Health: Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time...

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By Hopslammer - 17/06/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 240

You deserved it 49 072

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 15:30 - United States

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 929

You deserved it 54 316

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 12:28 - Canada - Holyrood

Today, all was going fine until I had a tickle in my throat, which turned into a coughing fit. Only to cough for the last time and shart my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 148

Caught in 4K

By tanksfan - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - India

Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 485

You deserved it 42 525

By Anonymous - 17/07/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 440

You deserved it 90 837

By zaneey - 17/01/2009 18:41 - Australia

Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 673

You deserved it 42 765

By Michelle - 26/04/2010 21:42 - New Zealand

Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash the KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 721

You deserved it 17 356

Muscle memory

By Namnack - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I found I had rolled, and was smoking a cigarette without realising it after proudly entering my third day of being a non-smoker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 042

You deserved it 32 949

By anonymous - 05/02/2014 02:48 - United States

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 926

You deserved it 45 108

Don't move

By Anonymous - 12/07/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, I developed a serious case of diarrhea. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't suffering from a severe cough as well. I'm terrified to cough again, because I'm running out of clean underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 90

Light 'em up, boys

By Clogged - 25/11/2020 17:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a week after I quit smoking, I lit up again. Was it stress? Cravings? No. I haven't had a crap since I quit, and can't take this gut ache anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 187

Monii_Harlz 11

Friday 17 June 2011 8:48

AHAHAHAHAHA! sorry that's so funny, kids remember smoking kills and apparently makes you shit your pants - eventually

dudeitsdanny 9

Friday 17 June 2011 8:51

My aunt ignored small coughs for 2 years.. They built up in frequency and intensity.. And she ignored those for 7 years.. When she started coughing more violently, and decided to get checked out since she watched my cousin's little girl, she discovered she had developed cancer. A cancer that covered almost her entire left lung. She was in chemotherapy for 6 months, seemed better, then died in serious pain 3 months later. Better hope your cough isn't half as serious, even if it sounds much more intense.

Comments

Tess_fml 7

Friday 17 June 2011 11:29

Wow I'm surprised to see that OP is from Indiana.. Would've figured England based on the "poo" and "bum." xD ..that sucks OP.. but smoking IS bad. You definitely know it's time to quit when smoking a cigarette causes the need to change your underoos ;)

InvisibleClarity 0

Sunday 19 June 2011 7:42

64- "Poo" is used extensively in the US. But maybe it's a regional thing.

bri1215 7

Sunday 11 December 2011 17:20

Thats what my thoughts were too.

munny_fml 7

Friday 17 June 2011 11:39

lmao u shit your pants?? hahahahahaha!!!!

karagarren 8

Friday 17 June 2011 11:49

I feel like they should make a psa about this.

tnlander 20

Friday 17 June 2011 12:00

op screw everyone & die happy, cigerette in your mouth and depends on your arse.

nikkibear123 4

Friday 17 June 2011 16:08

hahahaha that's funny

take_lite 3

Friday 17 June 2011 12:14

dnt blame cigarettes fr that..u may be havin irritable bowel syndrome

itswhateveridk 0

Friday 17 June 2011 12:43

"thats nasssttyyy"

disney_blonde 16

Friday 17 June 2011 13:51

You say you're gonna quit now, but you're just going to end up buying a pack of Depends and continue smoking til it kills you, which hopefully is soon so you can stop poisoning those around you too.