Intimacy: Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend... - FML

By desocrates - 20/06/2009 22:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 685

You deserved it 4 070

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Same thing different taste

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 622

You deserved it 2 890

By screewit - 20/02/2009 23:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 767

You deserved it 4 971

By TheOtherWoman - 20/07/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 032

You deserved it 12 794

Explain yourself

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 232

You deserved it 4 591

By Anonymous - 15/05/2013 20:21 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 676

You deserved it 4 572

By Aus - 26/04/2012 14:43 - United States

Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 014

You deserved it 4 215

By feelthelove - 02/11/2009 18:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 611

You deserved it 5 615

By sober - 12/02/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 392

You deserved it 4 328

By Anonymous - 03/06/2013 20:55 - France - M?rignac

Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 368

You deserved it 5 597

By Chester (Seattle) - 09/09/2010 02:15 - United States

Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 952

You deserved it 5 821

Next

Top comments

SweetieLish 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 2:02

Forward the text to her when she's sober...I bet she'll be regretting THAT text message!

plexico 3

Sunday 21 June 2009 2:03

You must have a very long penis. Congratulations.

Comments

xFenix81x 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 22:31

Congrats! Your girlfriend is a *****!

bagpipendude 0

Monday 22 June 2009 0:34

LUCY! You got some 'splainin' to do!

chucktlr 0

Monday 22 June 2009 1:22

F your girlfriend that freakin *****

AZballin 0

Monday 22 June 2009 3:37

wow. that really sucks. epic failure

vioh 0

Monday 22 June 2009 4:13

... your girlfriend makes me ashamed to be a female :S.. ydi for letting your gf get drunk while you went out of town tho..

kcid 0

Tuesday 23 June 2009 17:19

so, this guy deserved it by having a GF that cheats.. hmm and then, deserved it more for 'allowing her to get drunk while you are out of town" Where the hell are these people from? DUMP HER, GO OUT AND GET LAID, and HAVE A BEER. She's not worth the headache.

platypuscatrat 0

Monday 22 June 2009 4:22

YDI for not killing your girlfriend 4 days ago.

clappy5 0

Monday 22 June 2009 16:07

NOT cool ahaha

cossackkid01 0

Monday 22 June 2009 21:26

You MUST rodeo **** this bitch. Then show her the text. Then leave. Problem solved.

iEATdreamsx 0

Friday 26 June 2009 2:47

that sucks. that's all that i have to say.

WeirdDays 0

Monday 29 June 2009 19:11

damn, FYL

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Management Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Coworkers Relatable Transportation Dogs Animals ADHD Dating Love Technology Mental health Health Anxiety Sleep Clumsy Noise Roommate AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, while I was mid-act with my girlfriend, my mom unlocked my bedroom door and came in shaking maracas. She then handed them to my very shocked girlfriend and told her these were the "Busted maracas" and directed her to pass them along accordingly. Well, at least our first time was memorable… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 365

Today, I followed my daughter and found out she wasn’t with friends, she was on a date. I confronted her about the lie, but she takes after her mother, a lawyer, and steamrollered over me about invading her privacy, so even though she lied, she somehow has the moral high ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 2 713

The Top

Today, I had an appointment with the CEO of a big company about a game I'm going to make for them. The first thing I did after sitting down was to throw my coffee all over his desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 516

You deserved it 989

Today, I got my hair trimmed to look fresh for my sister's wedding this week. The woman messed up so badly that the manager had to step in and fix it. I lost 8 inches of hair and my dad keeps telling me I look like a medieval stable boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 206

You deserved it 367

Today, I came out of my bedroom to find my mom doing yoga in my hallway. Naked. She doesn't seem to think there's any problem with this. It's my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 871

You deserved it 144

Today, I was having a nice conversation with my fiancé when he said out of nowhere, "I sold some of your panties". I thought he was joking so I said I hoped they weren't any of my favorites. He wasn't joking, though, and now some stranger from Craigslist owns my panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 678

You deserved it 3 072

Today, I was talking to a nice guy on a dating app and we exchanged numbers. Later, I got a call. It was his wife asking me to stop talking to her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 110

You deserved it 282

Today, my eleven-year-old cousin, who lives with me, has discovered Old Town Road. He’s been playing it for four hours on repeat and I’m ready to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 068

You deserved it 127