Animals: Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML

By upliftmofo - 28/03/2011 05:56 - Belgium

Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 665

You deserved it 5 983

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By audreyav - 30/06/2012 08:10 - United States - Dallas

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 740

You deserved it 3 474

Poor kitty

By toothpastecat - 13/05/2011 15:41 - Canada

Today, I was brushing my teeth. As a bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spit a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 637

You deserved it 8 428

By Anonymous - 28/02/2012 18:20 - United States

Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 309

You deserved it 2 826

By Anonymous - 19/06/2012 10:51 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I found out that my husband and my cat have something in common; they both like to lick themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 274

You deserved it 2 751

By Toothy - 02/04/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 988

You deserved it 50 052

By OldHabitsDieHard - 18/09/2013 14:53 - United States - Erie

Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I licked the spoon after I had emptied the can only to realize too late what I had done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 720

You deserved it 18 763

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 01:24 - United States

Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 465

You deserved it 4 677

By damn cats - 12/08/2018 22:00

Today my cat watched me clean and refill his water bowls, then shoved his fresh-out-of-the-litter-box paw in my glass of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 421

You deserved it 346

By nicole - 22/09/2011 10:31 - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 399

You deserved it 5 428

By Noname - 09/11/2008 09:18 - France

Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 689

You deserved it 13 854

Fuzzbump 5

Monday 28 March 2011 12:15

Look on the bright side! You have a cat.

spikey818 9

Monday 28 March 2011 12:09

that's hot

Comments

CannibalCharlie 0

Monday 28 March 2011 20:21

Aww kitteh loves your mouth germs. :3

thecovert 7

Monday 28 March 2011 20:30

LOL! Thanks for the Monday laugh!

Calyx_fml 21

Monday 28 March 2011 20:57

...after licking it's ass.

super77 0

Monday 28 March 2011 21:21

u made my day!

sjch 0

Monday 28 March 2011 21:24

Cats really like the taste of mint, or at least mine do.

nietsrepus 0

Monday 28 March 2011 22:28

pwnd

rachii 0

Monday 28 March 2011 22:55

Maybe OP knew, but liked the taste...

mazesm 11

Monday 28 March 2011 23:25

Haha, this is a good FML, wish it was mine.

sgenfkshe 5

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:15

cats have realllyyyyyy clean tongues! don't worry!!:)

sgenfkshe 5

Tuesday 29 March 2011 0:25

cats have really clean tounges!

Keywords

Break-ups Love Christmas Gross Miscellaneous Poopoo peepee Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Relatable Cars You're fired Work Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids Family DIY Cats Roommate Sex Am I overreacting? Intimacy Management

The Top

Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 132

Today, my company told me that they refuse to buy me new safety footwear without a doctor's note, because my shoe size is three sizes smaller than the minimum size my company provides. I actually have to get my doctor to prove my shoe size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 525

You deserved it 1 300

The Top

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my 30-year-old husband about why Sesame Street isn't a "soap opera." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 347

You deserved it 5 140

Today, I had just finished up at work. I was standing on a street corner, waiting to cross to get to my car on the other side. I had three people pull up beside me and ask me how much I charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 777

You deserved it 10 107

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 118

You deserved it 16 740

Today, my husband returned from a 6-week business trip. During that time, I put myself on a very strict diet/exercise regimen so I could surprise him with a hefty weight loss. He took one look at me and demanded to know who I was fucking on the side. Yeah, because that’s the only reason I lost weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 157

You deserved it 233

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because I'm too "high maintenance" during the holidays. Not to worry, though; he's willing give me another chance sometime after Valentine's day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 015

You deserved it 6 300

Today, I caught my best friend's wife being a cheating whore, and I told her either she told him the truth or I would. More fool me, she used the time I gave her to convince him I tried to sleep with her, so now he won’t believe a word I say, and he punched me in the jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 240

Same thing different taste

Poor kitty

Top comments

Comments