Health: Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big...

By poopydaddy - 03/05/2013 11:32 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 870

You deserved it 5 659

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Same thing different taste

Good news!

By CaseyFpC85 - 11/09/2011 15:13 - United States

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 458

You deserved it 7 992

Cuteness overload

By Cpm - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 867

You deserved it 5 211

By drew - 07/09/2010 17:06 - United States

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 633

You deserved it 5 322

By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 00:05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 454

You deserved it 8 860

By Gas-pingForAir - 19/09/2016 08:59 - United States - Columbia

Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 787

You deserved it 1 670

By Tyler Smith - 03/11/2011 11:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 402

You deserved it 5 725

Overdoing it

By Zill - 17/11/2022 10:00

Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 285

You deserved it 129

By WakeUpToADream - 25/09/2015 20:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 280

You deserved it 1 982

By CHStennis_4 - 03/09/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 311

You deserved it 3 864

By Anonymous - 30/08/2015 00:06 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 706

You deserved it 2 203

delaneyluke 5

Friday 3 May 2013 16:09

Too late to DUMP her now.

ekb777 13

Friday 3 May 2013 16:18

If only childbirth was like taking a big dump..

Comments

Whyulittle 3

Friday 3 May 2013 16:26

Just so you all know, when you have a baby it doesn't come out your ass...

Welshite 39

Friday 3 May 2013 16:32

I don't believe you. My mama told me to never try anal, else I'd get pregnant and give birth. That small piece of information can be quite alarming to a guy.

amDes 11

Friday 3 May 2013 20:07

Thanks tips

7yzzFML 17

Sunday 5 May 2013 14:07

Thankyou #15, but Im sure most Americans arent restricted to homeschool Southern-American (murkan) 'sex ed'.

rt567 15

Friday 3 May 2013 16:27

practice?!?

perdix 29

Friday 3 May 2013 16:29

And do you have one boy name and one girl name picked out, or do you have to choose new ones each time? Or does she get an ultrasound to determine the gender of the turd to make the naming half as stressful? So many questions!!

AshaaFerreira 22

Friday 3 May 2013 19:52

The real question is how would you determine if the turd is boy or girl? :P

perdix 29

Friday 3 May 2013 20:50

#64, you look for the penis. A piece of corn could cause a false positive for maleness.

AshaaFerreira 22

Saturday 4 May 2013 0:17

Okay as long as someone can figure it out!

perdix 29

Friday 3 May 2013 16:36

If her orgasms are sedate by comparison, you may be going in the wrong hole ;)

SmittyJA24 26

Friday 3 May 2013 16:36

It's not too late to move out. Seriously. It's NEVER too late to move out....

TiffGreen 11

Friday 3 May 2013 16:40

Maybe talk to her about it. She may need to see a doctor if its as bad as she's making it sound.

nb1234 8

Friday 3 May 2013 16:46

You might need to give her some stool softener, but if it hurts her that bad to defecate then I am almost positive you can kiss any chance of anal sex with her goodbye. Just something to think about...