Animals: Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat...

By cdn_steed - 23/04/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 972

You deserved it 4 661

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Same thing different taste

By scratchpost - 28/10/2010 12:07 - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 927

You deserved it 4 622

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 20:53 - United States

Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 253

You deserved it 5 275

Meow!

By patronuscat? - 05/10/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 624

You deserved it 1 064

Rise and shine

By Anonymous - 29/04/2020 08:00

Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 282

Surprise, human!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 100

By ihatecats - 01/12/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 176

You deserved it 16 610

Bittie

By Alwayspotato - 11/07/2020 05:02

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend, he had his head on my chest and we both fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up by my boyfriend biting my nipple, hard, in his sleep. I now need to go to the pharmacy because of a bleeding nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 184

Metal Cat

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 05:01

Today, my cat jumped on my chest while I was sleeping and head-butted my nose to show she loves me. It was hard enough to crack it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 117

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 28 635

Kinky Crab

By Robert Herrin - 14/08/2018 18:30

Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 2 131

Doortje 29

Saturday 23 April 2011 19:43

Nipples are very dangerous things. Especially left ones. Your cat was just trying to look out for you.

randomboy18 0

Saturday 23 April 2011 19:37

that pussy just wanted some milk

Comments

hotmike1 0

Saturday 23 April 2011 22:52

cats are horrible you should get a dog haha beyatchh

trey9991 0

Saturday 23 April 2011 23:34

ydi for havin a cat. they suck

DarwinWillFixIt 11

Saturday 23 April 2011 23:43

So was your nipple dangling off the side of the bed? If so, umm.. wear a bra maybe?

951753852456 0

Saturday 23 April 2011 23:45

ouch!!!

dirtyblond 4

Sunday 24 April 2011 0:15

Lick it! Duhhh-___-

MsSoulReaper 27

Sunday 24 April 2011 0:40

I'm sorry for your nipple. Sleep with a shirt next time?

Zombi5110 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 1:10

I literally LOL'd on this. Too funny.

hippyhater3000 4

Sunday 24 April 2011 1:28

haha I'm not sure wat kind of smartass remark I can make about this but....... I feel you pain

lilmissny599 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 2:04

cats are scary

psychwardnurse 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 2:46

ew gross put some clothes on YDI...

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Today, I got into an argument with my boyfriend, who recently had to move away, about not calling me enough. Apparently his moving had meant that we were now taking a break, he just forgot to talk it over with me. He still wants to visit, and keep the relationship in bed alive though. FML

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The Top

Today, I told my parents I was pregnant but don’t know who the Dad is. My Mom said “that’s alright, I still don’t know who your dad is”. So apparently my father isn’t my real Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 868

You deserved it 1 205

Today, I injured my knee and dislocated my shoulder fighting over a cookie with my brother. He's 14. I'm 26. He still got the cookie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 385

You deserved it 37 306

Today, I saw a creepy guy grab a woman's ass on the bus, so I caught his arm and put him in an arm lock, only for the woman to hit me in the head with her handbag. Turns out they were a married couple on their way home to have sex, and who couldn't resist a quick grope during the journey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 100

You deserved it 4 706

Today, I donated blood and the nurse said: "God blesses good deeds", when I get home, my mom tells me that we have to sell the house because we're broke. FML

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You deserved it 149

Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 216

You deserved it 29 950

Today, I have an egregious delinquent neighbor. She is always using internet and electrical services illegally, but is always getting packages from Amazon. Her packages are always left at my place, as she is so afraid of tax collectors, she won't open the door. She gave my billing address without my consent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 134