I'd return the presents, honestly.

Mate, you left yourself open to take reply.

"Huh? You already know about the piercing?"

Ouch, I hope she got you some ointment for that burn.

She was clearly making a joke. Some people are quite sarcastic (including me), and most of the 'mean' stuff I say isn't actually meant in a mean way/should be taken the opposite way. It's not for everyone, but given that this woman is your wife, you must've been aware of this before you married her. Learn to take a joke.

now that's a low blow

I leave her wiseass

What a shot below the belt (literally) but it's pretty funny!

"Why do you have to ruin the surprise like that?" -OP, probably

If this is a common thing from your wife, I recommend you get 3 things: 1) A private investigator (to get proof of her cheating, which she IS doing, btw. A woman who fundamentally does not respect her man sexually as a man, is always cheating behind his back. AL-WAYS.) 2) A paternity test (if you have any children with her, or if shes currently pregnant, get a legal paternity test so that IF the kids arent yours- and its quite likely/possible- you at least dont have to keep wasting your own money on offspring that arent biologically yours.) 3) Couples counseling, immediately. Respect needs to come back. Attraction needs to come back. Etc. If all else fails, get a divorce. HOWEVER: It is not necessarily all her fault. If you are not maintaining a good body by going to the gym (do weightlifting full body workouts as well as some iso weight workouts, and sprints).. .if you allowed your teeth to get nasty and yellow (use crest white strips)... if you stink (shower, using irish spring soap and old spice body wash and a general good tea tree shampoo)... etc. Anyway, if you are doing any of the above things (being fat, being stinky, having yellow teeth, OR dressing bad/lame, etc) then you deserve it UNTIL you fix your body. If you fix your physical attractiveness and your wife is still a b*tch? Then shes messed up. Also: Things like your height, your overall frame (bone thickness plus height), and your hairline (if you are losing hair)- these things SHOULD NOT make your wife refuse sex with you, or belittle you, AS THESE ARE THINGS WHICH ARE NATURALLY OCCURRING. However- some women will still have an INSTINCT to belittle even their husbands, for these things... BUT ITS NOT RIGHT TO DO, IN A CIVILIZED SOCIETY, SO THEY NEED COUNSELING TO CORRECT THEIR ATTITUDES, MORALS, EMOTIONS AND BEHAVIORS. Make sense? You need to understand- the way your wife feels is biologically, rawly natural and normal, but its still wrong and uncool in a civilized society. And you need to fix your own looks, and then once youve done that, you need to fix your thing wiht your wife. and if that wont work, do steps 1-3 above and GET OUT and find a wife who loves you! note: If your wife is giving you daily sex, or at least 3x a week, disregard all of this- she obviously loves you and likes you if she is putting out on the reg (putting out = giving you sex). but if she is not putting out enough, and especially if that is coupled with her mysteriously "being busy" at night or whatever or "spending nights at friends houses" or whatever, then you should be VERY WORRIED!