them, that it wasn't (relatively to many other things) such a big problem. And then we began talking about that it's deception/lying, which I actually left completely out of my first comment. And then it just went on, as you see. I know I didn't really convey my opinions perfectly, but I still find this conversation very interesting and I'm happy for all of the answers from people :]

please just drop the "lies are good sometimes"

47 seems pretty passionate to stand up for this complete stranger. Some people get a kick out of ripping on people and Fml is the best place to find complete twonks xD no point trying to defend here.

Blah blah blah #28

Very well said.