Health: Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch....

By zaneey - 17/01/2009 18:41 - Australia

Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 673

You deserved it 42 752

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Same thing different taste

By Michelle - 26/04/2010 21:42 - New Zealand

Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash the KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 714

You deserved it 17 354

By TerribleAddiction - 15/02/2012 17:50 - United States

Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 466

You deserved it 3 352

By Hopslammer - 17/06/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 237

You deserved it 49 060

By Anonymous - 17/07/2012 13:54 - Greece - Athens

Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 301

You deserved it 5 724

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 15:30 - United States

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 926

You deserved it 54 303

Caught in 4K

By tanksfan - 05/01/2010 05:55 - India

Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 408

You deserved it 41 941

By Anonymous - 22/01/2017 18:00

Today, I quit smoking cigarettes. While driving to work, the car in front of me flicked his out the window, flying straight into mine. It set the bottom of my seat on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 402

You deserved it 550

Holy smokes

By Anonymous - 24/07/2021 18:01

Today, I’m down to my last, partially snapped cigarette. I carefully taped it back together, enough for at least half a smoke. I then snapped it completely while opening the door to go outside and smoke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 1 214

Muscle memory

By Namnack - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I found I had rolled, and was smoking a cigarette without realising it after proudly entering my third day of being a non-smoker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 038

You deserved it 32 922

NOT NOW!

By AintEasyBeinWheezy - 28/04/2016 18:26 - United States

Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 340

You deserved it 1 050

Applesause1223 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 17:27

That's why you shouldent smoke. YDI

Jari 0

Sunday 26 July 2009 17:00

What have we learned?

Comments

badbooze 0

Sunday 1 March 2009 7:52

This is why I'm gay.

walshboy 0

Tuesday 31 July 2012 8:53

what???

T9FTW 20

Thursday 1 November 2012 3:21

He puts a [beep!] in his mouth in place of smokes.

iloveyoulosers 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 5:57

Simply put: duh.

LiveLoveLife_fml 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 3:50

Ok dude, Gotta give ya this one... You Deserved It...seriously?! I'm sorry but that was kinda stupid...

badluckalex 23

Saturday 27 September 2014 19:45

why do you type like this what the **** my brain hurts

Applesause1223 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 17:27

That's why you shouldent smoke. YDI

awaywiththefairi_fml_fml 8

Sunday 26 June 2011 1:56

that's why you should go back to school. even your name is spelt arseways.

YoYoYo20_21_22 2

Sunday 27 November 2011 23:56

Says the person who spelled 'fairy' wrong.

ImTheAlpha 30

Thursday 5 April 2012 7:31

30- (S)he might have been trying to spell "fairies" but it got cut off.

atruprince17 0

Thursday 11 June 2009 3:26

well that whats ur stupid ass for not having self control

rokkdizzie 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 10:10

i smoked on the patch before and never got sick

happygoluckyhh 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 21:09

YDI for being a smoker. The nicotine must have gone to your head if you can't read the freakin box.

Jari 0

Sunday 26 July 2009 17:00

What have we learned?

redcherries90 0

Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:52

ur a dumbass.

NaziZombie 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 2:07

Who smokes?!?!?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my best friend and I were playing Call of Duty when he said he had to go to the bathroom. Curious, I checked his phone. A text message read, "Tell your friend you're going to the bathroom and come eat. Pizza is here" from his dad. Apparently, I'm not good enough to feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 057

You deserved it 8 155

Today, after about a year of keeping it a secret from my girlfriend, I told her about my foot fetish. She said "EWWWWWWWW!" and left. She's ignoring my calls and has changed her relationship status to single on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 572

You deserved it 6 604

The Top

Today, I laughed when I shouldn't have and am probably fired. What happened? My boss asked me if birds were reptiles. I thought he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 978

You deserved it 3 667

Today, I finally beat depression by going for a walk on the beach. I couldn't contain myself and happily played in waist-deep water as I walked. I realized my keys for my car, mail, house, and work had fallen out of my pockets and into the ocean, never to be seen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 510

Today, I was putting on my sweatpants and accidentally stepped on the elastic drawstring. I moved my foot. The string snapped upward with great speed and hit me in my open eye. My eyeball is not happy with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 119

Today, whilst cleaning out his desk, my dad "accidentally" threw away my summer homework. That's 100 pages, over a duration of 2 months. School starts in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 856

You deserved it 6 350

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 191

You deserved it 6 723

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 813

You deserved it 3 515