Miscellaneous: Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while...

By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 18:55 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 863

You deserved it 4 724

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

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Frostbite

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 525

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No good deed…

By williebees - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Huntsville

Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML

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By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Ireland - Gorey

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 983

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By lizi - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 047

You deserved it 838

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By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 410

You deserved it 932

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 01:34 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 439

You deserved it 2 181

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By Holly - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 519

You deserved it 32 194

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By StevieMe - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 782

You deserved it 99 808

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By screwed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 228

You deserved it 12 243

Hang in there

By ouch - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 805

You deserved it 4 984

n_london 0

Wednesday 26 August 2009 23:34

this is a classic fml. that really sucks. and who the **** votes YDI on this?

kingbob337 0

Wednesday 26 August 2009 23:31

ouch ouch ouch

Comments

Izzay__09 0

Thursday 27 August 2009 12:33

Screwtaylor - you are officially my idol.

persephone13 0

Thursday 27 August 2009 16:23

Is anyone talking about the OP anymore??? LOL. Think maybe I'll get on board and start worshiping this screwtaylor person. Why not? I have no religion...who knew I'd find one on FML! :D

baller789 0

Thursday 27 August 2009 12:46

YDI for not cutting up ur hoe to make u guys equal

Overrated731 0

Thursday 27 August 2009 16:20

Just wondering...How would you know if you don't like someones comments before you read them? I mean don't you have to read them to realize you don't like them? :P

kittenmeow 0

Thursday 27 August 2009 20:13

WOW!! poor dude!!

honeyishrnkdakid 2

Thursday 27 August 2009 20:23

DAMN! FYL.

tony8pie 0

Thursday 27 August 2009 22:34

You want some cheese with that whine?Oh wait, you might hurt yourself again. Not an fml. I help treat cancer patients. They would love to only have one surgical scar...

ky_stone22 0

Thursday 27 August 2009 23:24

I disagree. I think that this is an FML. Sure, having cancer sucks worse than this, but that's why we can laugh at this. The OP will heal. But it's still an FML.

roflsauce 0

Thursday 27 August 2009 23:33

Shut the **** up. This site isn't about who has it worse. According to you this site shouldn't even exist because there isn't a post here about someone dying of cancer.

thesunshotme 0

Monday 31 August 2009 23:23

Dude lighten up. FML's a website for entertainment. Sure, some FMLs are actually tragic, but most of them are written by people who look back and laugh at the little unfortunate things that happen to them. If you don't want to read about people whining, GTFO.