Kids: Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs...

By sadmommy - 23/04/2012 22:51 - United States - Keller

Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 551

You deserved it 6 202

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By don'tdrinkthat - 03/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 267

You deserved it 4 825

By A-64 - 08/05/2012 20:48 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 394

You deserved it 5 225

By StockedWithJuice - 06/07/2013 15:14 - United States - Austin

Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 798

You deserved it 5 336

By Failed Parent - 11/10/2012 06:59 - United States

Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 935

You deserved it 4 640

By windsoffate - 09/06/2016 16:46 - United States - Portland

Today, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a noise almost like someone was puking all over the bathroom floor. When I went to check, my 14-year-old son was puking all over the bathroom floor. The toilet, however, was pristine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 645

You deserved it 959

By diddlebuag - 27/05/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 045

You deserved it 6 250

Booze gone wrong

By Anonymous - 21/02/2017 09:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, had a wonderful cup of coffee, and found my son throwing up rubbing alcohol in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 769

You deserved it 741

What happened?

By ....ew - 05/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 169

Chemistry

By Anonymous - 31/03/2011 22:10 - United States

Today, while searching for the pungent odor that has been lingering in my son's bedroom, I discovered various types of juice my son has been "storing" to make wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 905

You deserved it 4 584

Shame! Shaaaame!

By poormomma - 15/04/2020 08:00

Today, I found out my son kept quiet about having head lice for a week. He's 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 665

You deserved it 262

suoerkewl 15

Tuesday 24 April 2012 6:52

Your son seems like a moron.

vol4life 6

Tuesday 24 April 2012 6:52

He needs to learn to hold his alcohol better.

Comments

desertpunk75 11

Tuesday 24 April 2012 18:00

was he dropped as a baby?

darkmis1 17

Tuesday 24 April 2012 18:16

He's also apparently a lightweight.

marrriah 6

Tuesday 24 April 2012 18:49

Aww this reminds me of when I was 14!

Farfalo 3

Tuesday 24 April 2012 18:51

And a lightweight.

Tempest559 12

Tuesday 24 April 2012 18:51

You should make him finish off the rest of the bottle

davek 36

Tuesday 24 April 2012 19:02

2 glasses? What a lightweight.

yoyoforpeace 14

Tuesday 24 April 2012 19:20

Light weight.

jatoraichu123 3

Tuesday 24 April 2012 19:26

I agree with 2

KiddNYC1O 20

Tuesday 24 April 2012 20:22

Swift kick in the ass.

millx 0

Tuesday 24 April 2012 20:30

Haha ur sons a noob lol

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird Dating AITA Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight

The Top

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 209

You deserved it 5 147

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 748

You deserved it 2 452

The Top

Today, it's now a week since my mum and aunt shunned me for refusing to play the big brother and give my 17-year-old cousin some dating advice. I'm 31 and have never dated, been in a relationship, or been sexually active. I wouldn't know where to begin with advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 990

You deserved it 284

Today, it’s the fourth day in a row I’ve laid in bed for hours with my eyes shut, wide awake, then watched the sun rise. All my parents have to say is, “Insomnia isn’t real. Just go to bed earlier.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 110

Today, I went to the laundromat. I put a load in the dryer and walked away to check on my other load. When I came back, I saw a homeless man putting his dirty, wet underwear in the dryer with my clean clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 337

You deserved it 4 627

Today, my sister officially has no boundaries, as she just had her ass crack waxed and wanted me to check to see they got all the hair. I’m a guy by the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 170

Today, my husband waited until our honeymoon to reveal his scat fetish, because he didn’t want me to think he was too weird to marry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 842

You deserved it 172

Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 235

You deserved it 2 464