Work: Today, I angrily waved away an annoying fly with a large knife....

By knifewow - 20/10/2016 08:30 - Australia - Ashgrove

Today, I angrily waved away an annoying fly with a large knife. I stabbed myself in the shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 426

You deserved it 13 455

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Same thing different taste

Put it away

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 22:00

Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 986

By Shinobi_3 - 26/02/2010 17:43 - United States

Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 837

You deserved it 29 330

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 994

By zztopspinner - 14/03/2012 19:11 - United States

Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 711

You deserved it 36 534

911 please

By hurts - 04/05/2009 18:48 - Canada

Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 675

You deserved it 4 994

By Anonymous - 16/05/2019 22:00

Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 491

By OuchImAMoron - 29/11/2013 02:05 - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 459

You deserved it 46 725

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 23:47 - United States

Today, I was trying to swat a wasp in my bedroom. I got so frustrated that I ended up punching myself in the face. The wasp is still here, and now I look like I've been in a brawl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 555

You deserved it 29 268

By Anonymous - 26/01/2012 16:45 - United States

Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 006

You deserved it 32 371

Let it bleed

By breza - 01/07/2022 14:00 - Slovenia

Today, while trying to put something into the almost full waste bin, I cut myself with a razor blade that my son had thrown in there. It was surprisingly sharp, and my finger started pissing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 187

Iwannarock1 19

Sunday 30 October 2016 11:03

ummm, that was dumb.

Mangascribbler 19

Sunday 30 October 2016 11:11

You're a bleeding idiot, OP.

Comments

RaisingA 5

Sunday 30 October 2016 21:03

The fly probably died afterwards, from laughter. Well, at least you killed it.

waleedma 18

Sunday 30 October 2016 21:36

Maybe Add A Choice "thats Dumb"

Blissment 12

Sunday 30 October 2016 23:31

do us a favor, don't reproduce.

Nina825 21

Sunday 30 October 2016 23:39

Hahahahahaha

hotcheetos25 6

Sunday 30 October 2016 23:41

I'm just saying, if we remove all the warning labels on products...natural selection will do its job.

LyricaSilvan 29

Monday 31 October 2016 9:03

Why bother removing them? Half the time, people will do stupid shit whether a piece of paper stuck to an object tells them they shouldn't or not.

hiddenUSERNAME 27

Sunday 30 October 2016 23:53

I don't know why this made me laugh

mikethekid07 13

Monday 31 October 2016 0:54

that'd definitely hold up in court, "your honor I swear I was only trying to swat a fly, but he got in the way" I see what ya did there OJ

Spongegar123 19

Monday 31 October 2016 4:26

You're a bloody moron! Heh get it.

rameses1210 18

Monday 31 October 2016 4:43

Only in Queensland

OhPuhleeze 23

Tuesday 1 November 2016 9:39

Not all of Queensland.. Just what happens in Logan.

justsaying07 4

Monday 31 October 2016 5:35

Natural selection at it's finest

Keywords

Miscellaneous Sleep Awkward Love Weddings Television Money Relatable Snow Transportation Annoying Family Kids Pregnancy Mental health Empathy Toxic Food Animals Cats Argument Gamers Health Valentine's Day Gross Homeowners Home improvement Babysitter Drugs Music

The Top

Today, my wife made me sleep on the couch because I ate the last Magnum Ice Cream bar. Last week, she bitched me out for singing too loud in the shower. I strongly regret leaving my ex-girlfriend of 5 years for this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 1 910

Today, I made a heart-shaped pancake for my girlfriend as a surprise Valentine's Day breakfast. I flipped it too hard, and it landed on my cat. The cat then ran around the house with a pancake cape, and the surprise was ruined by the cat bolting into the bedroom, waking my girlfriend up, who's not a morning person at the best of times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 132

The Top

Today, while working as a bank teller, a woman came in with a $100k check. I commented, "Wow, I really could do with one of these!" She responded, "It's a life insurance check. I'd rather have my son back," and teared up in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 993

You deserved it 3 960

Today, I told my husband to stop his friendship with our neighbor’s 17 year-old daughter. They claim they just play video games together, but lately he’s been uninterested in sex and barely shows me any affection. He vehemently said, “It’s not like we’re fucking or anything! Chill!” and stormed out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 154

Today, I was at the Wild Animal Park. There were bees everywhere. One brave bee, thinking he was Mr. Macho, flew right down my tank top in between my boobs. I freaked the hell out and ended up screaming and pulling down my shirt to get the bee out. I flashed about 10 kids and their families. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 938

You deserved it 9 919

Today, one of the houses had actors with chainsaws. I ran away screaming and slammed into a wall. So much for being macho this Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 1 353

Everybody needs some time alone to sing it out... Just hope no one is recording it!

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 72

Today, I was diagnosed with chronic vomiting. I've gone to 7 doctors and tried 13 different medicines, with none of them working. I've gone to therapy and taken up yoga with no change. So apparently, throwing up daily at random times is the new normal for me. Yay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 764

You deserved it 1 213

Same thing different taste

Put it away

911 please

Let it bleed

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