Intimacy: Today, after years of marriage and my lazy husband letting himself...

By Anonymous - 22/04/2014 03:00 - United States

Today, after years of marriage and my lazy husband letting himself go, I can now finish a bottle of wine and still be sober. This means I've built immunity to the last thing that can make me want to have sex with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 363

You deserved it 15 555

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By j - 18/04/2016 22:24 - United States

Today, my wife told me alcohol gives me "increased confidence without increased ability." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 558

You deserved it 4 598

Dwindling

By Anonymous - 13/01/2023 00:00

Today, I realized that I’ve been slowly staying later and later at work, then having a glass of wine before bed to avoid my husband, because we mostly fight whenever we see each other now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 219

Revenge

By Brilee Bruxvoort - 25/12/2020 09:58 - United States - West Des Moines

Today, after I divorced my husband because of his extreme alcoholism, he's now sober and got his life together and I see the man I fell madly in love with. Apparently, getting better for revenge meant more than getting better for the marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 230

Receipe ideas

By Anonymous - 24/05/2022 16:00

Today, after I was surprised by my husband announcing he was coming off the drink and going to the gym to get in shape, I found out that I've been such a fool, as it turns out the pre-workout shakes he kept making contained about 5 shots of vodka, so he could drink at home without me moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 148

Take care

By Anonymous - 16/12/2020 08:02

Today, after close to 10 years of marriage, my wife’s health has improved enough she is craving sex again. Just not with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 126

So romantic

By Anonymous - 16/05/2022 10:00

Today, if I want to be sexually attracted to my wife, I need to be very drunk, but if I'm very drunk there's about a 2/3 chance I'll have whisky dick. Before you ask, we've been married over 40 years, so there's no point in divorcing, we've been together too long, so who else would want to shag us except each other? FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 1 334

Biblically correct frustration

By Bigfoot73 - 09/03/2023 08:00 - United States - Statesville

Today, it's been twelve years, seven months, and fifteen days since my wife has wanted sex. She was drunk. She no longer drinks. Guess my name is Job now and I have to be patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 356

By Shenza - 17/06/2012 12:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I am exhausted and can barely move after being up all night taking care of my drunk and vomiting husband. He, on the other hand, feels much better and is bounding with energy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 846

You deserved it 3 021

By Helen - 10/11/2012 10:15 - United States - Pine Bluff

Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 073

You deserved it 3 088

Lightweight

By Sorry babe - 29/11/2020 08:02 - United States

Today, I went out for drinks for the first since I stopped breastfeeding. I underestimated how low my tolerance had become and how strong the drinks were. My husband was stopped by two bouncers while trying to carry me to the car. They thought he'd drugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 265

LuluRichards 20

Tuesday 22 April 2014 8:20

Maybe marriage counselling is worth a try?

Nimmrodel 11

Tuesday 22 April 2014 8:21

That was one depressing read. Maybe time to seek help; that's not healthy for you or him.

Comments

StarkWolf_fml 23

Friday 29 September 2017 19:11

thank god for divorce right? fail safe for marriages :)

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Saturday 24 February 2018 1:50

Divorce?

kittcat 7

Wednesday 28 February 2018 21:10

have two bottles instead

123Puppy 33

Wednesday 4 September 2019 23:47

Did you try talking to him about it?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 966

You deserved it 29 847

Today, while driving home, I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that my three-year-old daughter had managed to get out of her seat and had crawled to the back window. I pulled over and strapped her in again. Five minutes later she was back at the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 219

You deserved it 5 961

The Top

Today, I received a random phone call from an unknown number. Three times. After the third time, the person started yelling at me viciously. Then I suddenly heard a different voice, saying, "Terribly sorry, sir. My poor sister has dementia and thinks you're her husband. Her dead husband, I might add." FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 73

Today, I arrived at the pizza place I work at to find that I'd been fired. Apparently, the class stoner came in last night and not only demanded a free pizza, but also claimed that I always gave him one. I've never talked to this kid in my life, but my boss still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 180

You deserved it 2 078

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 690

You deserved it 6 400

Today, I shaved for the first time. My mum gave me a razor and I spent about 20 minutes trying to use it. I gave up, yelling, "FUCK IT!" and put it back on the shelf. It fell, and as it hit the floor, a lid fell off. I'd tried to shave with a sheathed razor for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 663

You deserved it 42 872

Today, my husband returned from being away for two weeks. I eagerly got myself ready and sent him a risqué picture so he would come to bed. An hour later, he's on the couch playing Xbox with the message already seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 913

You deserved it 1 626

Today, I called and went downtown after the city incorrectly issued fines against my property and threatened jail time for violating city ordinances, not paying fines, and not filing permits. They told me that, until fines are paid, they cannot correct a thing even though they got the address wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 400

You deserved it 281