I agree, there's a lot of people saying you shouldn't get a joint account with a boyfriend/girlfriend but I don't agree with that. My boyfriend and I live together so we have a joint account that we deposit the rent and food shopping money in. Whenever we want to do something together, the money comes from there. We also still have our own accounts so anything else we just pay ourselves, like clothes or games etc. It works out fine as long as you're both mature enough to understand that they're is joint money and separate money.

The best option would probably be to convince her you should both join a credit union, if at all possible. No fees! Good luck!

It may be wise to just make your pay check go into a different account, if it's been on your mind for ages.. I bet that'll make the situation sort itself out for you..

If she can't be financially responsible, I would just open a new account without her on it. You can't allow her to overspend the cash you both need just because calling her on it will make her angry.

I hope she's isn't dumbing herself down for you!

She would be an idiot if she was 'dumbing herself down' for anyone. Which kind of makes it redundant.....

Reference to a previous FML, xlord.

haha #88 that's what I thought.

If you are not going to choose the account then you need to take her to the bank and gave an agent explain how the account works because it's apparent she didn't understand the first time.

Dude, take it from someone who will NEVER have a joint account with anyone one now because of my 1st husband. If she can't be financially responsible it will end up ruining your relationship. Financial irresponsibility is why my 1st marriage ended in divorce.

Dave Ramsey. Look him up.

If you plan on marrying her she needs to learn to manage money better or she'll destroy not only her credit rating but yours.

I agree with above statements, take her to the bank and have them explain it to her, then open a second account for just you and have your pay checks deposited into that account and add to the joint account occasionally. But that way you have complete control over your money, you still are contributing to the WE account and no one gets angry. Hopefully

Stop depositing your $ in it & be done with it.

@68 Simple solution OP: Just open your own account, transfer your direct deposit to that account (if applicable), make sure you have $100 in your joint account, and from that point forward, make her pay the fees assessed by the bank for going under the minimum balance.

Shes going to put you in so much debt.

You could go to the bank, ask them for disclosures for your checking account type, and show them to her. Proof enough.

You're a dolt seriously a marriage you're both going to upset each other and if you're afraid of upsetting her and letting her walk all over you will fill you with resentment and cause the marriage to fail.

Have you specifically asked the bank? The bank i work for will let any account holder come in to close it. And I'm pretty sure that's law, not just us...

Also, bad banking habits is not a reason to leave someone. A surprisingly large number of ppl are bad at banking. It's reason for you to in charge of the finances, tho. :)

Why would you plan I commit to someone like this?

#118, I'm not sure about all banks but the bank I work for has an option on opening an account where the account holders can choose to have only 'one party can sign' or 'all parties must sign'. Generally where all parties' signatures are required as well, transactions in a branch are only able to be authorized if both parties are present and consent. This (usually) prevents a scenario like a customer from taking all their partner's money and closing off the account themselves.

I had a joint account with my flatmate (before everyone goes OMG! YOUR FLATMATE?! WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A JOINT ACCOUNT?!! I'll explain- our landlord wanted rent to come in one payment, not split across the 4 of us, so we opened a joint account to deposit money for rent and bills directly into there to make things easier); anyway, I was able to close it without her there by saying that she was overseas for 3 months.

If you really want to commit to her, commit to being honest with her about something that affects you both. An extra fee here and there isn't serious, but would you want her making a mistake like that with the account your mortgage comes out of? Financial pressure is the primary cause for divorce early in a marriage. You not wanting to hurt her feelings by being clear about her financial mismanagement could be the thing that wrecks your marriage. I hope you guys work it out.

Actually, you can close it yourself, even if you aren't the "primary". My mom did it when she divorced. Granted it was also overdrawn by her ex and she had to pay it back, but they let her close it

open another account by yourself and only put money you are willing to lose due to her spending habits in your joint account.

Even married, you should still have your own account. Money is an issues people divorce over.

if she can't respect you financially she won't respect you in any other way.... this is just the first step to having a life time as a door mat for her. tell her to shape up and get it through her head.

OP, my mom & her husband have a joint account which only parts of their paychecks go into. They each have their own separate accounts also. They put enough money in the joint account for household bills abduction other household expenses. You could try this, it may help you settle the issue of upsetting her AND it may force her to see just how much money she spends when she realizes she has no money in her individual account. I can't say im an expert on relationships but I've watched my mother's, other friend's, & even my own relationship destroyed over financial issues. Either because someone didn't communicate or b/c someone couldn't compromise. Hang in there but realize that being on the same page for finances for many people is a crucial part of the relationship, and I would think you'd like to find out if that's fixable with you two BEFORE you commit.

Don't quote me on this but I do believe if you two are cosigned on the account you should be able to take your name off of it. That leaves her the responsibility of managing it on her own. It may teach her a lesson on her over spending.

Even if he can't close it, he can't definitely remove himself from the account. As for his logic that she is being irresponsible but he can't call her on it because he doesn't want to make her mad.... That's ridiculous! If someone is being disrespectful (whether intentional or not) to the point where it is causing actual financial hardship, then it -needs- to be addressed. End of story. Either she gets her act together or he removes himself from the account. It's one or the other. And if she gets mad, then let her. It's like when you tell a little kid in the store that he can't have something an he throws a temper tantrum. You let him cry or he won't learn anything. This FML is more of a YDI because he refuses to deal with the problem.

Really OP you need to take her to the bank and have a bank teller explain to her how banking works, she might just think your lying to her so you won't spend as much money on her. If that's the case she is kind of a b****, but if she truly doesn't understand how banking works, then the bank can help her understand. You need to be honest with her, or the relationship will end badly, it is also not a bad idea to have an account she can't accesses, just in case of an emergency, don't be afraid to talk to her about money, because often times bad or secretive finances will ruin a relationship, and if she is unwilling to talk about her spending or banking, or she gets angry, it might mean she's not the one...

You say that now. I was planning to commit to my ex and he says he was to me. People break up. It happens. Better to have a private account for separate finances and your own spending money. If you break up then you split the joint account 50/50. You don't know that if you guys do break up that either of you will be amicable about it. It's the smarter choice OP.

Take her into the bank and have them explain it to her. They do that often and have experience with explaining it so everyone can understand.

im on your side, op!

Ditch her, what a loser.

so do you get given an allowance like a child if you dont have access to the money or do you have your own money even though you dont work.

I can't imagine having two deprecate accounts for my wife and I, even though I work and she is a full time mom I know she will use money wisely and so I have no need to worry. I also feel like since we are married what's mine is hers and what's hers is mine, and we don't need to keep things separate anymore.

Sounds like you're living in the 50's.

70 never said she doesn't work, she just said her husband keeps his own earnings in his own account. Way to jump to conclusions.

70 said since he's the one earning the money then it's his. Yeah it doesn't exactly say she doesn't work but it does say he is the one earning the money.

That's what my fiancé and I do. For mortgage and bills and we have our own separate accounts. His mom has tried convincing us to change that once we get married but I don't see the point