Love: Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come...

By dude - 20/01/2009 14:01 - France

Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come round hers to get my pyjamas back. She replied: "I'm keeping them just in case..." - "In case of what?" - "In case I want to dress up like an asshole". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 534

You deserved it 28 975

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Same thing different taste

Why would you do that?

By HughGorgy - 20/03/2009 05:37 - Canada

Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched, "What are you doing with my panties!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 387

You deserved it 103 231

I'll get the kettle on

By Anonymous - 22/10/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got locked out of my house while wearing pyjamas. I didn’t have my phone, so I had to ask my neighbour to call a locksmith. She insisted on chatting at me for an hour about her love life, while I sat there waiting desperately for the locksmith in my dinosaur-print pyjamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 177

Looking good

By Alex - 31/07/2024 16:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was expecting a package from Amazon, so when the doorbell rang I rushed out in my pajamas. It wasn't the delivery guy. It was my ex and her new boyfriend, here to drop off some of my old stuff. I'd answered the door wearing an anime onesie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 505

Memories

By exasperated - 17/04/2014 03:14 - United States - Houston

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories' sake". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 191

You deserved it 4 621

By meegs - 17/10/2010 00:31 - Canada

Today, my sister asked me if she could go into my closet to borrow my favourite dress for a party she was going to tonight. When I asked her where she was going, she said to a Halloween costume party. My sister is going as a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 027

You deserved it 31 776

By Honest mistake - 18/04/2018 05:00

Today, I bought a tail for my girlfriend to dress as a cat at a hen party. She put the box in her suitcase, then left to catch her plane. I checked my purchase history and realised it's a cat tail butt plug. Now she keeps ringing me, but I'm too chicken to answer the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 426

You deserved it 5 210

By Anonymous - 24/08/2014 05:51 - United States - Hicksville

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 943

You deserved it 7 033

By Anonymous - 27/08/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 959

You deserved it 21 612

By Tomtom - 17/11/2008 05:04 - France

Today, I put on the same jeans that I had left in a bundle in my bedroom the day before. A few hours later, my boxer shorts decided to make their spectacular reappearance trick at the bottom of my leg in the middle of one of my meetings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 089

You deserved it 11 613

Dodged a bullet

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 04:00

Today, I went through the stuff that I'd left at my ex’s place and started unpacking it. I found a pair of another girl's panties. We broke up a little over a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 162

maiden_girl 5

Saturday 14 February 2009 16:10

Hahaha! You must've really pissed her off... what did you do exactly that made you an asshole? I'm curious now.

deartragedy51 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 7:58

psh. i should have done the exact thing with my ex. xD

Comments

apersonthatisme 0

Friday 13 March 2009 0:59

Haha, I don't know what you did to this chick, but it sounds like you deserved that.

daemonsparta 16

Friday 31 July 2015 8:02

why do you assume he Did something?

IamSpartacus 0

Monday 23 March 2009 5:55

She just pwned you.

raidos 0

Wednesday 25 March 2009 20:05

Kinda deserved that one :(

Cyrus00 41

Wednesday 6 January 2016 12:37

How do you know?

mynameizanthony 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 0:25

LMFAO!!!! win for the ex gf!! lol

Emmett_Luver_101 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 20:51

first of all #9 = LMAO second poster= your girlfriend is AWESOME

MukyDaCookie 0

Sunday 5 April 2009 23:03

that calls for a dick slap

24788 6

Thursday 30 April 2009 13:53

Lol, that was an awesome trap joke!

fretforyerlatte 0

Saturday 2 May 2009 14:09

that's ******* hilarious. wish i could come up with good comebacks like that when faced with exes.

Emmett_Luver_101 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 14:01

but really you should have responded with 'ok? you want to look like an asshole...why do you want my clothes again?'

bsaucedo 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 2:17

haha classic !

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The Top

Today, I saw an e-mail notification for my husband regarding a flight to New York this Wednesday. Thanksgiving is on Thursday and we have no relatives in New York. When I asked him about it, he confessed that he’s gonna see a lady he met online and that he wants a divorce. I’m due to give birth next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 95

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 64

The Top

Today, I did the walk of shame at work after walking in 20 minutes late with a venti iced coffee in my hand for the umpteenth time, my boss then told me to pack up all my things and get out so I could have all the time in the world to get iced coffees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 4 129

Today, while at work, my boss asked me to clean the bathroom. Someone had pooped on the floor and I stepped in it, dropping my manager's keys into the toilet. I then had to clean up my shoe and the floor, and put my hand in the toilet to get the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 184

You deserved it 3 992

Today, while fingering my girlfriend in the dark, I tried to be sexy and licked my fingers. After we turned the lights back on, we realized that her period had come early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 595

You deserved it 2 149

Today, my girlfriend decided to let me know that she almost left me for another guy not so long ago, because he was more handsome and talented than me. The reason she didn't leave, "He's out of my league; you're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 198

You deserved it 4 392

Today, I sent a christmas card to my husband's uncle and aunt. I'd forgotten that the uncle died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 132

Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. He laughed at me and said, "That's hilarious because I was going to ask you if you could take a pay cut!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 260

You deserved it 2 335