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By Anonymous - 08/09/2013 16:38 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 012

You deserved it 3 597

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/06/2014 19:06 - United States - Lake Wales

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 503

You deserved it 5 038

By Anonymous - 02/10/2012 19:39 - United States - Richland

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 729

You deserved it 2 958

Ivy league

By WasteOMoney - 04/07/2011 01:50 - United States

Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to take a video of his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 822

You deserved it 6 278

Experimental

By Anonymous - 01/01/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, holding my teenager's hand at the hospital, I unfortunately had a front row seat as a nurse manipulated his penis trying to pop a ball bearing out of his urethra. He had been curious to see if it fit. It did. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t pee it out, so off to the hospital we went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 141

By sirenmario - 20/01/2011 00:52

Today, a patient at the hospital I work at had a tracheal tube and couldn't speak. I'm unable to read lips, but I'm pretty sure he was mouthing the words 'stupid bitch' every time I tried to stop him from pulling out his IV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 015

You deserved it 2 684

Bag for life

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 04:57 - United States

Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 75

By welp24 - 28/10/2018 03:00

Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 210

You deserved it 371

Nice.

By poururheartout - 27/07/2018 20:30

Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 285

You deserved it 402

By captainkevineff - 11/03/2010 14:44 - United States

Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 957

You deserved it 3 649

By Stuck - 08/09/2011 10:00 - United States

Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 338

You deserved it 67 830

WCARlover 34

Monday 9 September 2013 3:02

I get calls from assholes all the time, though...(I work in retail)

Nyx_fml 23

Monday 9 September 2013 3:02

Hey, he was just trying to make contact with Uranus. Or Hisanus, rather.

Comments

jettangeles 6

Monday 9 September 2013 16:53

This is against HIPPA violation.

skyeyez9 24

Monday 9 September 2013 16:56

Watch him sue the phone company and win 20 million dollars, because the warning instructions didn't say it would get stuck in your butthole if you pushed it in.

nurchok 15

Monday 9 September 2013 20:03

I heard a similar story, but with a lightbulb issued if a cellphone... At least cellphones don't shatter like lightbulbs while trying to remove them from, well, where they shouldn't be... Also what's wrong with 1656 people for YDIing? How does OP deserve this?

Omniprism 14

Monday 9 September 2013 20:53

Wow. That must've hurt getting it in there.

whatismissing 8

Monday 9 September 2013 21:57

Hmm, that is a bit strange, isn't it? Then again, a cousin of mine is a nurse on an ambulance. Believe me, stranger things have happened.

heliophobia 13

Tuesday 10 September 2013 1:11

Did he explain why he had a phone up his ass?

sassy2085 16

Tuesday 10 September 2013 2:16

Set to vibrate no doubt.

abhigarg 6

Tuesday 10 September 2013 4:50

I guess people from Switzerland are to be blamed for. I was once a PhD student under a Swiss Professor from the French side of Switzerland and he got pissed off because I could not learn to speak in French even after one year of stay in Switzerland. So after spending one long year there, he decided to leave me saying I do not have a personality of a PhD student. FML