Health: Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time...

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By Hopslammer - 17/06/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 240

You deserved it 49 072

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 15:30 - United States

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 929

You deserved it 54 316

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 12:28 - Canada - Holyrood

Today, all was going fine until I had a tickle in my throat, which turned into a coughing fit. Only to cough for the last time and shart my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 148

Caught in 4K

By tanksfan - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - India

Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 485

You deserved it 42 525

By Anonymous - 17/07/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 440

You deserved it 90 837

By zaneey - 17/01/2009 18:41 - Australia

Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 673

You deserved it 42 765

By Michelle - 26/04/2010 21:42 - New Zealand

Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash the KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 721

You deserved it 17 356

Muscle memory

By Namnack - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I found I had rolled, and was smoking a cigarette without realising it after proudly entering my third day of being a non-smoker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 042

You deserved it 32 949

By anonymous - 05/02/2014 02:48 - United States

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 926

You deserved it 45 108

Don't move

By Anonymous - 12/07/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, I developed a serious case of diarrhea. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't suffering from a severe cough as well. I'm terrified to cough again, because I'm running out of clean underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 90

Light 'em up, boys

By Clogged - 25/11/2020 17:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a week after I quit smoking, I lit up again. Was it stress? Cravings? No. I haven't had a crap since I quit, and can't take this gut ache anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 187

Monii_Harlz 11

Friday 17 June 2011 8:48

AHAHAHAHAHA! sorry that's so funny, kids remember smoking kills and apparently makes you shit your pants - eventually

dudeitsdanny 9

Friday 17 June 2011 8:51

My aunt ignored small coughs for 2 years.. They built up in frequency and intensity.. And she ignored those for 7 years.. When she started coughing more violently, and decided to get checked out since she watched my cousin's little girl, she discovered she had developed cancer. A cancer that covered almost her entire left lung. She was in chemotherapy for 6 months, seemed better, then died in serious pain 3 months later. Better hope your cough isn't half as serious, even if it sounds much more intense.

Comments

dreamering 16

Friday 17 June 2011 9:39

Simple solution: Use buttplugs

sweet_candy_ 17

Friday 17 June 2011 9:41

This sucks but you had it coming.

michabailey 8

Friday 17 June 2011 9:51

That reminds me of a joke involving laxatives curing a cough...

LizzJizz 16

Friday 17 June 2011 10:04

Ahhh fckn raunchy shit yo D:

YourMomxD 8

Friday 17 June 2011 10:08

OMG I am rofling right now. XD

TheMonica 0

Friday 17 June 2011 10:14

LOL! This is one of the funniest FMLs I've read. Not only do you have all the normal reasons to quit - causes cancer, smells bad, expensive, etc. - you also have a new one! If you continue to smoke, you run the risk of ******** yourself in public.