By karmaplz - 23/02/2011 14:26 - United States
I agree, your life sucks
32 537
You deserved it
20 681
karmaplz tells us more.
I feel the need to clear up some of this discussion! First of all--thanks to all these anon. people for defending me. I honestly submitted this immediately after getting the phone call @ 8:30 am, never thinking it'd be posted. Secondly-- is he a bad guy? No. I'm sure if being a cop is what he wants to do, and has his heart in it, he'll do great at his job. As far as the disrespect: it got to a point where I wasn't valued as a person, and some very vulgar, vile, rude and hurtful things were said/done to me, that wouldn't have been done if I was respected for who I am. If I was seen as a human with a heart and feelings, these things wouldn't have been done. Can I say that this will never happen to another female? No. Do I think he's pure evil? No. Saying bad things would have been purely vengeful and ruined a potential career. Also, I wasn't listed a reference, they required names and phone numbers of "significant relationships"--- I was asked if there was ever an assault between us, and about his moral character. That's it. I've had a seriously great laugh over realizing this was actually posted, and loved reading all the comments. Thanks!
Top comments
Comments
brantman
0
You're not on the witness stand... u could of lied a little
Mokiikom_fml
8
Lying to the police is illegal in many places. That and breaking people's hearts isn't a crime. To get back at him she'd have to lie and make up a domestic violence issue, for example. Something big like that would ruin his chances at the job.
ydi for discarding a sweet opportunity for revenge
You could have refused to be a reference...Better yet, you could have just hung up.
I thought of that but that would probably have looked suspicious and called his character and career into question which again seems unfair if he would not be a bad cop.
#31 She could have just been honest (but said something neutral-ish) and said "I'm an ex-girlfriend, so I don't know why I'm one of his references" and left it at that.
fthku
13
Well I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm going to assume she said great things about him that would make him a great cop, because they're true. Whether he's an asshole or not is irrelevant to the job. What reason does she have to lie? She'd make a guy who's un-fit to be a cop to become one, which could potentially harm people. And if he's not fit to be one, she'd take the chance to tell them exactly what he is. Revenge? Yeah, she should totally take revenge on someone who might be a goodgreat cop and help prevent or help with crime, because he broke her heart
sallen0046
4
How big of an asshole he is happens to be completely relevant to the job. Cops are supposed to be fair and honest. If he's such a gigantic ass, he's going to opt to be an ass, instead of being fair. You don't say "great, wonderful things" about someone in a reference unless the absolutely deserve them. It's entirely possible he does, but if he does not, OP should have given them honest information.
fthku
13
"It's entirely possible he was" You just basically validated my post. Why would she say false great things about a guy who hurt her so much, and put him in a position where he would harm others? Assholes can be very good at their work, and they can not be. There's a personal life, and there's work.
SirEBC
7
"Assholes can be very good at their work." Yeah, this is being submitted to Sirin's best comments site just for that.
fthku
13
Well, so long as you mean nothing dirty by it. Which of course you don't. ... There's a best comments site?
SirEBC
7
I have decided against it. Yes, there's a best comments site.
No you didn't... >.>
babyblue666
1
why would u say good things
By lying you just gave the world another asshole cop with a gun. Good job.
Mokiikom_fml
8
You kids are really behind on reading comprehension, huh? Or is that social skills? What makes so many of you assume that because he left her, he's automatically an evil man? Maybe it didn't work, maybe he fell out of love and she still had feelings for him so she was heartbroken... You think you have the right to destroy someone's career just because they're no longer with you? Even though you'd have to commit a crime for that petty revenge?? The OP only said the truth, even if it was unpleasant to speak positively of someone who broke her heart.
shutupK
0
he didn't just break her heart but he disrespected her too... this means he could possibly not respect women in general and I don't know about you but I sure wouldn't want someone like that out there with a cop license... and OP why didn't you just tell them this...?
tans_fml
0
agreed.
xk75
4
whatever, she should have just politely declined to comment. for him to use a present or former (!) significant other as a professional reference is, well, UNprofessional!
That's a sucky way to start the day but if he wasn't abusive to you and you have no knowledge of any illegal activity on his part then you did the right thing not sabotaging his career and you are the bigger and better person. I can't believe how many people think you should lie to the police to try and jeopardise your ex's career. That could get you into trouble and also he would find out and think you were sad and desperate. He's not worth it!
Mokiikom_fml
8
^THIS. You're one of the few people here that have an actual brain inside their head. I'm appalled by all the comments inciting OP to break the law and make up criminal offenses for him to be barred from the job.
ReynshineCutting
10
There's no way to know if she was lying by saying nice things or would have been lying by saying bad things. It's like in middle school on tests where the answer is "not enough information to solve this problem". I don't think (that many) people are suggesting she lie to get revenge, but that she should've just been honest and said "he was very disrespectful to me" or whatever.
PonyPuffPrincess
0
Haha the same exact thing happened to me. I dated a guy when he was applying to police depts and because he originally had me as a reference the depts ended up contacting me after we split up. And I'll admit, he may have been a total douche in the relationship, but he makes a great cop and I wasn't about to lie about that and ruin his dreams....thats just petty. Props to you karmaplz - you did the right thing
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Why didn't you just tell them bad things?
As someone who knows a fair amount about the hiring process, you should have told them he was disrespectful. It is NOT grounds for disqualification, but it would give them a realistic idea about who he was. They would talk to him about it, but that doesn't mean they would DQ him. You should have been honest.