Intimacy: Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your... - FML

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 05:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 973

You deserved it 8 444

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Same thing different taste

Creepy

By battle1 - 17/07/2015 11:00 - United States - Marietta

Spicy

Today, my best friend told me he masturbates to my Instagram page. Thanks, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 615

You deserved it 4 386

By WayTooMuchFacebook - 04/02/2012 05:07 - United States

Today, I read some funny scribblings on a wall in the bathroom stall. My first instinct was to "Like" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 131

You deserved it 33 529

DELETE! DELETE!

By Hunter101 - 12/05/2012 04:24 - United States - Humble

Spicy

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I'd left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 550

You deserved it 64 755

Wanker!

By EmbarrassedBather - 09/06/2019 00:00

Spicy

Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 064

You deserved it 383

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 05:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 275 515

You deserved it 88 421

Odd rejection

By Anonymous - 20/06/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, I found a note on my door that said, "You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked." Later, I found another note that said, "Sorry, that was meant for your roommate. You aren't my type." Not even a creepy stalker thinks I'm attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 975

You deserved it 3 915

By Thanks guys - 26/11/2013 05:21 - United States - Richmond

Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 043

You deserved it 4 926

By jenpearl - 20/06/2015 01:06 - Australia

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying "Keep doing what you're doing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 021

You deserved it 9 209

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 195

You deserved it 4 507

By steph - 13/09/2011 21:40 - China

Today, I found a note on the front door of my flat saying, "You left your keys in your garage door so I put them in your letter box". Guess where my letter box key is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 984

You deserved it 6 660

Next

Top comments

LlamaFlavoured 24

Saturday 12 November 2011 12:23

Someone's got a stalker...

RecklessJellyBea 7

Saturday 12 November 2011 12:24

Ah, FB. A stalker's library.

Comments

Kaykay2565 9

Saturday 12 November 2011 15:25

How do you know it was someone else?

Kattjynxx 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 15:42

Watch it be your mom... Haha

ericke9_fml 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 15:42

did he poke you yet?

ChantelRenaeee 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 15:44

Kinkeh ;)

lookhookersonu 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 16:08

Wth stalker much

purebliss7 6

Saturday 12 November 2011 16:34

that is super creepy. if i were u i would create a new account under a nickname or something so he cant track u down.

KK3137 31

Saturday 12 November 2011 16:37

Well are you hot? (message me) :P

russianspy1234 11

Saturday 12 November 2011 16:58

every girl who has any pictures at all on her facebook has had a guy ********** to them.

eastsidesoldier 7

Saturday 12 November 2011 16:59

Take it as a compliment

poorjudgement 26

Saturday 12 November 2011 17:04

This would be funny if it wasn't creepy. Make a close profile on FB, chose your contacts there wisely, do not put address ever. It could be some bad joke, or a prank, but at least for some time be careful for real, as there might be that you really have a stalker.

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The Top

Today, the communications expert I'm forced to work with added the line "as they can catch bigger fishes" to a film script. She does not believe me when I tell her that the plural of fish is "fish." This idiot not only has the final word, she makes twice what I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 943

You deserved it 4 466

Today, I went to a party 40 minutes away by bus with some friends. We missed the bus, waited half an hour for the second, and arrived just in time to hear the policemen say, "Party's over. Get outta here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 193

You deserved it 8 078

The Top

Today, I went to the funeral of my friend's brother. It was the first funeral I'd gone to, and I was really nervous. When the service finished, everyone went to pay their respects to the family. After I paid mine, they said, "Thank you for coming." I instictively replied, "My pleasure." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 540

You deserved it 18 440

Today, I found out that I'm immune to laughing gas and partially immune to novocaine while I was getting two teeth pulled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 837

You deserved it 2 939

Today, I moved in with my friend and her husband so we can be roommates during school. Today is also the day they decided to get a divorce. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 005

You deserved it 256

Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 827

You deserved it 354

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the world did not used to be black and white. It was just the pictures that were. She still doesn't believe me. She's eighteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 167

You deserved it 2 722

Today, while I was eating cereal, my mother thought it would be appropriate to grab the bowl and start spoon-feeding me while making airplane noises, again. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 377

You deserved it 8 795