Intimacy: Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would...

By Something I said? - 05/11/2013 15:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 056

You deserved it 59 102

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Same thing different taste

By StretchNuts - 11/03/2010 12:50 - United States

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 472

You deserved it 4 826

TMI

By SoggyPancakes - 11/03/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 824

You deserved it 71 907

Cute

By Anonymous - 22/04/2022 18:00 - Canada - Québec

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 232

Careless Whisper

By ihatejasonderulo - 02/09/2014 15:32 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 675

You deserved it 9 967

By Indigo_Kitten - 08/08/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 986

You deserved it 19 061

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 316

You deserved it 2 764

By Sharibabi65 - 07/03/2012 06:16 - United States

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 461

You deserved it 6 853

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 975

You deserved it 5 608

Bad sign

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 01:28 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 862

You deserved it 6 270

By Anonymous - 27/02/2015 19:37 - United States - Roseville

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 009

You deserved it 4 307

etishuman22 32

Tuesday 5 November 2013 18:34

I wouldn't be able to stop laughing either. In fact, I haven't.

Welshite 39

Tuesday 5 November 2013 18:35

You need to polish up on your "dirty talk".

Comments

snapcracklepop41 3

Tuesday 5 November 2013 19:21

aww hey at least you tried, try try try again.

chanelleyy 26

Tuesday 5 November 2013 19:23

oh dear haha !A for effort though !

JMichael 25

Tuesday 5 November 2013 19:25

I can't stop laughing either OP. Maybe work on it a bit? How about "My tool needs a shed and I think it'll fit perfectly in yours."

Radoh 3

Tuesday 5 November 2013 19:31

Oh god, that incredible.

Kn0wledge123 21

Tuesday 5 November 2013 19:32

*sigh* Why do people always fail at urban vernacular. Wrong order, bruh. You tell her that BEFORE you smash. She might laugh, but put it on her really good. Then the next time you say that, she'll jump your bones. At least you tried though.

ForbiddenDestiny 20

Tuesday 5 November 2013 19:37

Op next time try something like, I can't wait to get your clothes off, I've been looking forward to this, I can't wait to feel your tight wet ***** around my **** feel free to use those btw x

perdix 29

Tuesday 5 November 2013 20:02

Thanks, but how am I supposed to pronounce ***** and ****? You really think you need to censor yourself on a site called **** My Life, the English language version of Life of Shit?

Nyx_fml 23

Tuesday 5 November 2013 20:12

"I can't wait to feel your tight wet stars around my asterisk". Just think about it, the anus kind of looks like an asterisk. Still trying to figure out what the stars are.

8born8 18

Wednesday 6 November 2013 5:03

I can't wait to play with your fantastic boobs and tease each nipple with my tongue. Then slowly lick a path down to the sweet spot between your legs. I've been craving the taste of your sweet juices. I'm going to suck, lick and nibble on your lady steak and flick your pink love button with my tongue until your legs start to shake and your little honey pot glistens, begging to be filled and satisfied. Give something like that a try Op and see what response you get.